I don't remember this from any of those "understanding love language" books
I know that The Husband loves my cooking, because apparently he tells everyone that he does, especially when I'm absent. However, he is not really that effusive during our private meal times. This has tended to make me anxious because I am one of those people who really needs verbal affirmation of her offering.
Now that it's been almost a year of marriage (even if we were cruelly separated for a portion of it), I think I've figured out his cues, and I'm able to decipher his reaction scale.
The Husband's The Scale of The Verbal Culinary Appreciation:
(from worst to best)
1. He volunteers he doesn't like something. I think this has only happened once.
2. He admits that he doesn't like something when asked his opinion, frequently in hedgey words like "not really my thing".
3. He says something is "fine" (or similar vague approval) when asked his opinion, but doesn't go back for seconds when I suggest them, and his expression while eating is bland.
4. He says something is "fine" when asked his opinion, and goes back for seconds when prompted, and his expression while eating is appreciative.
5. He says something is "fine" when asked his opinion, and gets seconds without being prompted, and his expression while eating is very appreciative.
6. His praise in response to questions about the food is anything higher than the "fine" level. (unusual)
7. He volunteers any praise of the food outside of being asked his opinion. (unusual)
8. He explicitly requests me to make something again. (has only happened a few times)
I would say 5 is the most common experience. I usually only get 6 and 7 for special meals, like Sunday meals.
It used to bother me but I've accepted now that this is just the way he is. I could draw up a similar scale for the way I look--generally I look "nice". And it isn't that he is lying, he's very honest, sometimes not diplomatic enough. Like, earlier in my pregnancy, I wore a long black dress (not a maternity dress) that at that stage of my pregnancy (early 2nd trimester) looked very nice. But I attempted to wear it for Easter and well, this happened.
Me: What do you think?
Him: I don't think that looks very good. You look like...
Me: I look like a bell.
Him: Yes! A bell! That's it exactly!
Me (shimmying): Ring ring ring!
Him (singing): You can ring my bellllll...
It was just the way that the waistline and the skirt flowed out over the bump now that it's so low, I really did look like a big bell.
As I think I have mentioned before, his response to my lament that "I feel as big as a house" was "Well, honey, you ARE a house!"
Edit: Although, you know, it occurs to me that while I don't think I've ever gotten an unsought opinion regarding an outfit from him, he does say something like "You're so beautiful" or "You're gorgeous" multiple times a day spontaneously. Even when I'm unshowered with messed up hair in a bathrobe. So... I guess as far as husband compliments go I have nothing to complain about. When I asked him, he said, "Well, that's YOU, not what you're wearing." Aw. :3
Now that it's been almost a year of marriage (even if we were cruelly separated for a portion of it), I think I've figured out his cues, and I'm able to decipher his reaction scale.
The Husband's The Scale of The Verbal Culinary Appreciation:
(from worst to best)
1. He volunteers he doesn't like something. I think this has only happened once.
2. He admits that he doesn't like something when asked his opinion, frequently in hedgey words like "not really my thing".
3. He says something is "fine" (or similar vague approval) when asked his opinion, but doesn't go back for seconds when I suggest them, and his expression while eating is bland.
4. He says something is "fine" when asked his opinion, and goes back for seconds when prompted, and his expression while eating is appreciative.
5. He says something is "fine" when asked his opinion, and gets seconds without being prompted, and his expression while eating is very appreciative.
6. His praise in response to questions about the food is anything higher than the "fine" level. (unusual)
7. He volunteers any praise of the food outside of being asked his opinion. (unusual)
8. He explicitly requests me to make something again. (has only happened a few times)
I would say 5 is the most common experience. I usually only get 6 and 7 for special meals, like Sunday meals.
It used to bother me but I've accepted now that this is just the way he is. I could draw up a similar scale for the way I look--generally I look "nice". And it isn't that he is lying, he's very honest, sometimes not diplomatic enough. Like, earlier in my pregnancy, I wore a long black dress (not a maternity dress) that at that stage of my pregnancy (early 2nd trimester) looked very nice. But I attempted to wear it for Easter and well, this happened.
Me: What do you think?
Him: I don't think that looks very good. You look like...
Me: I look like a bell.
Him: Yes! A bell! That's it exactly!
Me (shimmying): Ring ring ring!
Him (singing): You can ring my bellllll...
It was just the way that the waistline and the skirt flowed out over the bump now that it's so low, I really did look like a big bell.
As I think I have mentioned before, his response to my lament that "I feel as big as a house" was "Well, honey, you ARE a house!"
Edit: Although, you know, it occurs to me that while I don't think I've ever gotten an unsought opinion regarding an outfit from him, he does say something like "You're so beautiful" or "You're gorgeous" multiple times a day spontaneously. Even when I'm unshowered with messed up hair in a bathrobe. So... I guess as far as husband compliments go I have nothing to complain about. When I asked him, he said, "Well, that's YOU, not what you're wearing." Aw. :3