an update of epic proportions
So, another Halloween come and gone. When I was little my mom always used to make me potatoe soup and then smear my face with oily grease makeup that inevitably ran together. I went out from 3-1:00 so I missed the trick or treaters and my brother doesn't go anymore so there's no candy to steal from my pantry. Christmas season is coming up, and I can't help but get this feeling of melancholy dread at the flood of memories it will bring back.
I'm actually trying to make a coherent, expressive and informative post like people care....but I care..I have yet to abandon LJ.
Lately I have been kind of sad and mellow and at first it made no sense, but I can separate it into a couple reasonings:
1) First and foremost every time I talk to people I think they are complete hypocraites and backstabbers, and I feel like one too. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I have to scrape grime off me every time I finish a conversation with someone. For some reason 12th grade feels more like sixth grade. I just want to like people for who they are and disregard what they aren't but I get so caught up in being hyper-critical and the juicy gossip about everyone and what they think about me and who i'm allowed to like...and I used to think that I was above caring about opinions and reputations but i'm not. So I'll go on being enslaved to those who carry the most weight, shut my mouth and try not to hate myself to a ridiculous extent.
2) Secondly, the second reason is greatly connected to the first. I think I am reduced to hypocraitical, double-faced bullshit because I devalue the people around me because I get tired of them. I need to meet new people, new faces, go different places and do different things, or atleast hang out with people I don't see or have never talked to extensively.
3) Thirdly, my life is missing even a token infatuation. My life has no romance, not even a glimpse of a chase over whatever boy with hip hair who listens to hip music and wears hip-ly dirty clothes. My life has no element of desire, and instead of feeling calm I just feel bored. Someone come along and lift my spirits just to reject me in a few months, please. I need some excitement.
4) School. What else do I need to say about that?
so anyway, tonight at Alex's was pretty fun. I love dancing, I love the endorphin rush I get dancing with a bunch of people- it makes me wish for an enjoyable-and-not-lame show to go to and just get sweaty and dance unrythmically. I could've danced until, like 3 am. Tomorrow I will just rest and then hopefully do something completely different and unexplored with Luke. It looks like tomorrow will be a white t-shirt day.
I'm actually trying to make a coherent, expressive and informative post like people care....but I care..I have yet to abandon LJ.
Lately I have been kind of sad and mellow and at first it made no sense, but I can separate it into a couple reasonings:
1) First and foremost every time I talk to people I think they are complete hypocraites and backstabbers, and I feel like one too. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I have to scrape grime off me every time I finish a conversation with someone. For some reason 12th grade feels more like sixth grade. I just want to like people for who they are and disregard what they aren't but I get so caught up in being hyper-critical and the juicy gossip about everyone and what they think about me and who i'm allowed to like...and I used to think that I was above caring about opinions and reputations but i'm not. So I'll go on being enslaved to those who carry the most weight, shut my mouth and try not to hate myself to a ridiculous extent.
2) Secondly, the second reason is greatly connected to the first. I think I am reduced to hypocraitical, double-faced bullshit because I devalue the people around me because I get tired of them. I need to meet new people, new faces, go different places and do different things, or atleast hang out with people I don't see or have never talked to extensively.
3) Thirdly, my life is missing even a token infatuation. My life has no romance, not even a glimpse of a chase over whatever boy with hip hair who listens to hip music and wears hip-ly dirty clothes. My life has no element of desire, and instead of feeling calm I just feel bored. Someone come along and lift my spirits just to reject me in a few months, please. I need some excitement.
4) School. What else do I need to say about that?
so anyway, tonight at Alex's was pretty fun. I love dancing, I love the endorphin rush I get dancing with a bunch of people- it makes me wish for an enjoyable-and-not-lame show to go to and just get sweaty and dance unrythmically. I could've danced until, like 3 am. Tomorrow I will just rest and then hopefully do something completely different and unexplored with Luke. It looks like tomorrow will be a white t-shirt day.