I know what you're think.........2
So today being v day of all days, no not victory day, we're never gonna win that war, valentine's day, I got to thinking. I know you guys feel prompted to say "go figure," but let me explain first. I thought about the same subject that was undoubtedly on countless minds today, lonliness. But this is where my mind went. I first thought about how much time I've spent alone in the last year or two. To put this comparatively, most individuals I know have to struggle to find alone time, whilst I have so much I end up dedicating it to silly shit like devising rediculous schematics for guitars and the like. Now for some reason, for perhaps the first time, I wasn't focusing on this. Instead I was wondering what it was that drove me to have so much solo time. Is it my often irrational and irratic behavior? Is it my obvious inability to communicate with others in typical social settings? Do people just not like me? Do I talk too much? Am I too opinionated? Or am I just flat out missing something? Then I realized just from asking myself these questions that my treatment of my personality disorders was far too narrowed and focused, that I wasn't looking at the big picture. I realize now that almost everything I do runs people off, not all at once but over time and in steadily increasing incriments. So today, being a day that I am notorious for getting wasted and falling down on, became a day for inflection and personal growth. Now I just have to figure out how to dramatically modify the way that I interact with others. Maybe I'll be lazy and save that for the next holiday.