(no subject)
i feel so guilty
i feel like i was mentally raped or something
as if my head didnt hurt enough for like 2 hours tonight
or like i felt completely fine about coming home 2 hours after i said i would
fuck that
poor gallo. zach can relate, they should talk
i love mikes friends...
i hate the violence
the pain can be dealt with. real pain. pain like the stuff that human beings that really challenge themselves have to deal with. not blood pouring out while some kid kicks your face in his timbs and another stands on your chest so you cant breathe.
that isnt real pain.
that isnt necessary
i hate it. i take pride in that i can share in some peoples emotional hardships, i can relate and i can help someone through it or vice versa. physical pain isnt like that. nobody can lighten your burden. i dont care. they cant
its too heavy to share
and its your fault
if its not your fault then i believe there would also be an emotional side, and in that case
you would be able to share.
i need someone to hold me i feel so cold and my joints ache and i came home and just wanted to cry. i dont know, how am i supposed to deal with shit. i dont want to leave at 10, and i dont want to wake anyone up, and i dont want to make anyone go out of their way for me.
im so tired.
i did cry when i got home, because i was so tired and i didnt want to deal with being in trouble. why cant my parents be heavy sleepers? fuck. its not my fault im timid and selfish and dont want to seem rude. couldnt my parents have just called me? consequences my ass- im home late once and what? i probably wont be allowed out for the rest of the summer even though i really miss justin and were supposed to hang out monday and i need to see zach and greg and kyle and jordan and caroline and glyn and wynn and jo when shes home and mike and erica and kelsey and lina and oh mike.
she said i may get away with a lot but no one will ever pity me
well they fucking should
just let it be soft, thats what i want right now, something soft and reliable and malleable. like a new mattress.
my face hurts from this damn zit on my forehead and fucking like growth in my cheek and i feel fat and out of shape and pale and my teeth are ugly and crooked and my hair is brittle and frizzes and no matter how long i spend shaving my legs will always be hairy. im going to fucking kill someone.