temper temper
There's an interesting study investigating the theory that lactating women are more aggressive than non-lactacting women. Specifically defensive aggression; not this study, but apparently other ones, show that lactating women are no more likely than other women to START conflicts/confrontations/aggression, but they are much more likely to RESPOND to a threat with escalation--in this study, TWICE as likely.
Of course this study is just correlation not causation blah blah blah but given what we see in nature regarding the notorious aggression of mother animals (mama bear, anyone?), the idea that lactation specifically has hormonal components designed to increase responsive aggression, and that this is a feature not a bug so to speak, just makes sense. We all have fight-or-flight response ingrained in us on an instinctive level; primitively speaking, if have a nursing child, our flight abilities are greatly hampered; it only makes sense that our bodies would gear us to be much more willing to choose the "fight" response.
In other animals that live in groups, especially ones where a single male has numerous mates, the females jockey for position and access to resources for their children. Again, it makes sense evolutionarily for the balance of the scale to tip towards "fight" in this scenario.
The problem of course is that we're not dealing with "threat: rival female reaching for last hunk of water buffalo when I haven't eaten yet" or "threat: dog attack" most of the time anymore. It's more "threat: other toddler just pushed my kid over" or "threat: this dude cut in front of me at Starbucks" or "threat: stepped on Lego".
I definitely think I have noticed this in myself. It was worse when I was EBF, then it got better, and now that I am both pregnant and lactating it seems to be getting worse again. In particular I feel like my temper is much shorter with Pippa, especially surrounding nursing. According to La Leche League, Kelly Mom and other sources, this is not uncommon (anecdata, not studies here).
At toddler group last week, we were talking about time out and whether people use it or not, and I said "I don't know if it helps Pippa at all or makes her behave better, but it really helps ME if she's done something really bad to have sixty seconds to cool down!" I guess that's the way I chiefly think about it at this point--time out isn't so much "punishing Pippa" as it is "I need to get a hold of myself" because my initial reaction is usually just over the top. And it only takes that minute for the surge, it really is like a rush, to subside and I can get it under control and be rational. And it doesn't flare up in reaction to all bad behavior--only bad behavior which threatens me/others/fragile objects--especially the first. (EG, I don't get the RAGE if she throws a block at a wall, but if she BITES me, I feel ENORMOUS RAGE).
That's why I favor the "time out" tactics of either sticking her in her playpen, or turning my back on her, or just me leaving the room, depending. I just need to calm myself, more than anything.
I hate that initial rage though. I want to scream, hit things, break things, etc. It overwhelms me and I almost can't even think for a few seconds--just like a white out. Clenched fists etc. I really want it to stop. I'm thinking about bringing it up at my next prenatal appointment. I don't think I really need anger counseling or anything but maybe they have some resources in mind for tips to calm the rage reaction quicker/better (because a lot of times I feel more like I am stuffing it down, rather than putting it out, and thus I'm more likely to flare up again at other life annoyances like stubbing my toe or having the computer refuse to work or whatever).
Of course this study is just correlation not causation blah blah blah but given what we see in nature regarding the notorious aggression of mother animals (mama bear, anyone?), the idea that lactation specifically has hormonal components designed to increase responsive aggression, and that this is a feature not a bug so to speak, just makes sense. We all have fight-or-flight response ingrained in us on an instinctive level; primitively speaking, if have a nursing child, our flight abilities are greatly hampered; it only makes sense that our bodies would gear us to be much more willing to choose the "fight" response.
In other animals that live in groups, especially ones where a single male has numerous mates, the females jockey for position and access to resources for their children. Again, it makes sense evolutionarily for the balance of the scale to tip towards "fight" in this scenario.
The problem of course is that we're not dealing with "threat: rival female reaching for last hunk of water buffalo when I haven't eaten yet" or "threat: dog attack" most of the time anymore. It's more "threat: other toddler just pushed my kid over" or "threat: this dude cut in front of me at Starbucks" or "threat: stepped on Lego".
I definitely think I have noticed this in myself. It was worse when I was EBF, then it got better, and now that I am both pregnant and lactating it seems to be getting worse again. In particular I feel like my temper is much shorter with Pippa, especially surrounding nursing. According to La Leche League, Kelly Mom and other sources, this is not uncommon (anecdata, not studies here).
At toddler group last week, we were talking about time out and whether people use it or not, and I said "I don't know if it helps Pippa at all or makes her behave better, but it really helps ME if she's done something really bad to have sixty seconds to cool down!" I guess that's the way I chiefly think about it at this point--time out isn't so much "punishing Pippa" as it is "I need to get a hold of myself" because my initial reaction is usually just over the top. And it only takes that minute for the surge, it really is like a rush, to subside and I can get it under control and be rational. And it doesn't flare up in reaction to all bad behavior--only bad behavior which threatens me/others/fragile objects--especially the first. (EG, I don't get the RAGE if she throws a block at a wall, but if she BITES me, I feel ENORMOUS RAGE).
That's why I favor the "time out" tactics of either sticking her in her playpen, or turning my back on her, or just me leaving the room, depending. I just need to calm myself, more than anything.
I hate that initial rage though. I want to scream, hit things, break things, etc. It overwhelms me and I almost can't even think for a few seconds--just like a white out. Clenched fists etc. I really want it to stop. I'm thinking about bringing it up at my next prenatal appointment. I don't think I really need anger counseling or anything but maybe they have some resources in mind for tips to calm the rage reaction quicker/better (because a lot of times I feel more like I am stuffing it down, rather than putting it out, and thus I'm more likely to flare up again at other life annoyances like stubbing my toe or having the computer refuse to work or whatever).