When sh*t hits the fan
A friend just sent me a text, telling me that she just enrolled in the philosophy class that I'm in. I don't know how I should feel about this. And no, I'm sure she wasn't stalking me because once a student is enrolled in the course, they can check the class list. But I wasn't expecting this because I did ask her if she was going to take a philosophy class but she said she wasn't and that she was going to be busy during this semester. But that's not the point.
A miscellaneous picture that's being used in a cognitive psych experiment I'm working on. Beautiful, isn't it? :)
I have a feeling that our friendship is heading towards a passive-aggressive relationship. I don't know if we would be friends if I had decided to become a film major instead of a Pre-Vet/Neuroscience major by the time I met her. In the beginning, we thought that we were rather compatible with each other. But that's not the case. Recently, I went on a road trip and discovered that there's bigger differences between us. It felt like I got married but had my honeymoon end in less than 2 hours.
Here's the story:
During the middle of this trip, she-- let's call her Maggie--- told me about a book that she was doing an independent study. I forget the book's name but she described the story as being set in a future in which the world heads towards androgyny. Maggie told me that there's genetic evidence that the world would go in this direction and this would reap many benefits (ex: health). Then, Maggie asked me what did I think about the book. I said: It's kinda weird. And that was all I said.
She got upset and asked me to elaborate. I told her that I felt uncomfortable with the idea that the world would head in this direction. Maggie said, "You think what I'm saying is BS." She kept pushing me to elaborate and I was hesitant to continue with this because I would have to talk about religion. I knew Maggie was atheist (although she did also describe herself as being a possible agnostic). She knew I was Roman Catholic. I didn't want to get in the issue of religion.
Eventually, I said that I was uncomfortable with moral implications that such a future would bring. Maggie raised a brow and asked me this question like this:
Let's say, you know you're going to have a child who has a genetic disorder. However, science has advanced to the point that it was possible to change/remove the gene causing the disorder before the child was even born. What would you do?
I answered:
I would be afraid of such a solution because there would be such great potential for it to be abused in the future. I would be hesitant to endorse such a solution as great as it sounds... I would consider adoption. It would be painful for me to bring a child into the world who I know who would born with genetic disorder X even though the solution you just described existed.
Upon hearing my response, Maggie scoffed at me and told me that I would obviously take the 'cure'. I'm not sure how I would act in the future because this is obviously a difficult question. But I was started to get irritated by her attitude. She asked me if my sentiments had to do with religion and God. I said: Yes.
That's when shit started to hit the fan.
Maggie laughed and told me that Jesus died in the 70's. Now, I really was pissed. I told her that He didn't. She told me that she was just joking.
Joking?
That wasn't a joke but an insult if I've ever seen one. I never forced my religion on her and avoided the topic of religion. But she knew I was Roman Catholic and was serious about my faith. I was so angry but fortunately, I refrained myself from saying anything more. I just made a mental prayer in my head to calm down. Then I asked Maggie why she wanted me to share the same opinion as her about the matter. I told her that I don't agree with the viewpoint but I am entitled to my own opinion. It didn't mean that I disregard her any less.
Maggie was silent for a moment. She calmed down and told me that she wanted to know what other people thought about the book because it's a fairly new book and she has to write a paper on it. But that's only part of the reason why she reacted so strongly. Up until then, we never had a disagreement with each other. There is no way that she would react like that if she didn't expect me to agree with her.
>_>;;
Back to the present:
Now and then, Maggie describes to me the film treatments that she's reading and she would ask me what I think. The plot descriptions are short and I have no idea what film she might be talking about. I just give a first-impression of what I felt about the plot. Then she would ask me to elaborate and she just continues pushes me. Dude, I'm not a film major!! I have other shit to worry about. Last time, I told her that based on what she told me, the plot sounded like it could be in television and she looked at me funny and asked me to explain. I did. And then she said: You really know a lot about film, don't you?
I have no idea if I should take that for sarcasm. It feels like I should, based on her weird facial expression and tone of voice.
Then, she said she had to go to work (which she does have) and immediately, she got up from the dinner table and left before I had the chance to say anything else.
What the fuck.
(At least, say goodbye or something.)
I'm nowhere near being a holy person. And I probably didn't show her as much generosity as I could towards her, as a friend. But she seriously can grate on my nerves. Sometimes, I want to shake her and tell her: TOUGHEN UP. IF YOU'RE ALWAYS GOING TO REACT LIKE THAT WHENEVER THERE'S A DIFFERENCE IN OPINION, YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE. AND I'M YOUR FRIEND. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE? YOU'RE A FILM MAJOR FOR FUCK'S SAKE. THE FILM INDUSTRY IS NOT KIND.
End rant.
Basically, I think sharing a (philosophy) class with her would be far from sunshine and daisies. But I've noticed that I've been starting to feel more irritated and less than generous when around her. Not good. I'm not exactly being mature either if I allow myself to feel like this. I don't want to be that resentful person. I don't want to be that kind of friend. I've been praying for help with this. Hopefully, I can keep my mind open. After all, true friendship demands patience and acceptance. I have to learn how to move over something as petty as this. It's just like what one friend (who I really care about) told me: As long as your friend didn't kill or rob someone (anything illegal or morally offensive), friendship shouldn't be broken just like that.
I'll have to think about what's best and resolve this class-drop issue.
Speaking of friends, the friend that I loved unconditionally was my cat.
This isn't my cat. But my beloved cat (who died suddenly last summer) was a mixed-breed and he looked a lot like this one.
I raised my cat for 11 years since he was a kitten. Once, I dropped something heavy on my foot and cried out on pain. My cat immediately ran over, jumped on me and cried out as he looked up at me. I don't think I have ever seen so much concern in another cat's eyes. I have a few regrets. I wished I could have spoiled him more. I wish I watched his diet more carefully. I wish I spent more money on his health. I wish I didn't give in and let him go outside. I wish I could have petted him more. I wish I could have loved him more. But most importantly, I wished he was still alive.
But that's enough sadness. In the future, I will post actual pictures of him and (funny) stories of our time together.