I came to a fork in the road...
I'm crying right now. I'm breaking down. I can't understand what's God and what's my own foolish human emotions. There are just too many options...
Here's what started the whole thing tonight: "Iam" from the board IMed me and we started talking, and I found that he goes to Humbolt State. That's the college that my good friend Bex from Reed went for a term on student exchange. While she was there she found this great ministy called Prodigal Project, which reaches out to transients, nomadic youth, hippie kids who are just...drifting. So I find the site for him, then start exploring it again for myself. God, I want to be there. I could do so much good there. Teenagers even... And ministry training, and oh my God, I want to be there right NOW! I really don't fear being in that environment, around people who have been on drugs or involved in the occult. That's from where God brought me(the occult, not drugs) and that's where kids need help. It's exactly the type of thing I've been looking for.
I could do it, even, if I stayed in school, graduated, then went down there. Then I'd be free of that obligation to my parents. They'd give me a hug and play proud mom and dad, then ask me what I'm going to do with my life, and off to hippie-ville I'd go.
But staying in school means staying. In Oregon. And not moving to North Carolina. No Noah. No Laura. No Aaron. God, I miss everyone so much. How can I stay? My heart wants to go. But what can I do there? Get a job? A minimum wage job just enough to pay for an apartment I'd have to live in by myself. But my friends... They won't be in Eugene, and they won't be in Arcata.
California? Where did that come from? It could take me other places...across the country, to India or Israel even... but what am I saying? I'm just a nerdy kid, and I'll probably be far away from my computer, which puts me farther away from boardies. They could always write me, I guess. Long letters, you guys. Long letters.
"You can't build your life around that message board." This is what I hear my parents saying. God, I'm breaking down.
Here's what started the whole thing tonight: "Iam" from the board IMed me and we started talking, and I found that he goes to Humbolt State. That's the college that my good friend Bex from Reed went for a term on student exchange. While she was there she found this great ministy called Prodigal Project, which reaches out to transients, nomadic youth, hippie kids who are just...drifting. So I find the site for him, then start exploring it again for myself. God, I want to be there. I could do so much good there. Teenagers even... And ministry training, and oh my God, I want to be there right NOW! I really don't fear being in that environment, around people who have been on drugs or involved in the occult. That's from where God brought me(the occult, not drugs) and that's where kids need help. It's exactly the type of thing I've been looking for.
I could do it, even, if I stayed in school, graduated, then went down there. Then I'd be free of that obligation to my parents. They'd give me a hug and play proud mom and dad, then ask me what I'm going to do with my life, and off to hippie-ville I'd go.
But staying in school means staying. In Oregon. And not moving to North Carolina. No Noah. No Laura. No Aaron. God, I miss everyone so much. How can I stay? My heart wants to go. But what can I do there? Get a job? A minimum wage job just enough to pay for an apartment I'd have to live in by myself. But my friends... They won't be in Eugene, and they won't be in Arcata.
California? Where did that come from? It could take me other places...across the country, to India or Israel even... but what am I saying? I'm just a nerdy kid, and I'll probably be far away from my computer, which puts me farther away from boardies. They could always write me, I guess. Long letters, you guys. Long letters.
"You can't build your life around that message board." This is what I hear my parents saying. God, I'm breaking down.