(no subject)
Yesterday was spent in husky-coloured fragile meadows, shyly sunny valleys guarded by shadowy trees, waterfalls with seemingly neither beginnings nor endings, the icy sentinel of a mountain that is Mt. Rainier. I wanted to shout my presence from every peak and let every atom of my body merge with the air to carry me on the breeze and across the mountain range. I could see myself living in a valley by a lake, waking up every morning to misty mornings and calm sunsets. I could also see myself living in a small house so full of books as to overflow with them, and with a large garden shimmering with plants of every variety.
There are other memories I'll have of this weekend. Going to Chabad with Zach and getting into a discussion about Shakina and Shabbat, of Judaism vs. Christianity as interpreted by Rabbi Ellie, of frustation about ignorance. If there's one thing that I can nearly despise in people, it is ignorance. There are talks of HFS and Invisible Man, of hummus sandwiches and Wheat Thins, of updates.
Spanish 302 ended on Wednesday, and with that, I saw the last of Javi as a professor, after having him since the end of the March. I remember how much I'd been grouchy about having him as a prof, about how much I'd not like going to class because I so often left class at the end of the day feeling worse about my Spanish than I had at the beginning of the day. Even with that, I had a sense of letdown after class on Wednesday, a sense of losing one of the connections to spring quarter and the secluded feeling of introspection that predominated.
I wonder what would happen if I just didn't get on the plane to Israel. No, check that. I wonder what would happen if I just spent my time in Israel going on my own schedule, rather than my family's schedule. I wonder what it would be like to smoke nargilah every night again, walking the beaches, oggling the Israeli soliders and talking philosophy. I wonder what it would be like to reclaim Israel as my own experience.
I wonder what it would be like to completely yield physically, spiritually, and mentally to another person. I had a dream about doing so two or three nights ago, and I still remember the purity of feeling I felt in that dream when I let go of all pretenses, when I surrendered to letting that other person take care of me. I wonder what it'd feel like to just... not think. I don't know if's possible for me!
There are other memories I'll have of this weekend. Going to Chabad with Zach and getting into a discussion about Shakina and Shabbat, of Judaism vs. Christianity as interpreted by Rabbi Ellie, of frustation about ignorance. If there's one thing that I can nearly despise in people, it is ignorance. There are talks of HFS and Invisible Man, of hummus sandwiches and Wheat Thins, of updates.
Spanish 302 ended on Wednesday, and with that, I saw the last of Javi as a professor, after having him since the end of the March. I remember how much I'd been grouchy about having him as a prof, about how much I'd not like going to class because I so often left class at the end of the day feeling worse about my Spanish than I had at the beginning of the day. Even with that, I had a sense of letdown after class on Wednesday, a sense of losing one of the connections to spring quarter and the secluded feeling of introspection that predominated.
I wonder what would happen if I just didn't get on the plane to Israel. No, check that. I wonder what would happen if I just spent my time in Israel going on my own schedule, rather than my family's schedule. I wonder what it would be like to smoke nargilah every night again, walking the beaches, oggling the Israeli soliders and talking philosophy. I wonder what it would be like to reclaim Israel as my own experience.
I wonder what it would be like to completely yield physically, spiritually, and mentally to another person. I had a dream about doing so two or three nights ago, and I still remember the purity of feeling I felt in that dream when I let go of all pretenses, when I surrendered to letting that other person take care of me. I wonder what it'd feel like to just... not think. I don't know if's possible for me!