(no subject)
This is the wonderful fabulous play of Casey and Robyn. ALl characters are fictional, except the obvious. READ IT, BITCHES! because we are the brie cheese, and you are all just cracker crumbs. on the floor, under the fridgerator, that no one will ever find. but we, we are the brie cheese, the tastiest, the classiest, the fanciest of cheese. and you are a cracker crumb. on the floor, under the fridgerator, taht no one will ever find. *asses clap*.
Cast List:
Roxanne Delacoeur-Robyn Bettencourt. Roxanne is a beautiful curvy brunette girl with a great love of movies, an innocently sarcastic sense of humor, though she is somewhat aloof, especially to those who do not know her well. She has had a great love of Michael Madison for some time, and owns as many of his movies as she can find.
Cassandra Delacoeur-Casey Dobel. Cassandra is also a beautiful curvy natural brunette (but dyed red) haired girl with a great love of acting and politics. She is very advanced for her age, but often comes off a bit ditzy upon first meetings. She giggles a lot, especially to cover up when she is upset. When something needs to be done, Cassandra is the sister people turn to.
Michael Madison-Joaquin Phoenix. Michael is a famous actor who has just moved to a small town. He is quite taken with Roxanne, who quickly changes his life in a way he never knew possible. He has dark brown hair, shocking green eyes, and is of moderate height.
Jimmy King-Vince Vaughn. Jimmy is a lonely boy who is taken by both Roxanne and Cassandra. His confusion and lust is his ultimate demise.
Trey Parker-Johnny Depp. Trey is Cassandra’s sometimes boyfriend. Though he has been in love with her for some time, he just can’t seem to make it work. He frequently hurts Cassandra without meaning to, but she loves him anyway.
Lucas Rivers-Orlando Bloom. The man who makes Cassandra forget all about Trey. He is her perfect man in every way, though his love of Cassandra is his ultimate demise.
Though certain situations are derived from their lives, the actual characters are straight from the brains of Casey and Robyn (except Cassandra and Roxanne, who are obviously based on themselves).
Setting: 1954s Haley, Illinois. Roxanne and Cassandra are fraternal twin sisters, about 18 years old. They work at the roller café Fritz’s Diner. It is much like the blast-from-the-past diners frequently seen in small towns across the country today. They are newly emancipated from their alcoholic parents, though this is not a focus of the play. Though the two sisters were always best friends, the attention that Roxanne has been giving and receiving from Michael Madison, a famous actor trying to put down roots in a small town has made Cassandra a bit jealous and lonely. This should not be too obvious at the beginning and should develop as the play goes on.
Act 1, Scene 1
Fritz’s. Closing time, the girls are cleaning. A knock at the door brings the unexpected shock of seeing Michael Madison, a favorite actor of the girls, at the door. Roxanne lets him in and pours him coffee. The two become engrossed in conversation about the differences of small town girls versus Hollywood girls. Michael has always liked the more down to earth girls from somewhere real, especially if they are brunettes. Cassandra continues to clean, is obviously miffed, before finally saying “we really are closed”. Michael leaves, forgetting to get Roxannes number. Roxanne is clearly hurt.
Roxanne is mopping, Cassandra is wiping tables. Both girls are in sweaters, poodle skirts, and roller skates and their hair is in ponytails with pink ribbons.
Cassandra: God Roxanne, light a match or something next time you do that (she spins around to the other side).
Roxanne: No, I just found some old hamburger patties under the stove. Burle was probably hiding some again. (she throws one at Cassandra. It hits her leg).
Cassandra: AHHH!!! THAT IS SO GROSS!!! ITS GREEN!!! (she throws her dirty rag at Roxanne. It lands on her boob).
(Burle, a grizzly fat woman with a squashed face and horn rimmed glasses walks in).
Burle: I like the uniform change.
Roxanne: No, Cassandra just threw it at me. Were you hiding hamburger patties again?
(Burle gets a strange look on her face and runs out).
Cassandra: She should really be fired. Where the hell did Bill finder?
(a knock at the door)
Cassandra (without turning around): We’re closed.
(Roxanne looks up, and sees that its Michael Madison)
Roxanne: Cassandra, its Michael Madison!!!
Cassandra: Yeah, just like the guy working at the Denny’s last week, right? And the guy who pumped our gas in Chicago? And the…
Roxanne: No, no, it’s really him! I swear! (she rushes over and unlocks the door).
Michael: I know you’re closed, but is there any way I could get a cup of coffee? It’s been a really long day. I just moved into a farm just outside town, and all my cows got loose this morning. (He notices Roxanne staring). Hi, I’m Michael. Michael Madison.
Roxanne: Yes, yes you are.
Cassandra: Excuse her. She’s a fan. Decaf?
Michael: Great, I love meeting fans, and regular’s fine. (he sticks out his hand to shake Roxannes, but she is stiff. Instead, he notices the rag still on her boob) Ahh, you’ve got something right… (he picks it off).
Roxanne (finally finding her voice) Sorry, it was the meat patty, and the Burle, and the throwing, and the rag, and… and… hi.
Michael: (laughs and takes out a cigarette. Roxanne fumbles for a match and lights his cigarette after striking it on her leg, clearly trying to make a new impression).
Cassandra: You know, that’s a dirty habit.
Michael: Sorry, I have two vices. Cigarettes, and cute fans (throws a look over at Roxanne, who drops her mop.) Why don’t you sit next to me?
(Cassandra rolls her eyes and continues to clean. Roxanne takes a seat next to Michael).
Michael: So, hows it going?
Roxanne: Why are you here? (realizes this came out wrong) I mean… so what brings you to Haley?
Michael: (laughs again, obviously amused by Roxanne.) Well, about a month ago, I found my girlfriend cheating on me with Marlon Brando (Roxanne gasps). It was then that I realized that I don’t fit in with the Hollywood crowed. I was the kid who wanted to grow up, marry my high school sweetheart, have a family, everything my parents had. I didn’t want flashy girls, more money than I know what to do with, and never being able to trust anyone. My mom was from here, and she always spoke so happily of it, so I figured, here’s as good as anywhere.
Roxanne: wow. Thank your mother for me.
Michael: Excuse me?
Roxanne: hmm?
Michael: (laughs again). Tell me about yourself. (Cassandra laughs sarcastically)
Roxanne: Oh well, I umm… I’ve lived in Haley with my twin sister all my life. We’ve been on our own for a bit, cause we left home cause our parents drank too much (She shuts up, realizing she shouldn’t have said that).
Michael: Oh, I’m sorry. Don’t worry, my friend had the same thing growing up. At least you were strong enough to get out of there. Many people don’t. So, youre 18?
Roxanne: (relaxing a bit) Yes. We won’t be going to college, because there is no money. My sister had her heart set on it, and I tried to save up enough money to send her, but it was too hard. We need everything we make just to live. She’s quite smart. Oh, but you probably don’t care about all this.
Michael: No, I like hearing about you.
Roxanne: (blushes) Well, I’m just a small town girl just looking for what all small town girls are looking for. (she twirls her hair).
Michael: And what would that be:
(Cassandra clears her throat loudly)
Cassandra: well, Mr. Madison, it was nice meeting you, but we really are closed, so if you would just take your coffee and leave, we can finish up here. (she hurries him to the door)
Michael: (looking at Roxanne) But I haven’t paid…
Cassandra: It’s on the house. Goodnight.
Michael: (To Roxanne) It was great meeting you… (looks to her for her name, but just as Roxanne is about to give it, Cassandra closes and locks the door).
Act 1, Scene 2
The Girl’s bungalow they are discussing the events of the night, Roxanne talks of how she really thinks she could be with someone like Michael, Cassandra discourages her because she thinks Roxanne is just starstruck. Before Roxanne can get hurt, a ladder appears at the window. Jimmy, a gangly nerdy boy in suspenders, a bowtie, and glasses appears. The girls believe that Jimmy has a good heart, and believe there is more to him than just his plaid pants and red bowtie. Jimmy gives the news that Michael Madison has just moved to Haley. Roxanne begins gushing all over again. Jimmy is obviously hurt, but neither girl notices much.
Cassandra: “I’m just a small town girl?” What was that all about?
Roxanne: I’m sorry! He was just so… perfect. I was so afraid of sounding dumb that I tried too hard and just ended up saying all the wrong things! It was a great night though. Who would have thought that a night that started with Burle’s meat would end with Michael Madison?
Cassandra: I don’t know, but you need to get over it. We have work to do, and I can’t have you leaving me to go and try and play little miss Michael Madison’s token small town girl. (Softening a bit) I need you, Roxanne.
(Just as Roxanne opens her mouth to answer, a ladder appears at the window)
Girls: Hi Jimmy.
Jimmy: Roxanne! Cassandra! A beautiful evening, and two more beautiful ladies! As always, a pleasure!
Cassandra: (helping Jimmy through the window) Jimmy, you have known us since we were 8. Get over the flattery.
Jimmy: (Giggles) Aww shucks girls, I’m just so surprised by your beauty every day, that I just have to…
Roxanne: Can it Jimmy.
Jimmy: Guess what I heard? Boy are you gals gonna be over the moon when you hear this. Michael Madison just moved to Haley!
Cassandra: Believe me, Roxanne knows.
Jimmy: (a bit crestfallen) Oh.
Roxanne: I just had the most wonderfully perfect night of my LIFE! (takes out the rag he picked off her boob) he pulled this rag off my boob and had coffee with me!
Jimmy: Oh. Wow, that’s… that’s awesome, Roxy.
Roxanne: (singing) L… is for the way you look, at me…
Cassandra: At least you didn’t have to see all of this.
Roxanne: O… is for the only one I see!
Cassandra: (Shoving a pillow over her ears) AHHH!
Roxanne: V! is very very extra ordinary
Cassandra: Make her stop, Jimmy! Make her stop!
(Jimmy bounces along to the beat of Roxanne’s singing)
Roxanne: E is even more than anyone that you adore and…
(Cassandra throws a pillow at Roxanne.)