Kawaii Tragic Forbidden Passion Rosebud Chapter 1
I uploaded a stamp proclaiming my love of badfic on DA. And the suggestions came rolling in. Holy shit I love you guys.
One fic in particular caught my eye; a Naruto fic. Now, I haven't been in the Naruto fandom since I was like 16 and creating furry Mary Sues for everything. And while it's abundantly clear this is a trollfic (thank Christ) I want to take a crack at it regardless and pretend it’s the real deal. Welcome to the wild world of Kawaii Tragic Forbidden Passion Rosebud.
note from the author: If you don't think this fanfic is kawaii, your a baka baka desu (that means "idiot" in japanese for all you losers who don't know) and don't disagree with my japanese because i've been studying it by watching anime for a half a year, i should be fluent in another year of mangas and animes
I’ve been studying for six years and I’m nowhere near fluent. Also, you shouldn’t be learning a second language if you can’t even write your first language properly. If a spider monkey on speedballs can construct more coherent sentences than you, you’re in trouble.
sasuke stepped into the moonliht of the night sexcily, nd his black eyes burning in the night air like a pasionate fire.
Oh god My Immortal flashbacks when everyone was doing everything sexily oh my fucking Christ.
he flexed his ninja-toned musles as he rested against a rock, and the sweat on his bicepzs glistened like Edward Cullen's (edward is sooooo hawt) skin as he did so.
Twilight-fuckery aside, wasn’t Sasuke kinda skinny? Not like eating disorder chicks on Dr. Phil skinny, but like anime pretty boy skinny. I remember this to be true. Maybe a little bit of muscle, idk. Nevermind, I’m going back to the Twilight reference. Out of all the things you could choose to reference Twilight with, you choose the SPARKLING. REALLY.
he was hot (duhh) after traveling so far, so he had his shirt off and henging on his shulder.
Sasuke routinely gets naked under the full moon.
"there's nobody out here at this time of nighte, so I don't need this" he said as he slowly stripped off his ninja pants
HAHAHA I SO FUCKING CALLED IT.
, revealing his tonned leg musclez and a ninja thong.
a ninja thong
a ninja thong
a ninja thong
(*diez* that wuld be soooo KAWII!)
So cute? What? A ninja thong? Question mark?
he started to walk through the dark forest again,
Naked.
his feet moving silently among the brush,
Naked.
when he suddenly heard a sound like a branch cracking.
Naked. Wait, what?
he turned around quickly, pulling a shuriken out of his thong
Is it normally part of ninja training to have an incredibly sharp throwing weapon tucked in next to your junk?
and throwing it expertly into the darkness.
But he didn’t cast magic missle!
He did a flip grAcefully and landed silently in the trees like a hawk redy to attack itz unfortunable pray. His eyes burned brighter and the sweat began to pour over his body like a wet waterfal.
So basically he’s got that anime-style tear waterfall things except instead of tears it’s sweat. That’s a fucking revolting image.
ge wuz trained to handle this, but he was still nervous, especuly because he was only wearing a thong
YOU JUST NOTICED THIS IS A PROBLEM.
and that made the situation very anbunai (author note: that means dangerous in japnese).
Abunai you dolt. Anbunai means (in incorrect grammar) “not a saddle.”
"kore sichuashun wa anbunai dess"
“Kore shichueeshon wa abunai desu.” Even the most patently retarded of weeaboos know that there is a “u” in “desu.” And if you’re gonna use Japanese in the dialogue, it better be all or fuckin’ nothing, interspersing English and Japanese is not acceptable in any circumstance.
he mutter under his breath quietly, training his gorgeous perfect eyes deep into the heart of the forest that wuz blak as night cuz it wuz nite (duhhhh bakas).
You can’t even regurgitate a legible sentence and we’re the bakas. Right.
"u have mortician aim,"
The fuck does that even mean?
came a seductiv voice out of the darkness. a ninja with bright yellow spikie hair stepped out of the darkness holding saskuke's shuriken in his hand and smiling sweetly like a buttrfly dipped in sprinkles (pink onez, best colur evr).
A butterfly dipped in sprinkles what? That’s simile fail of the highest degree. Also, obligatory Fluttershy.
"Naruto-koon," whispered Sasuke when Naruto emerged deadily from the darkness.
Naruto’s a zombie? And I’ve never met a weeaboo that couldn’t spell “kun.”
he walked toward him slowly, secretly grasping his sword (katanana) behind his back
Sasuke has a katana? The fuck is this shit? And it’s katana. Katanana is a letter away from “katakana” which is a Japanese alphabet.
(not a big sword lyke in bleech (what a not ii anime omg, its too sad)).
YOKUNAI ANIME YOU WAPANESE LITTLE SHIT.
when he got close to Naruto he moved smashigly fast and shredded Naruto's clothes into a mess of shreds on the ground, leaving Naruto completely nakedly bare with his clothes shredded on the ground.
Please don’t tell me this takes a Hogwarts Exposed turn and all the ninjas become nudists.
Naruto's rippling muscles were rippinlingly visible in the moonlight.
Naruto’s a little kid too! What, are they all taking DBZ steroids or something? Not even using Shippuden timeline would explain why Naruto and Sasuke are suddenly ripped bara men. Wait, is this a bara fic? HOLY SHIT. MIND BLOWN. YOU GUYS. IT’S A LEGIT BARA FIC. TOO BAD IT’S HORSESHIT.
They stepped closer together and NAruto whispered "anatashii ai dess" (author note: it means "i love you").
No. That’s not even fucking CLOSE to “I love you.” Incorrect Japanese aside, Sasuke just fight-strips Naruto and suddenly they’re in love? Whatever happened to getting to know each other over a cup of coffee or going out to a decent restaurant?
his voice wuz quiet and siulky like pocky cake.
Kill me now. Take that back, pocky cake actually sounds kind of delicious. Especially if it’s the Japanese pound cake type things. Damnit now I want pound cake.
ssasuke grasped him and only whispered verociously nd lustishtly, "Break me Naruto-koon"
Naruto topping? Now I KNOW this is a trollfic!
One fic in particular caught my eye; a Naruto fic. Now, I haven't been in the Naruto fandom since I was like 16 and creating furry Mary Sues for everything. And while it's abundantly clear this is a trollfic (thank Christ) I want to take a crack at it regardless and pretend it’s the real deal. Welcome to the wild world of Kawaii Tragic Forbidden Passion Rosebud.
note from the author: If you don't think this fanfic is kawaii, your a baka baka desu (that means "idiot" in japanese for all you losers who don't know) and don't disagree with my japanese because i've been studying it by watching anime for a half a year, i should be fluent in another year of mangas and animes
I’ve been studying for six years and I’m nowhere near fluent. Also, you shouldn’t be learning a second language if you can’t even write your first language properly. If a spider monkey on speedballs can construct more coherent sentences than you, you’re in trouble.
sasuke stepped into the moonliht of the night sexcily, nd his black eyes burning in the night air like a pasionate fire.
Oh god My Immortal flashbacks when everyone was doing everything sexily oh my fucking Christ.
he flexed his ninja-toned musles as he rested against a rock, and the sweat on his bicepzs glistened like Edward Cullen's (edward is sooooo hawt) skin as he did so.
Twilight-fuckery aside, wasn’t Sasuke kinda skinny? Not like eating disorder chicks on Dr. Phil skinny, but like anime pretty boy skinny. I remember this to be true. Maybe a little bit of muscle, idk. Nevermind, I’m going back to the Twilight reference. Out of all the things you could choose to reference Twilight with, you choose the SPARKLING. REALLY.
he was hot (duhh) after traveling so far, so he had his shirt off and henging on his shulder.
Sasuke routinely gets naked under the full moon.
"there's nobody out here at this time of nighte, so I don't need this" he said as he slowly stripped off his ninja pants
HAHAHA I SO FUCKING CALLED IT.
, revealing his tonned leg musclez and a ninja thong.
a ninja thong
a ninja thong
a ninja thong
(*diez* that wuld be soooo KAWII!)
So cute? What? A ninja thong? Question mark?
he started to walk through the dark forest again,
Naked.
his feet moving silently among the brush,
Naked.
when he suddenly heard a sound like a branch cracking.
Naked. Wait, what?
he turned around quickly, pulling a shuriken out of his thong
Is it normally part of ninja training to have an incredibly sharp throwing weapon tucked in next to your junk?
and throwing it expertly into the darkness.
But he didn’t cast magic missle!
He did a flip grAcefully and landed silently in the trees like a hawk redy to attack itz unfortunable pray. His eyes burned brighter and the sweat began to pour over his body like a wet waterfal.
So basically he’s got that anime-style tear waterfall things except instead of tears it’s sweat. That’s a fucking revolting image.
ge wuz trained to handle this, but he was still nervous, especuly because he was only wearing a thong
YOU JUST NOTICED THIS IS A PROBLEM.
and that made the situation very anbunai (author note: that means dangerous in japnese).
Abunai you dolt. Anbunai means (in incorrect grammar) “not a saddle.”
"kore sichuashun wa anbunai dess"
“Kore shichueeshon wa abunai desu.” Even the most patently retarded of weeaboos know that there is a “u” in “desu.” And if you’re gonna use Japanese in the dialogue, it better be all or fuckin’ nothing, interspersing English and Japanese is not acceptable in any circumstance.
he mutter under his breath quietly, training his gorgeous perfect eyes deep into the heart of the forest that wuz blak as night cuz it wuz nite (duhhhh bakas).
You can’t even regurgitate a legible sentence and we’re the bakas. Right.
"u have mortician aim,"
The fuck does that even mean?
came a seductiv voice out of the darkness. a ninja with bright yellow spikie hair stepped out of the darkness holding saskuke's shuriken in his hand and smiling sweetly like a buttrfly dipped in sprinkles (pink onez, best colur evr).
A butterfly dipped in sprinkles what? That’s simile fail of the highest degree. Also, obligatory Fluttershy.
"Naruto-koon," whispered Sasuke when Naruto emerged deadily from the darkness.
Naruto’s a zombie? And I’ve never met a weeaboo that couldn’t spell “kun.”
he walked toward him slowly, secretly grasping his sword (katanana) behind his back
Sasuke has a katana? The fuck is this shit? And it’s katana. Katanana is a letter away from “katakana” which is a Japanese alphabet.
(not a big sword lyke in bleech (what a not ii anime omg, its too sad)).
YOKUNAI ANIME YOU WAPANESE LITTLE SHIT.
when he got close to Naruto he moved smashigly fast and shredded Naruto's clothes into a mess of shreds on the ground, leaving Naruto completely nakedly bare with his clothes shredded on the ground.
Please don’t tell me this takes a Hogwarts Exposed turn and all the ninjas become nudists.
Naruto's rippling muscles were rippinlingly visible in the moonlight.
Naruto’s a little kid too! What, are they all taking DBZ steroids or something? Not even using Shippuden timeline would explain why Naruto and Sasuke are suddenly ripped bara men. Wait, is this a bara fic? HOLY SHIT. MIND BLOWN. YOU GUYS. IT’S A LEGIT BARA FIC. TOO BAD IT’S HORSESHIT.
They stepped closer together and NAruto whispered "anatashii ai dess" (author note: it means "i love you").
No. That’s not even fucking CLOSE to “I love you.” Incorrect Japanese aside, Sasuke just fight-strips Naruto and suddenly they’re in love? Whatever happened to getting to know each other over a cup of coffee or going out to a decent restaurant?
his voice wuz quiet and siulky like pocky cake.
Kill me now. Take that back, pocky cake actually sounds kind of delicious. Especially if it’s the Japanese pound cake type things. Damnit now I want pound cake.
ssasuke grasped him and only whispered verociously nd lustishtly, "Break me Naruto-koon"
Naruto topping? Now I KNOW this is a trollfic!