What Words Can't Do [2/4]
Title: What Words Can't Do [2/3]
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 12,292 words
Pairing: Kai/Kyungsoo
Summary: Things are always the same for Kai. Day after day, his life has been the same for as long as he could remember. The physiciatric ward he grew up in the only place he has ever known, Kai is stuck in the vicisious cycle of routine, everything uniform and immutable. Until the arrival of his new nurse, Do Kyungsoo. And suddenly things aren't so predictiable or unchanging, and they are definitely not the same.
It was no surprise to his family or friends that he had become a nurse. It seemed like it was part of the order of the world, because it was practically in Do Kyungsoo’s blood. Since he could walk and talk, barely old enough to take care of himself, he was already the mother figure for his peers: he was always the most responsible, the voice of reason, the one to turn to when you needed someone. He was understanding, patient, and good at reading people-the ideal qualities for a nurse.
Fresh out of nursing school, Kyungsoo was left frustrated. He wasn’t sure what direction his life was going in. He thought he had it all figured it out. He thought he had people figured out for the most part. He had assumed that all the pieces would fall into place once he was done with school, and he had worked hard to get where he was; countless nights studying, sleepless cram sessions a weekly occurrence with long work hours to follow the next day. So when he was finally done with it all, he expected to start living, start the exciting life he had been waiting for. Nothing happened, nothing changed, and he became weary. (Besides that, his life love practically nonexistent, with the exception of a couple failed relationships here and there, but Kyungsoo would rather not think about those)
But it seems the gods had smiled upon Kyungsoo, when his good friend and fellow classmate Sehun helped him (finally) get a job at a psychiatric hospital. It wasn’t exactly Kyungsoo’s dream job, but it was a much-needed start, and he was willing to take anything at that point.
Kyungsoo enjoyed the job more than he thought he would, and going to work became something he loved, almost like a hobby. Unfortunately, like all things, once the shiny newness of the job wore off, the job became less fun and more like, well, a job. Routine set in, and the hierarchy of society that Kyungsoo hated so much reared its ugly head, and he drifted from hospital to hospital in an attempt to avoid it altogether.
He made some friends along the way, usually loosing contact with most, save a few, and he remembered some of his patients, some more than others, but he didn’t become particularly attached to any of them. They all seemed content with their lives, the routine. The same unchanging everything that he hated so much.
Somehow, Kyungsoo finally made his way to the same hospital that Sehun had been working at since graduation, and thinking about how long ago it was, made him feel nostalglic as he realized that it actually hadn’t been as long as he thought it had, and that this was his now his life. He would be stuck in this pattern, this mechanical process of life, until the day he retired. He would probably retire at the ripe old age of 65 or 70 because, let’s face it, nurses didn’t make that much, and he would get a couple of cats, because what better company to have at your death bed than something with fur and four legs?
Multiple jobs at different hospitals have taught Kyungsoo to not expect anything new or different, even at a new hospital, with a new patient, because they too were all always the same.
He flips through the file and glances at the name printed on the bold black line, then at the face to go with it.
Kim Jongin. He was pretty attractive. For a crazy person. (Kyungsoo chuckles to himself at that one, realizing how sad his love life must really be if he was thinking about hitting on crazy people, but stops when he realizes how weird he must look. He thinks his job might be getting to him, but feels bad when he realizes how mean he is being)
Admitted when he was about 11, Jogin’s circumstances were peculiar, at least to Kyungsoo, who was accustomed to working with patients who suffered from depression, or voices in their heads, or multiple personalities, or something along those lines…
According to the file, the boy had been admitted after he, in an act of self defense, killed his own parents and sister, supposedly stabbing all of them. However, the prosecution didn’t buy it, playing off the fact that he had gruesomely sliced them to ribbons, their bodies mutilated beyond recognition, going way above and beyond just “self defense”.
Taking a plea of insanity (as insane as a child at the age of 11 could be that is), things became even more interesting when Jongin lost his memory, effectively forgetting everything up until that point. It was like a rebirth for the boy, waking up from a cold darkness of nothing to a bright and foreign world, not remembering a thing about yourself, and helplessly alone.
“You get Jongin of all patients. Have fun with that.” Sehun seems to snicker a little as he hands back the patient file to Kyungsoo.
“What’s wrong that?” Kyungsoo thinks he should be worried about what he has gotten himself into, as opposed to excited--excited for change, for the unexpected.
“You’ll have your hands full with that one. Why do you think he has a new nurse every other week? Even if he is pretty hot.”
“Err.” Kyungsoo makes a face at Sehun.
“What, it’s true, and you were totally thinking the same thing, don’t even deny it.” Sehun defended himself.
“Ok. Maybe I was.” Kyungsoo laughs.
“Don’t worry. It’s like glorified baby sitting but better.” Sehun jokes shoving his hands into the oversized pockets of his starch white uniform, and it’s not hard to hear the bitterness laced in his voice.
Kyungsoo lets out a harsh laugh this time.
Isn’t that we always do anyways?
**
“No, I’m Kai.” The boy corrects Kyungsoo.
The photo in his patient file didn’t do him justice, and puberty had done him good because he was a lot ho-
Kyungsoo shook his head trying to ignore such thoughts about his new patient.
Kai? Right…Kai.
Kyungsoo scribbles down Jong- er Kai’s name, knowing that he will forget it otherwise.
He feels a little self-conscious when he feels Kai’s eyes burning into him while he writes. He knows the boy is watching him, observing him. He saw those lackluster eyes, the ones that in his photo, were once full of life, now dark and brooding, hiding Jongin. It’s almost impossible to notice, and he tries to play it off with innocence and childishness; he tries to seem ignorant, needy, unaware.
But Kyungsoo knows better.
He knows that Jongin sees it all, understands it all. He takes it in quietly, calculating the small things: the small twitches, the fake smiles, the strained “Maybe”s or “Next times”s, and he does it so he knows. So it doesn’t surprise Jongin, doesn’t hurt Jongin, doesn’t make Jongin hopeless, when someone leaves Kai again.
Kyungsoo can tell by his mannerisms, from the indistinguishabley small tilts of his head, to his watchful eyes and full lips drawn into a small mischievous smile, that he knows.
And even with nothing to go off but the knots in his stomach and his instinct, Kyungsoo knows it.
He wasn’t crazy.
*******
“A carnival? What’s that?” Kai looks up from the worn paperback novel he is holding in his hands.
Kyungsoo wants to slap himself when he remembers that Kai has never been to one, having barely left the hospital since arriving there.
They were in the middle of Kai’s academic lessons for the day, because lucky for Kyungsoo, who hated school more than anything, it was his duty to take care of the boy’s academics too. But he doesn’t mind, because being with Kai was becoming less and less of a job with each passing day, and it made something tingle inside Kyungsoo to watch Kai’s face light up, eyebrows arching thoughtfully and lips curling up beautifully when he finally understood something new.
“Oh, sorry. I forg- uh. Well, a carnival is kind of like a place where a bunch of people come together to have a good time. There’s lot of food and festivities. Oh! And there are rides, like rollercoasters, and they go really fast. Like cars but smaller and they drop and twist and turn upside down, and… sorry I suck at describing things.” Kyungsoo laughs awkwardly.
Kyungsoo has trouble inhaling when Kai smiles his usual breathtaking grin.
“That sounds like fun Kyungie. Can we go to one?” He asks enthusiastically, latching onto the older out of habit.
Soft lips pressed hot against his, needy searching hands, small quiet whimpers…
Kyungsoo feels his face heat up as images from their recent (and very sudden) make ou- physical interaction flashes through his head.
“Ah. Sure.” He agrees, not thinking about how difficult it would be to get to a carnival; how it was very unlikely Kai would ever leave the walls of the white room behind, even for a day.
“Yay!” Kai gives a little squeal, and Kyungsoo finally pulls away from the other, and more for himself than for Kai, scolds him to keep to his own personal space.
Kai pout breaks into a pout, eyes round in mock sadness, large and shiny like a puppy’s, and he sticks out his lip for the finishing touch.
Kyungsoo pinches Kai and tells him to grow up, but feeling something stir inside his chest, he can’t help but think that maybe going to a carnival wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.
**
It takes a lot more than he expected it would, but he manages to get approval to take Kim Jongin out of the hospital for exactly 4 days. No more or no less, reminds Sehun seriously when Kyungsoo tells him the exciting news he had been anxiously waiting to hear all week.
It had taken 4 personal vacation days and two weeks (unpaid, much to Kyungsoo’s annoyance) overtime to finally convince the head nurse and the administrators that Jongin was stable enough to leave to the hospital.
He’s been behaving fairly well since you got here Nurse Do, they had finally agreed after hearing Kyungsoo out for the third time, growing tired of the same repetitive pleas and attempts at persuasion. They trusted that he was in capable hands and that he knew what he was doing, and they hoped that being Jongin’s nurse for almost a year now was enough to ensure that he would return the younger boy back to the hospital without hurting himself (or anyone else for that matter, and though they didn’t say that, their faces said it all)
♥
When Kyungsoo tells him, Kai actually tackles him this time.
“YAH! That actually hurt. Oh my poor aching limbs.” Kyungsoo groans from underneath him, the stiff bed hardly enough to reduce their impact.
“I don’t care.” Kai is grinning like crazy, sitting on top of him, and he burrows his face into the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck before the other can say anything else.
“Get. Off!” Kyungsoo ignores the fluttering in his stomach, scrunching up his face up to let him know he meant business.
“You’re so sexy when you’re angry.” Kai smirks down at him, and Kyungsoo feels his heart speed up a little more.
Kyungsoo rolls side to side in an attempt to free himself.
He fails.
“Kim Jongin get of-”
Kai leans over and covers Kyungsoo's lips with his own, effectively shutting the older up, and Kyungsoo’s heart is madly pounding now, feeling like its about to burst out of his chest at any given moment.
Any fight Kyungsoo had left leaves him as he kisses Kai back, hands finding their way up to Kai’s hair, weaving themselves through Kai’s soft locks.
Kyungsoo feels those same feelings he felt the first time Kai kissed him. Unexpected. Unpredictable. Perfect. Beautiful. Bliss.
When they finally pull apart, gasping for much needed air, Kai leans down, brushing his lips against Kyungsoo’s ears and he is so distracted by how deliciously warm and moist Kai’s breath is against his skin that he almost doesn’t hear it.
“I love you.”
**
Kyungsoo is feeling light headed with joy, the three words echoing in his head over and over causing his cheeks to stay a rosy pink as he helps Kai pack what few belongings he has: a couple of plain shirts, a worn pair of jeans, his black converse, and an old beaten sketchbook. It’s my self-expression Kai explains grabbing it out of Kyungsoo’s hands before he has a chance to see the contents of the book. His light heartedness evaporates when he feels his heart clench a little, but he doesn’t say anything.
They were going to be leaving tomorrow, bright and early and Sehun, being the awesome friend he is, actually arranged for his “friend” (He’s nothing else! Sehun had blushed brightly, and glared at Kyungsoo, challenging him to say something) Luhan would be picking them up and taking them to Seoul, where they would be going to everybody’s favorite place: Lotte World. It wasn’t exactly a carnival, but Jongin wouldn’t really know the difference. Kyungsoo was hoping that with 3 days, they could even go see some of Seoul, showing Kai his favorite places he used to go to when he was a student studying there, before he had moved out to of his dingy apartment in the city to his cozy white house in the country side to be closer to the hospital.
“Can I meet your family?” Kai asks suddenly, dropping the shirt he was trying to shove into his duffel bag, to tug on Kyungsoo’s sleeve.
Kyungsoo didn’t have the heart to tell him that his family was gone now, how they died in an accident when he was in his senior year of high school, and how they left Kyungsoo to fend for himself.
He hesitates before answering nervously, “Maybe.”
There it is, that word.
Kai flinches as if he had just been burned and let’s go of his sleeve.
Kyungsoo notices and becomes alarmed, wondering what he said wrong.
“Kai wha-”
“You can go now.” Kai cuts him off, and the uncharacteristic frost in his voice makes Kyungsoo want to cry because what was he supposed to say? He curls into his covers, pulling them over his head and flips to face the wall, back to Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo feels his heart drop, and he’s confused and angry with himself, because there was obviously something wrong with Kai and it was entirely his fault.
Taking Kai’s silence as a cue to leave, he grabs Kai’s sketchbook, hoping that burrowed under all those covers, the other wouldn’t notice he had taken it.
**
Later that night Kyungsoo, when he has finally finished making himself a “pity me I’m such an idiot” dinner of Kimchi Spaghetti, and he has settled into his couch, pulls out Kai’s sketchbook-his “self-expression”.
It’s not completely full, but a good portion of the pages are filled. It’s chronological, each picture getting better as Kai got older, as he learned about new things and the his views of the world started to shift. Kyungsoo flips through the pages slowly, admiring Kai’s steady strokes and clean lines.
The pictures are all a little different, but at the same time, so similar.
People leaving, each in different ways, some subtly and quietly as they faded into the page ashy and grey, while others left loud and noticeable, and they stained the page, leaving it dark and smudged.
He stops flipping when he sees the word at the bottom of the page, as if was written in bright bold red letters, and he feels even stupider.
Maybe.
Part 3
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 12,292 words
Pairing: Kai/Kyungsoo
Summary: Things are always the same for Kai. Day after day, his life has been the same for as long as he could remember. The physiciatric ward he grew up in the only place he has ever known, Kai is stuck in the vicisious cycle of routine, everything uniform and immutable. Until the arrival of his new nurse, Do Kyungsoo. And suddenly things aren't so predictiable or unchanging, and they are definitely not the same.
It was no surprise to his family or friends that he had become a nurse. It seemed like it was part of the order of the world, because it was practically in Do Kyungsoo’s blood. Since he could walk and talk, barely old enough to take care of himself, he was already the mother figure for his peers: he was always the most responsible, the voice of reason, the one to turn to when you needed someone. He was understanding, patient, and good at reading people-the ideal qualities for a nurse.
Fresh out of nursing school, Kyungsoo was left frustrated. He wasn’t sure what direction his life was going in. He thought he had it all figured it out. He thought he had people figured out for the most part. He had assumed that all the pieces would fall into place once he was done with school, and he had worked hard to get where he was; countless nights studying, sleepless cram sessions a weekly occurrence with long work hours to follow the next day. So when he was finally done with it all, he expected to start living, start the exciting life he had been waiting for. Nothing happened, nothing changed, and he became weary. (Besides that, his life love practically nonexistent, with the exception of a couple failed relationships here and there, but Kyungsoo would rather not think about those)
But it seems the gods had smiled upon Kyungsoo, when his good friend and fellow classmate Sehun helped him (finally) get a job at a psychiatric hospital. It wasn’t exactly Kyungsoo’s dream job, but it was a much-needed start, and he was willing to take anything at that point.
Kyungsoo enjoyed the job more than he thought he would, and going to work became something he loved, almost like a hobby. Unfortunately, like all things, once the shiny newness of the job wore off, the job became less fun and more like, well, a job. Routine set in, and the hierarchy of society that Kyungsoo hated so much reared its ugly head, and he drifted from hospital to hospital in an attempt to avoid it altogether.
He made some friends along the way, usually loosing contact with most, save a few, and he remembered some of his patients, some more than others, but he didn’t become particularly attached to any of them. They all seemed content with their lives, the routine. The same unchanging everything that he hated so much.
Somehow, Kyungsoo finally made his way to the same hospital that Sehun had been working at since graduation, and thinking about how long ago it was, made him feel nostalglic as he realized that it actually hadn’t been as long as he thought it had, and that this was his now his life. He would be stuck in this pattern, this mechanical process of life, until the day he retired. He would probably retire at the ripe old age of 65 or 70 because, let’s face it, nurses didn’t make that much, and he would get a couple of cats, because what better company to have at your death bed than something with fur and four legs?
Multiple jobs at different hospitals have taught Kyungsoo to not expect anything new or different, even at a new hospital, with a new patient, because they too were all always the same.
He flips through the file and glances at the name printed on the bold black line, then at the face to go with it.
Kim Jongin. He was pretty attractive. For a crazy person. (Kyungsoo chuckles to himself at that one, realizing how sad his love life must really be if he was thinking about hitting on crazy people, but stops when he realizes how weird he must look. He thinks his job might be getting to him, but feels bad when he realizes how mean he is being)
Admitted when he was about 11, Jogin’s circumstances were peculiar, at least to Kyungsoo, who was accustomed to working with patients who suffered from depression, or voices in their heads, or multiple personalities, or something along those lines…
According to the file, the boy had been admitted after he, in an act of self defense, killed his own parents and sister, supposedly stabbing all of them. However, the prosecution didn’t buy it, playing off the fact that he had gruesomely sliced them to ribbons, their bodies mutilated beyond recognition, going way above and beyond just “self defense”.
Taking a plea of insanity (as insane as a child at the age of 11 could be that is), things became even more interesting when Jongin lost his memory, effectively forgetting everything up until that point. It was like a rebirth for the boy, waking up from a cold darkness of nothing to a bright and foreign world, not remembering a thing about yourself, and helplessly alone.
“You get Jongin of all patients. Have fun with that.” Sehun seems to snicker a little as he hands back the patient file to Kyungsoo.
“What’s wrong that?” Kyungsoo thinks he should be worried about what he has gotten himself into, as opposed to excited--excited for change, for the unexpected.
“You’ll have your hands full with that one. Why do you think he has a new nurse every other week? Even if he is pretty hot.”
“Err.” Kyungsoo makes a face at Sehun.
“What, it’s true, and you were totally thinking the same thing, don’t even deny it.” Sehun defended himself.
“Ok. Maybe I was.” Kyungsoo laughs.
“Don’t worry. It’s like glorified baby sitting but better.” Sehun jokes shoving his hands into the oversized pockets of his starch white uniform, and it’s not hard to hear the bitterness laced in his voice.
Kyungsoo lets out a harsh laugh this time.
Isn’t that we always do anyways?
**
“No, I’m Kai.” The boy corrects Kyungsoo.
The photo in his patient file didn’t do him justice, and puberty had done him good because he was a lot ho-
Kyungsoo shook his head trying to ignore such thoughts about his new patient.
Kai? Right…Kai.
Kyungsoo scribbles down Jong- er Kai’s name, knowing that he will forget it otherwise.
He feels a little self-conscious when he feels Kai’s eyes burning into him while he writes. He knows the boy is watching him, observing him. He saw those lackluster eyes, the ones that in his photo, were once full of life, now dark and brooding, hiding Jongin. It’s almost impossible to notice, and he tries to play it off with innocence and childishness; he tries to seem ignorant, needy, unaware.
But Kyungsoo knows better.
He knows that Jongin sees it all, understands it all. He takes it in quietly, calculating the small things: the small twitches, the fake smiles, the strained “Maybe”s or “Next times”s, and he does it so he knows. So it doesn’t surprise Jongin, doesn’t hurt Jongin, doesn’t make Jongin hopeless, when someone leaves Kai again.
Kyungsoo can tell by his mannerisms, from the indistinguishabley small tilts of his head, to his watchful eyes and full lips drawn into a small mischievous smile, that he knows.
And even with nothing to go off but the knots in his stomach and his instinct, Kyungsoo knows it.
He wasn’t crazy.
*******
“A carnival? What’s that?” Kai looks up from the worn paperback novel he is holding in his hands.
Kyungsoo wants to slap himself when he remembers that Kai has never been to one, having barely left the hospital since arriving there.
They were in the middle of Kai’s academic lessons for the day, because lucky for Kyungsoo, who hated school more than anything, it was his duty to take care of the boy’s academics too. But he doesn’t mind, because being with Kai was becoming less and less of a job with each passing day, and it made something tingle inside Kyungsoo to watch Kai’s face light up, eyebrows arching thoughtfully and lips curling up beautifully when he finally understood something new.
“Oh, sorry. I forg- uh. Well, a carnival is kind of like a place where a bunch of people come together to have a good time. There’s lot of food and festivities. Oh! And there are rides, like rollercoasters, and they go really fast. Like cars but smaller and they drop and twist and turn upside down, and… sorry I suck at describing things.” Kyungsoo laughs awkwardly.
Kyungsoo has trouble inhaling when Kai smiles his usual breathtaking grin.
“That sounds like fun Kyungie. Can we go to one?” He asks enthusiastically, latching onto the older out of habit.
Soft lips pressed hot against his, needy searching hands, small quiet whimpers…
Kyungsoo feels his face heat up as images from their recent (and very sudden) make ou- physical interaction flashes through his head.
“Ah. Sure.” He agrees, not thinking about how difficult it would be to get to a carnival; how it was very unlikely Kai would ever leave the walls of the white room behind, even for a day.
“Yay!” Kai gives a little squeal, and Kyungsoo finally pulls away from the other, and more for himself than for Kai, scolds him to keep to his own personal space.
Kai pout breaks into a pout, eyes round in mock sadness, large and shiny like a puppy’s, and he sticks out his lip for the finishing touch.
Kyungsoo pinches Kai and tells him to grow up, but feeling something stir inside his chest, he can’t help but think that maybe going to a carnival wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.
**
It takes a lot more than he expected it would, but he manages to get approval to take Kim Jongin out of the hospital for exactly 4 days. No more or no less, reminds Sehun seriously when Kyungsoo tells him the exciting news he had been anxiously waiting to hear all week.
It had taken 4 personal vacation days and two weeks (unpaid, much to Kyungsoo’s annoyance) overtime to finally convince the head nurse and the administrators that Jongin was stable enough to leave to the hospital.
He’s been behaving fairly well since you got here Nurse Do, they had finally agreed after hearing Kyungsoo out for the third time, growing tired of the same repetitive pleas and attempts at persuasion. They trusted that he was in capable hands and that he knew what he was doing, and they hoped that being Jongin’s nurse for almost a year now was enough to ensure that he would return the younger boy back to the hospital without hurting himself (or anyone else for that matter, and though they didn’t say that, their faces said it all)
♥
When Kyungsoo tells him, Kai actually tackles him this time.
“YAH! That actually hurt. Oh my poor aching limbs.” Kyungsoo groans from underneath him, the stiff bed hardly enough to reduce their impact.
“I don’t care.” Kai is grinning like crazy, sitting on top of him, and he burrows his face into the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck before the other can say anything else.
“Get. Off!” Kyungsoo ignores the fluttering in his stomach, scrunching up his face up to let him know he meant business.
“You’re so sexy when you’re angry.” Kai smirks down at him, and Kyungsoo feels his heart speed up a little more.
Kyungsoo rolls side to side in an attempt to free himself.
He fails.
“Kim Jongin get of-”
Kai leans over and covers Kyungsoo's lips with his own, effectively shutting the older up, and Kyungsoo’s heart is madly pounding now, feeling like its about to burst out of his chest at any given moment.
Any fight Kyungsoo had left leaves him as he kisses Kai back, hands finding their way up to Kai’s hair, weaving themselves through Kai’s soft locks.
Kyungsoo feels those same feelings he felt the first time Kai kissed him. Unexpected. Unpredictable. Perfect. Beautiful. Bliss.
When they finally pull apart, gasping for much needed air, Kai leans down, brushing his lips against Kyungsoo’s ears and he is so distracted by how deliciously warm and moist Kai’s breath is against his skin that he almost doesn’t hear it.
“I love you.”
**
Kyungsoo is feeling light headed with joy, the three words echoing in his head over and over causing his cheeks to stay a rosy pink as he helps Kai pack what few belongings he has: a couple of plain shirts, a worn pair of jeans, his black converse, and an old beaten sketchbook. It’s my self-expression Kai explains grabbing it out of Kyungsoo’s hands before he has a chance to see the contents of the book. His light heartedness evaporates when he feels his heart clench a little, but he doesn’t say anything.
They were going to be leaving tomorrow, bright and early and Sehun, being the awesome friend he is, actually arranged for his “friend” (He’s nothing else! Sehun had blushed brightly, and glared at Kyungsoo, challenging him to say something) Luhan would be picking them up and taking them to Seoul, where they would be going to everybody’s favorite place: Lotte World. It wasn’t exactly a carnival, but Jongin wouldn’t really know the difference. Kyungsoo was hoping that with 3 days, they could even go see some of Seoul, showing Kai his favorite places he used to go to when he was a student studying there, before he had moved out to of his dingy apartment in the city to his cozy white house in the country side to be closer to the hospital.
“Can I meet your family?” Kai asks suddenly, dropping the shirt he was trying to shove into his duffel bag, to tug on Kyungsoo’s sleeve.
Kyungsoo didn’t have the heart to tell him that his family was gone now, how they died in an accident when he was in his senior year of high school, and how they left Kyungsoo to fend for himself.
He hesitates before answering nervously, “Maybe.”
There it is, that word.
Kai flinches as if he had just been burned and let’s go of his sleeve.
Kyungsoo notices and becomes alarmed, wondering what he said wrong.
“Kai wha-”
“You can go now.” Kai cuts him off, and the uncharacteristic frost in his voice makes Kyungsoo want to cry because what was he supposed to say? He curls into his covers, pulling them over his head and flips to face the wall, back to Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo feels his heart drop, and he’s confused and angry with himself, because there was obviously something wrong with Kai and it was entirely his fault.
Taking Kai’s silence as a cue to leave, he grabs Kai’s sketchbook, hoping that burrowed under all those covers, the other wouldn’t notice he had taken it.
**
Later that night Kyungsoo, when he has finally finished making himself a “pity me I’m such an idiot” dinner of Kimchi Spaghetti, and he has settled into his couch, pulls out Kai’s sketchbook-his “self-expression”.
It’s not completely full, but a good portion of the pages are filled. It’s chronological, each picture getting better as Kai got older, as he learned about new things and the his views of the world started to shift. Kyungsoo flips through the pages slowly, admiring Kai’s steady strokes and clean lines.
The pictures are all a little different, but at the same time, so similar.
People leaving, each in different ways, some subtly and quietly as they faded into the page ashy and grey, while others left loud and noticeable, and they stained the page, leaving it dark and smudged.
He stops flipping when he sees the word at the bottom of the page, as if was written in bright bold red letters, and he feels even stupider.
Maybe.
Part 3