Well...
Right then. I am now enrolled in the online program for the court reporting I was taking at the school. Some of the side effects of my NF bothered other students too much (i'd really rather not go into it. If you know what I'm refering to fine, if not, that's okay too). Then head of student services or whatever she does, I can't even remember now, talked to me today, and said that they hate for me to give up on the program cuz she hears nothing but good things about me, but they just can't have such a disturbance at the school. So they are making an exception to their usual rule that you have to live 50 miles from a campus to do the online course.
I understand the reason, but it still hurts. And I still cried. And i skipped my last class so I could go home and cry, but it was just computer and I am ahead anyway. I am embarressed and hurt and I hate this feeling. I understand the why, but that doesn't make it any easier. I just want to crawl in a hole and pull it in after me and stay there. But I won't, cuz I'm not like that. Tonight I will go out to the Church and have fun and laugh and pretend that all is well in my world, cuz that is what I do. And I will keep pretending until I have convinced myself that this is the best thing possible.
I hope.
I understand the reason, but it still hurts. And I still cried. And i skipped my last class so I could go home and cry, but it was just computer and I am ahead anyway. I am embarressed and hurt and I hate this feeling. I understand the why, but that doesn't make it any easier. I just want to crawl in a hole and pull it in after me and stay there. But I won't, cuz I'm not like that. Tonight I will go out to the Church and have fun and laugh and pretend that all is well in my world, cuz that is what I do. And I will keep pretending until I have convinced myself that this is the best thing possible.
I hope.