Rambling
No one reads this anyway so i will just post away.
I have become very superstitious since my mother died. She said on her death bed that she would send me signs, and when I am very down or scared, i catch myself taking comfort in coincidences. For example: I took it as a very good sign that my doctor not only was wearing purple nailpolish (like my mom), but walked over before I had noticed it and showed it to me so I could see the little sparkles it had in it. It was sort of a cheesy icebreaker but it worked beautifully because it made me think of my mom.
My endocrinologist is tiny, super smart, and very sweet. She has a pretty name too. Asra Kermani. I have confidence that she has my best interest at heart, which is something you can't say about every doctor.
She listened to me for long time, made notes, asked questions, examined me, and then ordered tons of tests and sent me over to the lab. She said my hormones are definitely off, but she didn't try to push hormone therapy on me. She thinks my body is overproducing insulin or is simply unable to use the insulin it produces or both. She is also a dietitian, but she started me really simply. She said that I cannot, under any circumstances DRINK anything with sugar or sweetener of any kind. She said to do this first and we would address everything else later. So, water, unsweet tea, or unsweet coffee. No sodas (diet or regular), no juice, no smoothies, no chocolate milk, no egg nog, no margaritas/daiquiris, etc.
I had to have blood drawn, and there were like 6 tubes maybe seven....so it took a while, and the lady blew out one arm and had to use the other. I had been fasting (because they told me to) and I got really sick and nearly passed out when they took my blood. I felt like I needed to throw up, then I got cold and sticky, then hot like my skin was on fire. I was barely conscious. I could hear her talking but couldn't answer her. I could feel the sweat literally dripping off my face and arms. I had to lay down for a little while before I could leave. I didn't cry this time (first time ever)....and I didn't have a panic attack in the waiting room so I guess my fear of needles is ever so slowly fading.
Ian is in a manic-but-not-happy phase, which is AWFUL....I much prefer the "christmas spirit" sort of manic he gets sometimes. Right now he is just ancy, angry, rude, and unhappy. When I speak to him he glares at me or flat-out ignores me. It has been like this for a couple of days.
I am having a hard time being happy about Thanksgiving without him making things worse....first holiday season without Jaxie. Landon is coming tomorrow, and I will get to see all my friends when I go to Emory. I am especially looking forward to seeing the Huizars.
I have become very superstitious since my mother died. She said on her death bed that she would send me signs, and when I am very down or scared, i catch myself taking comfort in coincidences. For example: I took it as a very good sign that my doctor not only was wearing purple nailpolish (like my mom), but walked over before I had noticed it and showed it to me so I could see the little sparkles it had in it. It was sort of a cheesy icebreaker but it worked beautifully because it made me think of my mom.
My endocrinologist is tiny, super smart, and very sweet. She has a pretty name too. Asra Kermani. I have confidence that she has my best interest at heart, which is something you can't say about every doctor.
She listened to me for long time, made notes, asked questions, examined me, and then ordered tons of tests and sent me over to the lab. She said my hormones are definitely off, but she didn't try to push hormone therapy on me. She thinks my body is overproducing insulin or is simply unable to use the insulin it produces or both. She is also a dietitian, but she started me really simply. She said that I cannot, under any circumstances DRINK anything with sugar or sweetener of any kind. She said to do this first and we would address everything else later. So, water, unsweet tea, or unsweet coffee. No sodas (diet or regular), no juice, no smoothies, no chocolate milk, no egg nog, no margaritas/daiquiris, etc.
I had to have blood drawn, and there were like 6 tubes maybe seven....so it took a while, and the lady blew out one arm and had to use the other. I had been fasting (because they told me to) and I got really sick and nearly passed out when they took my blood. I felt like I needed to throw up, then I got cold and sticky, then hot like my skin was on fire. I was barely conscious. I could hear her talking but couldn't answer her. I could feel the sweat literally dripping off my face and arms. I had to lay down for a little while before I could leave. I didn't cry this time (first time ever)....and I didn't have a panic attack in the waiting room so I guess my fear of needles is ever so slowly fading.
Ian is in a manic-but-not-happy phase, which is AWFUL....I much prefer the "christmas spirit" sort of manic he gets sometimes. Right now he is just ancy, angry, rude, and unhappy. When I speak to him he glares at me or flat-out ignores me. It has been like this for a couple of days.
I am having a hard time being happy about Thanksgiving without him making things worse....first holiday season without Jaxie. Landon is coming tomorrow, and I will get to see all my friends when I go to Emory. I am especially looking forward to seeing the Huizars.