over time...
So now its April.
How time flies. My God.
I honestly don't know where the time has gone!
It is April. As i said before. Spring Break is almost over...that means there are only four weeks of school left. If you want to get technical that means that there are only 23 official school days (minus weekends and days off) of school left. There are about 5 days until Grad Night. Wow - i remember Sophomore year thinking about that - Grad Night...
i remember a lot of things from Sophomore year i just couldnt understand then - but do now. Its wierd how a person grows up in a two year time span. Its also funny how some people don't mature in a two year time span. Instead they just become dumber. I didnt know that was possible lol.
Anywho, in two weeks is Prom! My last and final Prom...Prom #5...hahha. I was suddenly thinking about how scary that thought is. (if that makes sense.) I mean just 4 years ago i was telling my best friend, whom i now no longer keep in touch with, that my goal for highschool year is to go to all four Proms and be in a Play at Dreyfoos. Funny how such minor goals actually became reality! - also funny is, to think that in four years its actually over, and i remember so vividly every moment of that 8th grade year...something i can't say about sophomore or junior year. wierd huh?
Something i was also thinking about...friends. People grow apart. I understand that. I also understand how people start having different interests etc. Cool. Makes sense. For some odd reason the people who i used to think were friends - are far far from it. Not that they did anything unkind, or unjust...its just that i have nothing to say to any of them. I can sit and listen, and not have anything to comment on, anything to tell them, or anything to even think of to input into a conversation. Why is that? How is it that the people i used to spend every waking second with...changed so drastically in one year? Did i forget a step in maturing? did i mature faster than they did?
Sometimes i think i dont really belong here. I think i belong on a different part of the world. Not just because there is a boy there i love, no, but because the second i arrived there - i was welcomed with open arms by everyone. Not to mention their first language wasn't even English - and they made every effort possible to try and communicate with me! Even when they couldnt come up with the words - they would ask someone else to translate for me - just to communicate with me. To be very honest, i dont think the people who i used to call friends, or rather i call friends but have drifted apart from, would EVER try that hard to talk to me. It's strange to say that three of my closest friends in the world live in another country 1600 miles away. ((yes i have four or five seriously best friends here where i live, but thats besides the point))
I can't really explain the feeling, of wishing i could hold on to the last four weeks of high school...and yet again not caring at all that i might never see some people ever again for the rest of my life. Is this normal? Is it healthy to want to start over completely and meet some people who will appreciate you for who you are, and not think of you as you were two or three years ago. To meet people who really care - such as my friends from other countries. The people who get me the most are those whom i speak to on the phone and over the internet. The ones who really seem to care, are those who talk to me for hours on end...about everything and nothing - and just enjoy my company...even though im not really there with them - i am just on a screen waving, from 1600 - 6000 miles away.
Those who i can spend 24/7 for 7 days with...and still be able to talk with them everyday, EVERYDAY as though i havent seen them in years. Or if i havent spoken to them in months - talk to them as if i saw them yesterday! Those people are important to me, and i have some here and i definately have some there. And i guess where all this rambeling is going is that you have to love the people you have, and not care so much about those who bring you down, in any way shape and form. If you feel like crap after talking to someone - don't talk to them. If someone makes you feel unworthy, then you know that they are really the unworthy ones. Appreciate those who tell you they love you, because they are the ones that matter. :)
wow - so i seriously dont know where all of that just came from. I didnt sleep last night because i was too excited about the America's Next Top Model auditions in Lake Worth. - was a great experience and a lot of fun! YAY
i had a great day actually...my message was realyl depressing - and i meant it only to be thoughtful hahha oh well, thoughtful turned into depressing, what can you do! - im going to sleep haha
good night - happy stuff tomorrow!
xoxox
How time flies. My God.
I honestly don't know where the time has gone!
It is April. As i said before. Spring Break is almost over...that means there are only four weeks of school left. If you want to get technical that means that there are only 23 official school days (minus weekends and days off) of school left. There are about 5 days until Grad Night. Wow - i remember Sophomore year thinking about that - Grad Night...
i remember a lot of things from Sophomore year i just couldnt understand then - but do now. Its wierd how a person grows up in a two year time span. Its also funny how some people don't mature in a two year time span. Instead they just become dumber. I didnt know that was possible lol.
Anywho, in two weeks is Prom! My last and final Prom...Prom #5...hahha. I was suddenly thinking about how scary that thought is. (if that makes sense.) I mean just 4 years ago i was telling my best friend, whom i now no longer keep in touch with, that my goal for highschool year is to go to all four Proms and be in a Play at Dreyfoos. Funny how such minor goals actually became reality! - also funny is, to think that in four years its actually over, and i remember so vividly every moment of that 8th grade year...something i can't say about sophomore or junior year. wierd huh?
Something i was also thinking about...friends. People grow apart. I understand that. I also understand how people start having different interests etc. Cool. Makes sense. For some odd reason the people who i used to think were friends - are far far from it. Not that they did anything unkind, or unjust...its just that i have nothing to say to any of them. I can sit and listen, and not have anything to comment on, anything to tell them, or anything to even think of to input into a conversation. Why is that? How is it that the people i used to spend every waking second with...changed so drastically in one year? Did i forget a step in maturing? did i mature faster than they did?
Sometimes i think i dont really belong here. I think i belong on a different part of the world. Not just because there is a boy there i love, no, but because the second i arrived there - i was welcomed with open arms by everyone. Not to mention their first language wasn't even English - and they made every effort possible to try and communicate with me! Even when they couldnt come up with the words - they would ask someone else to translate for me - just to communicate with me. To be very honest, i dont think the people who i used to call friends, or rather i call friends but have drifted apart from, would EVER try that hard to talk to me. It's strange to say that three of my closest friends in the world live in another country 1600 miles away. ((yes i have four or five seriously best friends here where i live, but thats besides the point))
I can't really explain the feeling, of wishing i could hold on to the last four weeks of high school...and yet again not caring at all that i might never see some people ever again for the rest of my life. Is this normal? Is it healthy to want to start over completely and meet some people who will appreciate you for who you are, and not think of you as you were two or three years ago. To meet people who really care - such as my friends from other countries. The people who get me the most are those whom i speak to on the phone and over the internet. The ones who really seem to care, are those who talk to me for hours on end...about everything and nothing - and just enjoy my company...even though im not really there with them - i am just on a screen waving, from 1600 - 6000 miles away.
Those who i can spend 24/7 for 7 days with...and still be able to talk with them everyday, EVERYDAY as though i havent seen them in years. Or if i havent spoken to them in months - talk to them as if i saw them yesterday! Those people are important to me, and i have some here and i definately have some there. And i guess where all this rambeling is going is that you have to love the people you have, and not care so much about those who bring you down, in any way shape and form. If you feel like crap after talking to someone - don't talk to them. If someone makes you feel unworthy, then you know that they are really the unworthy ones. Appreciate those who tell you they love you, because they are the ones that matter. :)
wow - so i seriously dont know where all of that just came from. I didnt sleep last night because i was too excited about the America's Next Top Model auditions in Lake Worth. - was a great experience and a lot of fun! YAY
i had a great day actually...my message was realyl depressing - and i meant it only to be thoughtful hahha oh well, thoughtful turned into depressing, what can you do! - im going to sleep haha
good night - happy stuff tomorrow!
xoxox