Cheating
So the theme of cheating has seemingly come up a lot lately (or has it ever gone away?)... and that's prompted me to think about my view of cheating. Having been someone that has cheated, and someone that has been cheated on - I understand the complexity the subject inherently holds. Now, I fully aspire for a monogamous, loving, committed relationship. I never *want* to cheat again. Will I ever cheat again? OF COUSE the answer is no - but anyone that can say that definitively is truly tempting fate.... so watch out. ;o)
So cheating to me is a big deal, no doubt. It's a serious breach of trust, it hurts, it's a shitty thing to do, etc etc etc. But my take on cheating is that there are a slew of shitty things you can do in a relationship. There is, of course, a continuum of shitting things someone can do in a relationship. Forgetting your partners b-day, not calling when you said you would, getting shit faced and saying something mean, calling your partner by the wrong name, ummmm, you get the point. LOTS OF things. For me, cheating is on a pretty extreme end of the continuum... but somewhere on that continuum there is a bench, and anything beyond that point is inexcusable. (although having been in a relationship where that bench was CONSTANTLY moved has shown me that it's hardly an absolute: proving love does make us do strange things...) However, possibly as a product of my past, cheating is not on this list of inexcusable actions. Cheating without remorse IS. I often find that with cheating, it is as often the act of cheating that breaks a relationship up as it is the lack of understanding from the cheater that the consequence is a breach of trust, and WORK must be done to refortify that trust. For me, if my partner cheats I'm gonna be pissed and upset and all that jazz but as long as my partner shows true remorse and is willing to work on the trust issues that develop because of the mistake - I can work through it.
Now I totally understand that some people have their line set to thinking cheating is reprehensible! I guess my rational for having my line placed slightly after cheating is because cheating happens. It happens more than not happening. Sad but true. We can have gay-hating, community bashing bitch fests for days about how gay men are immoral, unethical, prick-focused fuck heads - but the sad reality is it's a straight and gay epidemic... and it's something that isn't getting better. I realize that I'm 22. My partner will (more than likely) be a 20 something. We are intelligent walking hormones at times... and there are situations where mistakes will happen. I'm talking from the EXTREME of fucking to kissing (less extreme)... and when I get into a relationship with someone - I'm getting together with them for a plethora of reasons -- NOT JUST their ability to keep it zipped up. So hopefully there will be a lot to keep me in the relationship if he fucks up.
So, there. :o)
So cheating to me is a big deal, no doubt. It's a serious breach of trust, it hurts, it's a shitty thing to do, etc etc etc. But my take on cheating is that there are a slew of shitty things you can do in a relationship. There is, of course, a continuum of shitting things someone can do in a relationship. Forgetting your partners b-day, not calling when you said you would, getting shit faced and saying something mean, calling your partner by the wrong name, ummmm, you get the point. LOTS OF things. For me, cheating is on a pretty extreme end of the continuum... but somewhere on that continuum there is a bench, and anything beyond that point is inexcusable. (although having been in a relationship where that bench was CONSTANTLY moved has shown me that it's hardly an absolute: proving love does make us do strange things...) However, possibly as a product of my past, cheating is not on this list of inexcusable actions. Cheating without remorse IS. I often find that with cheating, it is as often the act of cheating that breaks a relationship up as it is the lack of understanding from the cheater that the consequence is a breach of trust, and WORK must be done to refortify that trust. For me, if my partner cheats I'm gonna be pissed and upset and all that jazz but as long as my partner shows true remorse and is willing to work on the trust issues that develop because of the mistake - I can work through it.
Now I totally understand that some people have their line set to thinking cheating is reprehensible! I guess my rational for having my line placed slightly after cheating is because cheating happens. It happens more than not happening. Sad but true. We can have gay-hating, community bashing bitch fests for days about how gay men are immoral, unethical, prick-focused fuck heads - but the sad reality is it's a straight and gay epidemic... and it's something that isn't getting better. I realize that I'm 22. My partner will (more than likely) be a 20 something. We are intelligent walking hormones at times... and there are situations where mistakes will happen. I'm talking from the EXTREME of fucking to kissing (less extreme)... and when I get into a relationship with someone - I'm getting together with them for a plethora of reasons -- NOT JUST their ability to keep it zipped up. So hopefully there will be a lot to keep me in the relationship if he fucks up.
So, there. :o)