(no subject)
I'm really debating whether or not to quit this JCPS Brown School bullshit and just get the 1 credit I need correspondence. None of this senior project 'better the community' bullshit that everyone knows is just some 17 year olds half-baked half-assed last minute thing they do simply to graduate, so that Brown can proliferate and continue the idea that they are "unique" and "individually-centered" . I hate the people I go to school with, I hate waking up at some ungodly hour after only sleeping five to go to a class where I listen the oh-so-unique-and-in-touch-with-adolescents teacher make fart jokes as an attempt to really empathize with our pathetic plights. I hate that I waste most of my time at school doing nothing, and I hate that I have this ugly and obvious contrast between being at school and doing unecessary things and then rushing to work to rush around there and do pointless things.
The way I see it, I could complete my english/ health credit and then spend my time volunteering, doing art, creative writing, and working to make the money I so desperately need to go to college next year. I could have time to read the books that would actually educate me in broader ways, I wouldn't have to be forced into doing school fundraisers, I would be able to do math and take walks and take pictures and paint all day and not be tired.
I started to talk to my mom about this, but she started freaking out and saying that she didn't want me to be lazy like my father to which I told her that I was actually working 10 times harder than I would be at school, just more efficiently and productively. But then she said that the best gift I could give her would be for her to see me walk across the stage to get my diploma.
I'm afraid that if I do this, I'll regret never walking across the stage and I'll feel weird going to college next fall and have structure again.......
I am a little afraid of being lonely, because my friends group is pretty limited to one or two people.....but at the same time I can't stand the fact that I hate everyone in the senior class but I have to kiss thier ass (which is exhausting in itself) so we can turn over our tassels at graduation and make kissy faces and pretend like we care with 'real' emotion.
I don't know, I really have no clue..... either way life will rush on in it's stream of dull and dismal times ... it's all just a matter of format.
The way I see it, I could complete my english/ health credit and then spend my time volunteering, doing art, creative writing, and working to make the money I so desperately need to go to college next year. I could have time to read the books that would actually educate me in broader ways, I wouldn't have to be forced into doing school fundraisers, I would be able to do math and take walks and take pictures and paint all day and not be tired.
I started to talk to my mom about this, but she started freaking out and saying that she didn't want me to be lazy like my father to which I told her that I was actually working 10 times harder than I would be at school, just more efficiently and productively. But then she said that the best gift I could give her would be for her to see me walk across the stage to get my diploma.
I'm afraid that if I do this, I'll regret never walking across the stage and I'll feel weird going to college next fall and have structure again.......
I am a little afraid of being lonely, because my friends group is pretty limited to one or two people.....but at the same time I can't stand the fact that I hate everyone in the senior class but I have to kiss thier ass (which is exhausting in itself) so we can turn over our tassels at graduation and make kissy faces and pretend like we care with 'real' emotion.
I don't know, I really have no clue..... either way life will rush on in it's stream of dull and dismal times ... it's all just a matter of format.