they whispered in my ear, and my past came falling ontop of me
he held me close. and kissed my head. and whispered in my ear about if i did that and this. i looked into his face. and i could see it in his eyes, how much after all these months he still cared for me.
he pulled me close to say goodbye, and tilted his head and whispered i've missed you alot. it warmed me. from the inside out.
the want to be missed. i am missed. and i know that these people will be here for me for all of my screw ups, and my bad moves. they will lovve me no matter what fucked up thing i do. and having that security, feeling it from the inside is such a warm feeling. it makes me smile to think of them, and how i know that they would do anything for me. how much i trust them, and they trust me. i know that you coul call me a player. i know htat i am one. i will not deny these things. but i care for each and every one of "my boys". they warm me all the way through, and few things make me happier than hearing them, and feeling their presence with me. i adore them. i didnt realize it until i went away, until i left them all behind me, how much a part each one is. how empty i feel when i cant be with them.
ive been spending my time with jeff mostly. and im a fan. we drove around and talked tonight, and it jsut felt good to talk to someone cassualy. to listen to their probelms and thoughts.
i dont even know where this entry is going. i dont write the way i used to. i liked the way i did. but i dont anymore. ive cchanged alot and i can feel it inside.
one thing i miss about home is the shows. and although you can reject the scene all you want. i miss it. i miss the acoustics i miss the people i miss the bands. i thank mindi for getting me into it. for making me come home that day and helped me to find something i liked... something i beleived in... something i have broken off to enjoy so much. god do i miss shows. i miss that cozy feeling, and knowing the bands. and ah.
and i hate how im home. and i tell him about my past. im a conniving bitch. i know this. i dont want him to see what a mess i have left behind me. i dont want him to know all the fucked up things ive done. i like everything fresh and clean the way it is. i dont want him knowing about my cutting episodes. or my boy problems in the past. these things i dont necesarrily want ot forget but dont want following me into my new life. into my new scenery.
i hate this post.
oh well
he pulled me close to say goodbye, and tilted his head and whispered i've missed you alot. it warmed me. from the inside out.
the want to be missed. i am missed. and i know that these people will be here for me for all of my screw ups, and my bad moves. they will lovve me no matter what fucked up thing i do. and having that security, feeling it from the inside is such a warm feeling. it makes me smile to think of them, and how i know that they would do anything for me. how much i trust them, and they trust me. i know that you coul call me a player. i know htat i am one. i will not deny these things. but i care for each and every one of "my boys". they warm me all the way through, and few things make me happier than hearing them, and feeling their presence with me. i adore them. i didnt realize it until i went away, until i left them all behind me, how much a part each one is. how empty i feel when i cant be with them.
ive been spending my time with jeff mostly. and im a fan. we drove around and talked tonight, and it jsut felt good to talk to someone cassualy. to listen to their probelms and thoughts.
i dont even know where this entry is going. i dont write the way i used to. i liked the way i did. but i dont anymore. ive cchanged alot and i can feel it inside.
one thing i miss about home is the shows. and although you can reject the scene all you want. i miss it. i miss the acoustics i miss the people i miss the bands. i thank mindi for getting me into it. for making me come home that day and helped me to find something i liked... something i beleived in... something i have broken off to enjoy so much. god do i miss shows. i miss that cozy feeling, and knowing the bands. and ah.
and i hate how im home. and i tell him about my past. im a conniving bitch. i know this. i dont want him to see what a mess i have left behind me. i dont want him to know all the fucked up things ive done. i like everything fresh and clean the way it is. i dont want him knowing about my cutting episodes. or my boy problems in the past. these things i dont necesarrily want ot forget but dont want following me into my new life. into my new scenery.
i hate this post.
oh well