*flump*
One step forward and one back I guess.
Earlier today I was reading a post on my friend Mary's blog. It always helps me feel better when I read posts from people I know talking about their own parenting struggles, because I tend to assume that everyone else is doing motherhood better than I am. "I bet Mary never serves the same kind of frozen vegetable for lunch and dinner... I bet Andrea never wants to tell Theresa to shut up... I bet Christine never lets the dishes sit overnight..." etc. So reading these kind of posts makes me realize you can still be a really admirable parent even with rough days, and that a lot of the rough stuff happens privately where you might not see it.
So I guess it's only fair to be my own example of this.
I tried to start the bedtime process a tad early tonight because I needed to wash diapers. So I timed everything so that we got out of the bathtub at about 8:30, got into nighttime clothing, read two books, cuddled, and nursed, with the idea that she would fall asleep between 8:45 and 9pm.
Well, she didn't fall asleep until 9:15pm, and then when I attempted to transfer her to the crib, she woke up. I tried singing to her and rubbing her back, which usually works, but not tonight. Whether nursing, or back rubbing, or singing without touching, or whatever, she would be quiet and still and seem to be falling/fallen asleep, but as soon as I tried to leave, she would start crying.
At 9:45pm she still was getting up screaming every time I attempted to leave, and I ended up leaving her in the crib just to take the diapers down and get them started. When I got back she was screaming and crying so hard her face turned bright red, but I needed to get the diapers started on the rinse cycle, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to dry the diapers tonight at that point.
At 10:20pm she still wasn't asleep, and I had to leave her in the crib again to add soap and start the wash cycle. When I came back upstairs, I was so done with this kid. I knew I simply could not cuddle her, sing to her, or do any of that without my own frustration and anger being apparent to her and making her more upset. So I laid down in the bed with her next to me and read books on my iPad without interacting with her. Not sure exactly at what point she fell asleep. Just before 11pm I successfully transferred her to the crib.
Aside from the diapers, which are now going to sit in the washing machine overnight, I had planned to clean up from dinner, tidy the front room, skin and debone some chicken pieces to prepare them for the freezer, and strain some beef broth that was in the crockpot. I actually completely forgot that I was making stock in the crock pot until I started writing this paragraph. I just turned it off.
Man. So, I was writing that paragraph to say that I'm not going to get any of that stuff done, but I have to deal with the stock before I go to bed. Fudgemonkeys.
And I was going to reward myself upon hypothetically getting all of that done with some ice cream and writing a blog post about something frivolous. I was going to get myself some ice cream now, but I don't want any. I don't want any ice cream. That's pretty bad. I asked myself what I wanted, and all I wanted was a glass of water. Which I am sipping now.
*sip sip*
I think I was in a bad mood going into bedtime because I'd checked out the weather report this morning and it appeared that a storm was going to move into the area around midday, rain, and then clear out, so I wanted to wait until after the rain to go grocery shopping and hit the library (on foot). But it didn't rain and didn't rain and didn't rain, and by the time I clued in, I was worried about it starting to rain, or the trip cutting into dinner and bedtime, etc. So I never got out of the house today.
I need to make sure I get out and do things tomorrow.
Earlier today I was reading a post on my friend Mary's blog. It always helps me feel better when I read posts from people I know talking about their own parenting struggles, because I tend to assume that everyone else is doing motherhood better than I am. "I bet Mary never serves the same kind of frozen vegetable for lunch and dinner... I bet Andrea never wants to tell Theresa to shut up... I bet Christine never lets the dishes sit overnight..." etc. So reading these kind of posts makes me realize you can still be a really admirable parent even with rough days, and that a lot of the rough stuff happens privately where you might not see it.
So I guess it's only fair to be my own example of this.
I tried to start the bedtime process a tad early tonight because I needed to wash diapers. So I timed everything so that we got out of the bathtub at about 8:30, got into nighttime clothing, read two books, cuddled, and nursed, with the idea that she would fall asleep between 8:45 and 9pm.
Well, she didn't fall asleep until 9:15pm, and then when I attempted to transfer her to the crib, she woke up. I tried singing to her and rubbing her back, which usually works, but not tonight. Whether nursing, or back rubbing, or singing without touching, or whatever, she would be quiet and still and seem to be falling/fallen asleep, but as soon as I tried to leave, she would start crying.
At 9:45pm she still was getting up screaming every time I attempted to leave, and I ended up leaving her in the crib just to take the diapers down and get them started. When I got back she was screaming and crying so hard her face turned bright red, but I needed to get the diapers started on the rinse cycle, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to dry the diapers tonight at that point.
At 10:20pm she still wasn't asleep, and I had to leave her in the crib again to add soap and start the wash cycle. When I came back upstairs, I was so done with this kid. I knew I simply could not cuddle her, sing to her, or do any of that without my own frustration and anger being apparent to her and making her more upset. So I laid down in the bed with her next to me and read books on my iPad without interacting with her. Not sure exactly at what point she fell asleep. Just before 11pm I successfully transferred her to the crib.
Aside from the diapers, which are now going to sit in the washing machine overnight, I had planned to clean up from dinner, tidy the front room, skin and debone some chicken pieces to prepare them for the freezer, and strain some beef broth that was in the crockpot. I actually completely forgot that I was making stock in the crock pot until I started writing this paragraph. I just turned it off.
Man. So, I was writing that paragraph to say that I'm not going to get any of that stuff done, but I have to deal with the stock before I go to bed. Fudgemonkeys.
And I was going to reward myself upon hypothetically getting all of that done with some ice cream and writing a blog post about something frivolous. I was going to get myself some ice cream now, but I don't want any. I don't want any ice cream. That's pretty bad. I asked myself what I wanted, and all I wanted was a glass of water. Which I am sipping now.
*sip sip*
I think I was in a bad mood going into bedtime because I'd checked out the weather report this morning and it appeared that a storm was going to move into the area around midday, rain, and then clear out, so I wanted to wait until after the rain to go grocery shopping and hit the library (on foot). But it didn't rain and didn't rain and didn't rain, and by the time I clued in, I was worried about it starting to rain, or the trip cutting into dinner and bedtime, etc. So I never got out of the house today.
I need to make sure I get out and do things tomorrow.