Ghosts
When I was younger and called myself a Christian, I used to pray to God every single night before I went to sleep. For a year or so, I managed to skim over the odd Bible passage every night too. I think I got to about Nehemiah or something like that. Anyways, tonight, after a discussion about ghosts, I wondered if I actually ever believed that an omniscient, omnipotent, benevolent entity was listening to me. Back when I was a Christian, I insisted that God was real, that I believed in him, and that at the end of my life, I would go to heaven. I even told myself these things. But in all honesty, I don't think I ever believed. God was like one of my imaginary friends from childhood. Prayer was really no different from pretending to talk to someone. It was fun to do, but I never felt like someone was listening to me. Is that what faith is about? Talking away into the dark and hoping-- just having the faith that someone is listening to you? The way I see it now is, why not go see a therapist? At least then, you know for sure someone is hearing of and interpreting your problems. Why not talk to a friend? A family member? I dunno. Maybe I'm just not wired to believe. It doesn't compute in my brain, I guess.
None of that is to say that I don't believe God exists. But that doesn't mean I believe it does either. All I know is that if there is one, I can't feel it. Ghosts are another story though. I can say definitively that I believe in ghosts-- that is, not your back-from-the-dead-to-possess-your-body-because-I-don't-have-one-anymore ghosts. No, a ghost to me isn't what we call a spirit. Ghosts are people, places, memories, ideas, feelings, and themes. The thing about them (and here's what makes them like "ghosts" in the traditional sense of the word) is that sometimes you can see them and sometimes you can't, but they're always with you for your entire life. You can't get rid of them or kill them because they aren't alive and they certainly aren't dead. In other words, the Ghost of Christmas Past isn't necessarily some creepy flying kid who takes you back in time; rather, it could be literally last Christmas when you didn't get your mom the right Il Divo CD. Your failure to get the right Il Divo CD will continue to haunt you for the rest of your life, and the ghost will be especially apparent when your mom complains about having two of the same CD's.
God, two of the same Il Divo CD's? That's like having two popes: twice the annoyance.