Big bang 2013: Better together: chapter four
Fic title: Better together 4/5
Author name: dutch_chick674
Artist name: theextrac00kie
Genre:> RPS au
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 23.331
Warnings: Angst, sex scenes
Summary: Jared finally left Jensen when he was tired of always being the second choice to the other man. He worked thought the hard times on supernatural but was happy when the series finally ended.
Jensen was broken when Jared finally had enough, even though he always knew in the back of his mind that thing would eventually fall apart. He only realized what a fool he was letting Jared go after he had ruined things between them
This is the story of what happens when they meet again four years after supernatural ended.
Authors note 1: This is part of the heartbreak verse, but reading it not requited.
previous chapter
Chapter four
Five days before the Golden Nymph awards, Jensen asks Jared to go as his date. Jensen has been nominated in the category of “Outstanding Directing For A Miniseries, Movie Or A Dramatic Special” and Jared knows it's a big deal for him. Jared says he needs to think about it; he had been expecting Jensen to ask him sooner. Jared suspects that Jensen waited this long to make sure this is what Jensen wants. So Jared thinks that Jensen can’t blame him for having doubts of his own.
Jensen accepts his non-answer and gives him time to think about it. He doesn't even pressure him as the date of the Golden Nymph gets closer. Jared knows it might be unfair to make Jensen wait this long but he just can't seem to make up his mind.
“I don't know Jen,” Jared says, the day before they're meant to go.
“What?” Jensen asks and sits down on the bed.
“I don't know if I'm ready to go with you in public yet. And, I mean, the Nymphs. Can't we do something more intimate?”
Jensen sighs and pulls Jared down so that they are sitting side by side. “We talked about this.”
Jared groans. He knows deep down inside that Jensen is right. Jensen has brought up coming out many times and Jared always agreed with him. He knows that Jensen is ready for it. He just isn't sure he is.
“Come on, Jay, I really want to show you off. I want everyone to know you're taken and that I'm your man.”
Jared sighs. He doesn't want to have this conversation, ever. He just leans in, closer to Jensen.
“Please Jen, I know you want that, but I'm not ready.”
Jensen sighs. “Okay, I'm going to do something risky here and ask you why? I mean I know this is the real thing and I think you know too.”
Fuck this. Jared doesn't need Jensen to act like a shrink. Jared never nagged like this back when he was the one trying to have a real relationship with Jensen. And this is more real than everything else they ever had. They are happy together, so Jared doesn't understand why Jensen is pushing this.
“I don't want to talk about it right now.”
“Come on Jay, that's not fair. Every time I try to move forward in this relationship you either don't want to talk about it or you half-ass it.”
Jared shakes his head, “Half-ass it?”
“Yeah, like moving in. Sure, you moved in, but you kept your place. And you keep almost all your stuff there. That's not moving in, that's sleeping over every night!”
Jared feels himself getting angry, and he knows Jensen is too. This is turning out to be a full-blown fight. He never expected that, and hadn't wanted this to happen. He doesn't want get into a fight, doesn't want to say things he doesn't mean.
“I'm going to spend the night at my place,” Jared says, surprised at his own shouting. “I don't feel like sleeping over tonight.”
He is out of the door and in his car before he realizes it. He is shaking with emotions. That didn't go the way he wanted it to go. Fuck.
***
The moment the door slams, Jensen is up off the bed to chase Jared, but he changes his mind before he is out of the bedroom. He figures Jared might need some time to think things over, and maybe to cool off a bit. Jensen needs to do the same since he’s angry too.
Jensen feels sorry for even bringing it up. The last thing he wants to do is push Jared into doing something before he’s ready. He has to stop thinking about his own needs and worry about Jared’s first.
He decides that he should apologize to Jared before it’s too late. He gets in his car to drive to Jared’s apartment, knowing the other man won’t pick up his phone when he’s this angry.
When he gets to the apartment and Jared isn’t there, Jensen starts to worry. He hasn’t pushed Jared away already, has he?
Jensen wants to bang his head against the wall but decides against it. He goes back home, just in case Jared decides to come back.
When he opens the door, Tiny is there to greet him. He bumps up against Jensen demanding to be pet.
Jensen moves to pet the dog. “Well he left you behind, so at least he's coming back for you.”
***
Jared doesn't go to his apartment after the fight with Jensen. He goes to someone he never expected. Chris opens the door and glares at him.
“Jared,” he growls, “do you know how late it is?”
Jared shrugs. Maybe this wasn't the smartest move, going to Chris with his problems. But as far as he knows, Chris is the only one of their friends who knows their history. More important, Chris is the possibly only one who would take Jensen's side in all this. And Jared needed to try and see Jensen’s point of view. Jared has been thinking, while driving, and maybe Jensen had a point with what he had said before.
“Yeah,” Jared says.
He kind of expected Chris to already know what went down. He had been sure Jensen would call the other man the moment Jared slammed the door. Okay, maybe he had hoped Jensen would chase him-but, yeah, maybe he was the one in the wrong this time.
“Well are we just going to stand here or are you going to tell me what's up?” Chris asks impatiently.
“Jensen and I had a fight,” Jared says. He doesn't think Chris would appreciate him beating around the bush.
Chris leans against the doorpost and smirks. “And you come here?”
“Well, yeah, are you going to let me in or what?” Jared asks.
Chris steps aside, and both of them walk inside to sit on the couch. They sit there just staring at each other before Jared sighs and starts telling Chris about the fight, about the things Jensen accused him off, and about how he thought that maybe they might be true.
“So let me get this straight, you’re insecure about your relationship and you come to me?”
“I'm not insecure,” Jared defends.
“I beg to differ. It's not unreasonable, but here's the thing: Jensen might have put on a brave face back then, but what happened between you two, it nearly broke him. And I know that most of it was his fault, but I wouldn't be much of a best friend if I wasn’t there for him anyway. I didn't think you getting back together was a good idea, because he still has this idea that he has to make up for that crap from years ago. I don’t think it’s a healthy base to start things on.”
Jared just gapes at Chris. He never expected the other man to be this insightful. Jared now understands why Jensen sees him as such a loyal friend. That doesn't mean Jared had to see the situation the same way.
“And you think it was just a walk in the park for me? Being the other person, knowing I was destroying his relationship with Danneel?” Jared asks, getting angry with Chris for defending Jensen.
Chris let out a long suffering sigh. “I think you should talk to Jensen about this.”
Jared nods, even though he doesn't want to. He knows what Chris is trying to tell him, and what Jensen told him before he stormed out of the house. He should stop letting his fear control him and his relationship with Jensen. But he can't just turn off fear. It isn't like he is afraid without reason. Jared wasn't over what had happened in the past, as much as he tells himself he is.
“Okay,” Jared says. he stands up and walks towards the door.
Chris wasn't wrong when he said it was late. And Jared is tired. He figures he should go home and get some sleep before talking to Jensen.
“Goodnight Chris,” Jared says, and adds when he gets to the door, “and thank you.”
***
Jensen stays on the couch waiting for Jared, despite the other man’s stated intention to spend the night at his own apartment. Jensen doesn't want to go to bed; he knows that he won't be able to sleep.
Maybe he is pushing Jared into going too fast. He has been so excited to have Jared as his boyfriend that he wants to do all the things they weren't able to do before. Jensen knows that Jared had wanted all those things, back then. But they couldn't because Jensen was afraid Danneel would find out. Jensen had been blind to how much he’d hurt Jared. He thought he had known what his life was supposed to be-or at least he’d known how he wanted to world to see it. Jared hadn't fit in that picture back then.
Jensen had thought they were finally on the same page. Maybe he shouldn’t have waited until the last moment to ask Jared to the awards, but he also thought that going out in public was what Jared wanted. Apparently, he’s still blind to Jared’s concerns: he has to be the biggest asshole alive.
Jensen sighs, he is making himself crazy by over-thinking this. He can't change the past, no matter how much he wants to.
When Jared walks in, Jensen is sitting there, staring at the TV and wondering how he can make this up to the other man.
“Jen?” Jared questions and Jensen looks up.
Jensen is up from the couch in front of Jared before he can blink, holding the other man close. He wants to apologize, wants to promise never to push Jared like that again.
“Why did you come back?” Jensen whispers against Jared’s neck.
“I remember how much it hurt when you,” Jared stops and swallows loudly, “when you used to walk away from me like that. I promised myself I would never do that to another person.”
Jensen swallows thickly before looking up at his boyfriend. “Jared I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you. If you’re not ready then I should respect that. Sorry, I was being so selfish”
Jared pulls him closer again, “You’re okay with me not being ready to come out?”
Jensen sighs, “I’ll wait for you to be ready. I love you so much, Jared.”
Jared nods. “I love you too. Let’s not fight about this again.”
Jensen is all too happy to make that promise.
***
Jared is still on the couch when he wakes up the next morning. Jensen is no longer next to him but before he can decide how he feels about it the other man starts talking.
“Morning,”
When Jared turns towards the voice he finds Jensen sitting on a chair across from the couch. He has a serious look on his face and the lines around his eyes have deepened.
“How long have you been up?” Jared asks with a frown.
Jensen shrugs. “Haven't slept much. I've done some thinking, about yesterday.”
Jared nods, he had been too tired to think last night. After his talk with Chris he had come home and all he had wanted to do was sleep. Now that the night is behind them, Jared thinks he can look at their issues more clearly.
“You're the only man I’ve ever been with,” Jensen says. It startles Jared out of his thoughts.
Jared sits up, scrubs his hands over his face, and looks at Jensen, confused.
“Jensen, what?” Jared starts to asks, but Jensen stops him.
“Please, Jay, let me speak,” Jensen says and takes a deep breath. “You're the only man I've ever been with Jay. And still, I'm more than happy to identify myself as gay. Because I think you will be the only person I can ever really be happy with. So yeah I'm gay. Gay for you. Only I couldn't say that when I came out, because you hated me back then.”
Jared wants to object, to say that he never really hated Jensen. Sure there were times he wished he could hate him. Then he realizes what Jensen has just said. He never knew Jensen didn’t date. He had done his best to avoid any gossip about Jensen. Sure, he had heard about the other man coming out, because he had already been out and people asked if he and Jensen ever dated. But, other than that, he didn’t keep track of what Jensen did. He feels touched by what Jensen is telling him; he can’t believe he was the only man in Jensen’s life. It means a lot to him.
“Jay, I love you so much and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my live with you,” Jensen finishes.
After Jensen's done talking they both sit there staring at each other for a while before Jared gets up and walks towards Jensen. He sits on the other man’s lap, needing to be close to his boyfriend.
“I love you, so much,” Jared says.
Jensen's eyes get suspiciously glassy and Jared thinks for one moment the other man is actually going to cry, but then Jensen sighs and pulls him into a deep kiss.
They sit there, kissing and hugging each other, until Jensen jokes that his legs have fallen asleep and suggests that they get some breakfast.
***
Jensen spends the rest of the day resting and getting ready to walk the red carpet. He doesn't ask Jared to go as his date again. He knows that the other man isn't ready for that yet. He does think about it though: about how they should tell the public, their fans, that they are dating. It's on his mind for most of the day.
He stands in front of his mirror straightening his tie, and Jared watches him from his place on the bed.
“You know,” Jared says, as he stands up and helps Jensen, “if they ask the dating question, maybe you should say that, yes, you are dating.”
Jared still sounds unsure but when Jensen turns to look him in the eye he looks determined.
“Yeah?” Jensen breathes, and feels something bright and happy bloom in his chest.
“Yeah, I mean I'm not,” Jared clears his throat, “I'm not sure about telling them about us. You could mention you are dating, but that the person you are dating is very private?”
Jensen's so happy that Jared is willing to make this concession that he wants to jump the man, right now. Unfortunately they don't have time; the limo should be there in a couple of minutes.
“Okay,” Jensen answers instead, “if they ask me, I will.”
Jared nods. “Yeah, then they'll start digging, guessing. Then it won't be such a shock when we come out later.”
Jensen pulls his boyfriend close, and knows he will be smiling the whole night thinking about the other man. This was the first time Jared has talked of coming out, without Jensen starting the conversation. It feels so good, after their row, last night.
“I have to go,” Jensen says, groaning when the doorbell rings.
“I'll be watching TV, rooting for you to win babe.”
Jensen grins and gives Jared one last kiss before rushing towards the car waiting outside.
***
Chris calls halfway through the award show. The only thing Jared has seen is all the famous people going inside, after taking some time to talk to the reporters outside. They have just shown Jensen posing for some pictures with the cast of his movie.
“So I'm guessing you two made up,” Chris says in lieu of greeting.
“How the fuck do you know that?” Jared asks, because there is no way Chris is that insightful.
“That grin on Jenny's face. There is only one person who can put it there.”
Okay, so maybe Chris is that insightful, Jared thinks.
“So that means you’re watching?” Jared asks.
He is only half paying attention to Chris. Jensen is on TV talking to a reporter. He is telling them about working with Joseph.
“Yeah. He's my best friend, you know. I wanted to plan this whole party, but I figure we have to wait until he's home to join in.” Chris says, and Jared can hear his smirk. “You think he stands a chance?”
Jared nods, absentminded. He almost regrets not being there. Jensen looks great in his suit, and Jared can almost imagine himself hanging off his arm. It would be just like when there were still on Supernatural.
“Jared?” Chris asks, and Jared realizes he is on the phone so Chris can't see his nod.
“Yeah,” Jared replies. “You know he's good at what he does.”
“Fuck yeah, he is. I think we should go out and celebrate tomorrow,” Chris says.
It sounds like he wants to add more but Jared shushes him. They are showing the nominations clips for best directors. That means it won't be long before they'll announce the winner and Jared doesn't want to miss that moment just because Chris has been yapping in his ear.
He is completely focused on the television, as it shows the spilt screens when the winner is announced. He sees Jensen eyes widen when his name is called, and Jared sees the person next to him urge Jensen to get up. Jared grins. It's just like Jensen to sit there and take a moment to process things.
“Holy shit,” Chris says in his ear as Jensen makes his way to the stage, “holy shit he won!”
Jared grins. “Yeah.”
Then they are both quiet when Jensen makes his acceptance speech. Jared gasps when Jensen thanks his boyfriend. Thanks him, even if he doesn't say any names. It makes him feel special.
“So,” Chris says, after the big moment is over and Jared's heart is beating normally again, “celebration dinner tomorrow?”
“Sure, I'll call to tomorrow with the details.” Jared says, happy that he had someone to share this moment with, even if he would have preferred it to be Jensen.
“’Kay. Have fun waiting for Jensen to get home.”
***
Jensen can't believe he actually won. He had wanted to go home right after the award show but Joseph had convinced him to stay a bit. The other man had said it would be rude for the award winner to leave right away, and Jensen guessed he was right. So he spent the last hour drinking champagne and listening to people saying his next stop would be the Oscars.
“So,” Joseph asks, as he sits down next to Jensen at the bar, “how does it feel to be an award-winning director?”
Jensen grins at the other man.
He's pleasantly buzzed when he gets home, and the grin is still firmly in place. He can't wait to crawl into bed with Jared and to cuddle close. He had gotten a congratulatory text from Jared and a promise to celebrate the next day. So Jared couldn’t be too angry about him mentioning his boyfriend in his speech.
“Hey mister award-winner.”
Jensen jumps as he's hanging up his coat. He hadn't expected Jared to be waiting up for him. But when he turns around his boyfriend is sitting on the couch with a bottle of champagne on the table in front of him.
“Hey baby,” Jensen says. He walks over to his boyfriend and pushes him down on the couch.
Jensen lies down on top of him and kisses Jared deeply. He had missed Jared at the award show, and the moment he had heard he won, the first thing he had wanted to do was kiss Jared. Maybe it was a good thing Jared didn't come with him.
“I thought maybe we could drink some champagne,” Jared says in between kisses, “but I think you've already have had enough.”
Jensen laughs and leans back. “Do you mind?”
Jared shakes his head, and pulls Jensen down for another kiss. “Nah, did you enjoy yourself?”
Jensen nods and he cuddles closer to Jared. “I was more nervous than I thought I would be,” he mumbles.
“I wish I wasn't such a coward and just went with you,” Jared says.
Jensen looks up at that, meeting Jared's eyes. The other man looks him seriously.
“Maybe next time?” Jensen asks, hopeful.
“Yeah,” Jared answers with a soft smile, “now let's get you to bed. Chris wanted to take you out to dinner, tomorrow. Maybe we can invite Misha and Vicky?”
Jensen nods. “Chad and Kenzie too,” he says, yawning mid-sentence. “Man, I'm tired.”
Jensen feels his eyes droop and knows he's cross-eyed like, as he always gets when he's tired. Jared makes a soft noise before pulling Jensen closer. They fall asleep cuddled on the couch together.
Next chapter
Author name: dutch_chick674
Artist name: theextrac00kie
Genre:> RPS au
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 23.331
Warnings: Angst, sex scenes
Summary: Jared finally left Jensen when he was tired of always being the second choice to the other man. He worked thought the hard times on supernatural but was happy when the series finally ended.
Jensen was broken when Jared finally had enough, even though he always knew in the back of his mind that thing would eventually fall apart. He only realized what a fool he was letting Jared go after he had ruined things between them
This is the story of what happens when they meet again four years after supernatural ended.
Authors note 1: This is part of the heartbreak verse, but reading it not requited.
previous chapter
Chapter four
Five days before the Golden Nymph awards, Jensen asks Jared to go as his date. Jensen has been nominated in the category of “Outstanding Directing For A Miniseries, Movie Or A Dramatic Special” and Jared knows it's a big deal for him. Jared says he needs to think about it; he had been expecting Jensen to ask him sooner. Jared suspects that Jensen waited this long to make sure this is what Jensen wants. So Jared thinks that Jensen can’t blame him for having doubts of his own.
Jensen accepts his non-answer and gives him time to think about it. He doesn't even pressure him as the date of the Golden Nymph gets closer. Jared knows it might be unfair to make Jensen wait this long but he just can't seem to make up his mind.
“I don't know Jen,” Jared says, the day before they're meant to go.
“What?” Jensen asks and sits down on the bed.
“I don't know if I'm ready to go with you in public yet. And, I mean, the Nymphs. Can't we do something more intimate?”
Jensen sighs and pulls Jared down so that they are sitting side by side. “We talked about this.”
Jared groans. He knows deep down inside that Jensen is right. Jensen has brought up coming out many times and Jared always agreed with him. He knows that Jensen is ready for it. He just isn't sure he is.
“Come on, Jay, I really want to show you off. I want everyone to know you're taken and that I'm your man.”
Jared sighs. He doesn't want to have this conversation, ever. He just leans in, closer to Jensen.
“Please Jen, I know you want that, but I'm not ready.”
Jensen sighs. “Okay, I'm going to do something risky here and ask you why? I mean I know this is the real thing and I think you know too.”
Fuck this. Jared doesn't need Jensen to act like a shrink. Jared never nagged like this back when he was the one trying to have a real relationship with Jensen. And this is more real than everything else they ever had. They are happy together, so Jared doesn't understand why Jensen is pushing this.
“I don't want to talk about it right now.”
“Come on Jay, that's not fair. Every time I try to move forward in this relationship you either don't want to talk about it or you half-ass it.”
Jared shakes his head, “Half-ass it?”
“Yeah, like moving in. Sure, you moved in, but you kept your place. And you keep almost all your stuff there. That's not moving in, that's sleeping over every night!”
Jared feels himself getting angry, and he knows Jensen is too. This is turning out to be a full-blown fight. He never expected that, and hadn't wanted this to happen. He doesn't want get into a fight, doesn't want to say things he doesn't mean.
“I'm going to spend the night at my place,” Jared says, surprised at his own shouting. “I don't feel like sleeping over tonight.”
He is out of the door and in his car before he realizes it. He is shaking with emotions. That didn't go the way he wanted it to go. Fuck.
***
The moment the door slams, Jensen is up off the bed to chase Jared, but he changes his mind before he is out of the bedroom. He figures Jared might need some time to think things over, and maybe to cool off a bit. Jensen needs to do the same since he’s angry too.
Jensen feels sorry for even bringing it up. The last thing he wants to do is push Jared into doing something before he’s ready. He has to stop thinking about his own needs and worry about Jared’s first.
He decides that he should apologize to Jared before it’s too late. He gets in his car to drive to Jared’s apartment, knowing the other man won’t pick up his phone when he’s this angry.
When he gets to the apartment and Jared isn’t there, Jensen starts to worry. He hasn’t pushed Jared away already, has he?
Jensen wants to bang his head against the wall but decides against it. He goes back home, just in case Jared decides to come back.
When he opens the door, Tiny is there to greet him. He bumps up against Jensen demanding to be pet.
Jensen moves to pet the dog. “Well he left you behind, so at least he's coming back for you.”
***
Jared doesn't go to his apartment after the fight with Jensen. He goes to someone he never expected. Chris opens the door and glares at him.
“Jared,” he growls, “do you know how late it is?”
Jared shrugs. Maybe this wasn't the smartest move, going to Chris with his problems. But as far as he knows, Chris is the only one of their friends who knows their history. More important, Chris is the possibly only one who would take Jensen's side in all this. And Jared needed to try and see Jensen’s point of view. Jared has been thinking, while driving, and maybe Jensen had a point with what he had said before.
“Yeah,” Jared says.
He kind of expected Chris to already know what went down. He had been sure Jensen would call the other man the moment Jared slammed the door. Okay, maybe he had hoped Jensen would chase him-but, yeah, maybe he was the one in the wrong this time.
“Well are we just going to stand here or are you going to tell me what's up?” Chris asks impatiently.
“Jensen and I had a fight,” Jared says. He doesn't think Chris would appreciate him beating around the bush.
Chris leans against the doorpost and smirks. “And you come here?”
“Well, yeah, are you going to let me in or what?” Jared asks.
Chris steps aside, and both of them walk inside to sit on the couch. They sit there just staring at each other before Jared sighs and starts telling Chris about the fight, about the things Jensen accused him off, and about how he thought that maybe they might be true.
“So let me get this straight, you’re insecure about your relationship and you come to me?”
“I'm not insecure,” Jared defends.
“I beg to differ. It's not unreasonable, but here's the thing: Jensen might have put on a brave face back then, but what happened between you two, it nearly broke him. And I know that most of it was his fault, but I wouldn't be much of a best friend if I wasn’t there for him anyway. I didn't think you getting back together was a good idea, because he still has this idea that he has to make up for that crap from years ago. I don’t think it’s a healthy base to start things on.”
Jared just gapes at Chris. He never expected the other man to be this insightful. Jared now understands why Jensen sees him as such a loyal friend. That doesn't mean Jared had to see the situation the same way.
“And you think it was just a walk in the park for me? Being the other person, knowing I was destroying his relationship with Danneel?” Jared asks, getting angry with Chris for defending Jensen.
Chris let out a long suffering sigh. “I think you should talk to Jensen about this.”
Jared nods, even though he doesn't want to. He knows what Chris is trying to tell him, and what Jensen told him before he stormed out of the house. He should stop letting his fear control him and his relationship with Jensen. But he can't just turn off fear. It isn't like he is afraid without reason. Jared wasn't over what had happened in the past, as much as he tells himself he is.
“Okay,” Jared says. he stands up and walks towards the door.
Chris wasn't wrong when he said it was late. And Jared is tired. He figures he should go home and get some sleep before talking to Jensen.
“Goodnight Chris,” Jared says, and adds when he gets to the door, “and thank you.”
***
Jensen stays on the couch waiting for Jared, despite the other man’s stated intention to spend the night at his own apartment. Jensen doesn't want to go to bed; he knows that he won't be able to sleep.
Maybe he is pushing Jared into going too fast. He has been so excited to have Jared as his boyfriend that he wants to do all the things they weren't able to do before. Jensen knows that Jared had wanted all those things, back then. But they couldn't because Jensen was afraid Danneel would find out. Jensen had been blind to how much he’d hurt Jared. He thought he had known what his life was supposed to be-or at least he’d known how he wanted to world to see it. Jared hadn't fit in that picture back then.
Jensen had thought they were finally on the same page. Maybe he shouldn’t have waited until the last moment to ask Jared to the awards, but he also thought that going out in public was what Jared wanted. Apparently, he’s still blind to Jared’s concerns: he has to be the biggest asshole alive.
Jensen sighs, he is making himself crazy by over-thinking this. He can't change the past, no matter how much he wants to.
When Jared walks in, Jensen is sitting there, staring at the TV and wondering how he can make this up to the other man.
“Jen?” Jared questions and Jensen looks up.
Jensen is up from the couch in front of Jared before he can blink, holding the other man close. He wants to apologize, wants to promise never to push Jared like that again.
“Why did you come back?” Jensen whispers against Jared’s neck.
“I remember how much it hurt when you,” Jared stops and swallows loudly, “when you used to walk away from me like that. I promised myself I would never do that to another person.”
Jensen swallows thickly before looking up at his boyfriend. “Jared I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you. If you’re not ready then I should respect that. Sorry, I was being so selfish”
Jared pulls him closer again, “You’re okay with me not being ready to come out?”
Jensen sighs, “I’ll wait for you to be ready. I love you so much, Jared.”
Jared nods. “I love you too. Let’s not fight about this again.”
Jensen is all too happy to make that promise.
***
Jared is still on the couch when he wakes up the next morning. Jensen is no longer next to him but before he can decide how he feels about it the other man starts talking.
“Morning,”
When Jared turns towards the voice he finds Jensen sitting on a chair across from the couch. He has a serious look on his face and the lines around his eyes have deepened.
“How long have you been up?” Jared asks with a frown.
Jensen shrugs. “Haven't slept much. I've done some thinking, about yesterday.”
Jared nods, he had been too tired to think last night. After his talk with Chris he had come home and all he had wanted to do was sleep. Now that the night is behind them, Jared thinks he can look at their issues more clearly.
“You're the only man I’ve ever been with,” Jensen says. It startles Jared out of his thoughts.
Jared sits up, scrubs his hands over his face, and looks at Jensen, confused.
“Jensen, what?” Jared starts to asks, but Jensen stops him.
“Please, Jay, let me speak,” Jensen says and takes a deep breath. “You're the only man I've ever been with Jay. And still, I'm more than happy to identify myself as gay. Because I think you will be the only person I can ever really be happy with. So yeah I'm gay. Gay for you. Only I couldn't say that when I came out, because you hated me back then.”
Jared wants to object, to say that he never really hated Jensen. Sure there were times he wished he could hate him. Then he realizes what Jensen has just said. He never knew Jensen didn’t date. He had done his best to avoid any gossip about Jensen. Sure, he had heard about the other man coming out, because he had already been out and people asked if he and Jensen ever dated. But, other than that, he didn’t keep track of what Jensen did. He feels touched by what Jensen is telling him; he can’t believe he was the only man in Jensen’s life. It means a lot to him.
“Jay, I love you so much and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my live with you,” Jensen finishes.
After Jensen's done talking they both sit there staring at each other for a while before Jared gets up and walks towards Jensen. He sits on the other man’s lap, needing to be close to his boyfriend.
“I love you, so much,” Jared says.
Jensen's eyes get suspiciously glassy and Jared thinks for one moment the other man is actually going to cry, but then Jensen sighs and pulls him into a deep kiss.
They sit there, kissing and hugging each other, until Jensen jokes that his legs have fallen asleep and suggests that they get some breakfast.
***
Jensen spends the rest of the day resting and getting ready to walk the red carpet. He doesn't ask Jared to go as his date again. He knows that the other man isn't ready for that yet. He does think about it though: about how they should tell the public, their fans, that they are dating. It's on his mind for most of the day.
He stands in front of his mirror straightening his tie, and Jared watches him from his place on the bed.
“You know,” Jared says, as he stands up and helps Jensen, “if they ask the dating question, maybe you should say that, yes, you are dating.”
Jared still sounds unsure but when Jensen turns to look him in the eye he looks determined.
“Yeah?” Jensen breathes, and feels something bright and happy bloom in his chest.
“Yeah, I mean I'm not,” Jared clears his throat, “I'm not sure about telling them about us. You could mention you are dating, but that the person you are dating is very private?”
Jensen's so happy that Jared is willing to make this concession that he wants to jump the man, right now. Unfortunately they don't have time; the limo should be there in a couple of minutes.
“Okay,” Jensen answers instead, “if they ask me, I will.”
Jared nods. “Yeah, then they'll start digging, guessing. Then it won't be such a shock when we come out later.”
Jensen pulls his boyfriend close, and knows he will be smiling the whole night thinking about the other man. This was the first time Jared has talked of coming out, without Jensen starting the conversation. It feels so good, after their row, last night.
“I have to go,” Jensen says, groaning when the doorbell rings.
“I'll be watching TV, rooting for you to win babe.”
Jensen grins and gives Jared one last kiss before rushing towards the car waiting outside.
***
Chris calls halfway through the award show. The only thing Jared has seen is all the famous people going inside, after taking some time to talk to the reporters outside. They have just shown Jensen posing for some pictures with the cast of his movie.
“So I'm guessing you two made up,” Chris says in lieu of greeting.
“How the fuck do you know that?” Jared asks, because there is no way Chris is that insightful.
“That grin on Jenny's face. There is only one person who can put it there.”
Okay, so maybe Chris is that insightful, Jared thinks.
“So that means you’re watching?” Jared asks.
He is only half paying attention to Chris. Jensen is on TV talking to a reporter. He is telling them about working with Joseph.
“Yeah. He's my best friend, you know. I wanted to plan this whole party, but I figure we have to wait until he's home to join in.” Chris says, and Jared can hear his smirk. “You think he stands a chance?”
Jared nods, absentminded. He almost regrets not being there. Jensen looks great in his suit, and Jared can almost imagine himself hanging off his arm. It would be just like when there were still on Supernatural.
“Jared?” Chris asks, and Jared realizes he is on the phone so Chris can't see his nod.
“Yeah,” Jared replies. “You know he's good at what he does.”
“Fuck yeah, he is. I think we should go out and celebrate tomorrow,” Chris says.
It sounds like he wants to add more but Jared shushes him. They are showing the nominations clips for best directors. That means it won't be long before they'll announce the winner and Jared doesn't want to miss that moment just because Chris has been yapping in his ear.
He is completely focused on the television, as it shows the spilt screens when the winner is announced. He sees Jensen eyes widen when his name is called, and Jared sees the person next to him urge Jensen to get up. Jared grins. It's just like Jensen to sit there and take a moment to process things.
“Holy shit,” Chris says in his ear as Jensen makes his way to the stage, “holy shit he won!”
Jared grins. “Yeah.”
Then they are both quiet when Jensen makes his acceptance speech. Jared gasps when Jensen thanks his boyfriend. Thanks him, even if he doesn't say any names. It makes him feel special.
“So,” Chris says, after the big moment is over and Jared's heart is beating normally again, “celebration dinner tomorrow?”
“Sure, I'll call to tomorrow with the details.” Jared says, happy that he had someone to share this moment with, even if he would have preferred it to be Jensen.
“’Kay. Have fun waiting for Jensen to get home.”
***
Jensen can't believe he actually won. He had wanted to go home right after the award show but Joseph had convinced him to stay a bit. The other man had said it would be rude for the award winner to leave right away, and Jensen guessed he was right. So he spent the last hour drinking champagne and listening to people saying his next stop would be the Oscars.
“So,” Joseph asks, as he sits down next to Jensen at the bar, “how does it feel to be an award-winning director?”
Jensen grins at the other man.
He's pleasantly buzzed when he gets home, and the grin is still firmly in place. He can't wait to crawl into bed with Jared and to cuddle close. He had gotten a congratulatory text from Jared and a promise to celebrate the next day. So Jared couldn’t be too angry about him mentioning his boyfriend in his speech.
“Hey mister award-winner.”
Jensen jumps as he's hanging up his coat. He hadn't expected Jared to be waiting up for him. But when he turns around his boyfriend is sitting on the couch with a bottle of champagne on the table in front of him.
“Hey baby,” Jensen says. He walks over to his boyfriend and pushes him down on the couch.
Jensen lies down on top of him and kisses Jared deeply. He had missed Jared at the award show, and the moment he had heard he won, the first thing he had wanted to do was kiss Jared. Maybe it was a good thing Jared didn't come with him.
“I thought maybe we could drink some champagne,” Jared says in between kisses, “but I think you've already have had enough.”
Jensen laughs and leans back. “Do you mind?”
Jared shakes his head, and pulls Jensen down for another kiss. “Nah, did you enjoy yourself?”
Jensen nods and he cuddles closer to Jared. “I was more nervous than I thought I would be,” he mumbles.
“I wish I wasn't such a coward and just went with you,” Jared says.
Jensen looks up at that, meeting Jared's eyes. The other man looks him seriously.
“Maybe next time?” Jensen asks, hopeful.
“Yeah,” Jared answers with a soft smile, “now let's get you to bed. Chris wanted to take you out to dinner, tomorrow. Maybe we can invite Misha and Vicky?”
Jensen nods. “Chad and Kenzie too,” he says, yawning mid-sentence. “Man, I'm tired.”
Jensen feels his eyes droop and knows he's cross-eyed like, as he always gets when he's tired. Jared makes a soft noise before pulling Jensen closer. They fall asleep cuddled on the couch together.
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