replies:)
Hey you guys! Thank you all very much for replying... I have taken little pieces from each of your replies and I'm going to try to arrange things a little more in my life. I know I may have said this a lot in the past but, I don't know, I guess I'm at a point where if I really want to, changes CAN be made. I have never realized that before. The oppurtunity may have presented itself but it passed my by. Now, I am living with my parents still, I'm working a job that my starting salary is more then 20,000 a year(well, around that with no overtime/sickdays so, its an estimate) and I have no commitments other then my work right now. Obviously Shaun is a commitment;) but thats a different commitment. I mean as far as time... I almost always had school+job or something... my problem is I have SO much time on my hands I don't know what to do with it. Which is why pot was the answer. It wasn't expensive (20$ could last a good 5days at least if i didnt get real high everynight) and it was just a great way to waste a few hours every day. But I could have done so much more... Do I regret it, not at all... Will I never do it again, FAR from it... but the fact remains that I can still remember a time where not only did I NOT smoke, I didn't want my best friend to even try it. and now look where I have merged to.
Anyways, day one of my transition went AMAZINGLY! There was one speed bump named Chris (my bro) but i love him, and it wasn't anything serious or anything. I realized I just have no patience with him anymore. Is it fair to him? I don't know... I finally tried the puzzle "sudoku" for the first time. It's going to keep my mind sharp:) I am probably going to get obsessed once I get more used to it.:P I'm not super good at it yet. but games like those are a much more productive way to pass my time.
And as far as Shaun goes :P I know I'm lucky to have him... The one point I will face directly, is Michael's post... I know how it looks with the open relationship. But my reasons behind it are purely because I want to be with him forever, and if it does work out, I know that, being a gay man, (it sounds harsh but i think true) I would resent him 30 years down the road because I didnt have sex with more guys... I don't know if that's true or not, but I would hate myself if I resented him for something that was not his fault... But you can ask him:P if ever a guy walks by or whatever who I find hot, he's the first to know. I dont hide it from him at all :P he doesnt like that all that much, but I dont want to hide things like that from him. But no matter how another guy looks, acts, or makes me feel, it will never be enough to take away the last few years of my life. The only thing that will ever break Shaun and me up is us. I have had my share of infatuated men try and steal me already... and some of em were more then my type so to speak... but it isn't worth it to me... some other time, some other place, some other life maybe... But fortunately I only believe in one life as a human so... so lucky for me, I found Shaun at a ripe age of 17... you guys all mean so much to me...
on a side note the fray doesnt suck!
Anyways, day one of my transition went AMAZINGLY! There was one speed bump named Chris (my bro) but i love him, and it wasn't anything serious or anything. I realized I just have no patience with him anymore. Is it fair to him? I don't know... I finally tried the puzzle "sudoku" for the first time. It's going to keep my mind sharp:) I am probably going to get obsessed once I get more used to it.:P I'm not super good at it yet. but games like those are a much more productive way to pass my time.
And as far as Shaun goes :P I know I'm lucky to have him... The one point I will face directly, is Michael's post... I know how it looks with the open relationship. But my reasons behind it are purely because I want to be with him forever, and if it does work out, I know that, being a gay man, (it sounds harsh but i think true) I would resent him 30 years down the road because I didnt have sex with more guys... I don't know if that's true or not, but I would hate myself if I resented him for something that was not his fault... But you can ask him:P if ever a guy walks by or whatever who I find hot, he's the first to know. I dont hide it from him at all :P he doesnt like that all that much, but I dont want to hide things like that from him. But no matter how another guy looks, acts, or makes me feel, it will never be enough to take away the last few years of my life. The only thing that will ever break Shaun and me up is us. I have had my share of infatuated men try and steal me already... and some of em were more then my type so to speak... but it isn't worth it to me... some other time, some other place, some other life maybe... But fortunately I only believe in one life as a human so... so lucky for me, I found Shaun at a ripe age of 17... you guys all mean so much to me...
on a side note the fray doesnt suck!