Mmmm. Tired.
Life is busy, busy, busy. Kohl's is gearing up for the holiday season (Christmas is a 3 month holiday, didn't you know?), so there's an obscene amount of freight coming in. Everyone scheduled for the 6am shift suddenly has to come in at 5am, meaning I'm waking up at 4am on the days I have to work. "Days" should probably be in quotation marks there. Even the friggin' sun isn't up and about its business at 4 in the morning. x__x There's also school to deal with. I'm in class 4 days a week, and my 3 art classes supposedly require at least 4 extra hours of work at home to be successful. There are projects to paint, things to sculpt, and websites to design outside of class. Yeesh. I'm probably not as busy as I think I am, comparing my life to my parents' lives, but I'm doing a lot more than I'm accustomed to. Stress and fatigue is a problem. By the time I finish my 6-8 hour shift at Kohl's and my 3-5 hour day at school, I just want to come home and take a nap and not deal with the adult world. Y__Y
Still, when I'm not feeling stressed or tired, my mood seems to be a lot better. It's been a few weeks since that restless, desperate sense of discontent has raised its ugly head on a regular basis. Too busy to be depressed, I guess. While that's definitely a good thing, I'm a little disappointed that I never got started on my animation. I haven't even been thinking about it lately. Mom told me I give up too easily. It was a little surprising how accurate that assessment was. I realized that I hadn't been disappointed because I had to hold off on the project. I'd basically abandoned all hope of it ever getting started, and was ready to cast it into the pile of story fragments that I measure the passage of my life with (elementary school: my first real fictional story, an Animorph fanfic. A muddled story with a dragon, a boy, and an annoying furry thing. Middle school: two fantasy stories with Philip. Rival supervillain joint story. Wrote some of the David Carter story. Group story with Katie Welch and Anthony. Group story with Matt and 2 others. Beginning of high school: the anthropomorph story with Autumn and Kat. Tried to restart the David Carter anew on my own. Middle of high school: numerous combined continuities with David, Keiko, and the gang. Gavin Leolan. Alabaster. Dust Entropy's spanned the bridge from past to present. Current: Grant, Jessie, Rhea, and the Bleak. I've forgotten more projects than I remember).
That lack of tenacity taints my aspects of my life. I don't accomplish much. I have notebooks full of sketches and ideas but few finished products. I have a number of casual relationships, but very few close friends. I do alright in school, but don't really excel. The ambitious fire and passion some people foster is a complete mystery to me. Where does it come from? o__O How do they sustain it?
Aw, hell. The whole point of this entry was supposed ta be, "I'm busy, but I'm not depressed like I was." It's so easy to focus on the negative, but things have improved since I've started actually, y'know... doing stuff. There will always be issues to work out. Right now, I'm just glad I've been able to take even a small step towards my goals, even if it's still difficult to focus.
Still, when I'm not feeling stressed or tired, my mood seems to be a lot better. It's been a few weeks since that restless, desperate sense of discontent has raised its ugly head on a regular basis. Too busy to be depressed, I guess. While that's definitely a good thing, I'm a little disappointed that I never got started on my animation. I haven't even been thinking about it lately. Mom told me I give up too easily. It was a little surprising how accurate that assessment was. I realized that I hadn't been disappointed because I had to hold off on the project. I'd basically abandoned all hope of it ever getting started, and was ready to cast it into the pile of story fragments that I measure the passage of my life with (elementary school: my first real fictional story, an Animorph fanfic. A muddled story with a dragon, a boy, and an annoying furry thing. Middle school: two fantasy stories with Philip. Rival supervillain joint story. Wrote some of the David Carter story. Group story with Katie Welch and Anthony. Group story with Matt and 2 others. Beginning of high school: the anthropomorph story with Autumn and Kat. Tried to restart the David Carter anew on my own. Middle of high school: numerous combined continuities with David, Keiko, and the gang. Gavin Leolan. Alabaster. Dust Entropy's spanned the bridge from past to present. Current: Grant, Jessie, Rhea, and the Bleak. I've forgotten more projects than I remember).
That lack of tenacity taints my aspects of my life. I don't accomplish much. I have notebooks full of sketches and ideas but few finished products. I have a number of casual relationships, but very few close friends. I do alright in school, but don't really excel. The ambitious fire and passion some people foster is a complete mystery to me. Where does it come from? o__O How do they sustain it?
Aw, hell. The whole point of this entry was supposed ta be, "I'm busy, but I'm not depressed like I was." It's so easy to focus on the negative, but things have improved since I've started actually, y'know... doing stuff. There will always be issues to work out. Right now, I'm just glad I've been able to take even a small step towards my goals, even if it's still difficult to focus.