time keeps moving, time never stops
I want to do something super fun! Something crazy and passionate. Been having trouble sleeping. My mind keeps running full speed and I cannot calm it. So much has changed and will continue to change tremendously in the near future. The end of a chapter in my life. We just couldn't make it work out, but at least we got a shot. Some of the best experiences/times/feelings of my life. Beautifully unique to the period and people of this time. Actually, if you want to know the truth I am still madly in love but it is only a weak version of what was. I have felt very foolish holding on to things. I had/have made myself incredibly vulnerable. But that's how I know I gave it a real go. Some of the messy parts make you feel alive. I'm not romanticizing the ugly parts, those were indeed destructive and scarring. However, I prefer to remember the stuff that makes one acknowledge that they are not actually a single being. We are all connected and some individuals are able to connect on such a level that truly opens them to the contentedness of being completely yourself with someone. They were short glimpses, but they meant the world.
As they say - the truth will set you free. This has never been so true in my life. I have a TON of healing to do but now I can actually finish the process, instead of the false beginnings of before. The deep sadness is still lingering; it comes and goes in waves that sometimes *still* take me aback. What's up with that internal emotional balance mechanism? :P But honestly I have also been the giddiest I can remember in a while because I am finally departing this stalled vehicle of a relationship and can move on to something better! Actually, I guess I was the only one present for the last main drag of it. I felt a change of heart a long time ago. I thought I could recapture the good parts, and there were very lovely times had, but I lost their interest. I can't begrudge the people that took my place, actually sometimes I feel sorry for them, not anger. I'm weird like that.
I will recapture someone's interest again. Maybe more completely and steadfast than before. I am looking forward to sharing those moments again, when you feel like you will never be alone again because you've found your someone. It's not a possessive thing, well it can be in a playful way. But it's more like you're just a pair, you match, you go together. That's just how it is. Salt and pepper. The same thing but different enough to keep things interesting. And delicious. hahaha. I will learn from the mistakes I made and the things that failed --- to be a better person.
Anyway, enough of that subject. I have made a deeper friendship from an acquaintance. It's pretty rad. Overwhelming sometimes actually. I can't wait to meet more people. I miss big groups. Parties. Those were my thaaangs.
And I'm going to be skinnier. It's going to freak people out. I'm going back to school. I've also accepted a position at my sister's hospital. I move out of nac at the end of August. Get a tat soonish. That's on my mind a lot lately. Take care of myself and have myself as my main focus.
It's like I wanted to cry and jump for joy at the same time. Right now I just want a cig though, but I am being good. ;)
As they say - the truth will set you free. This has never been so true in my life. I have a TON of healing to do but now I can actually finish the process, instead of the false beginnings of before. The deep sadness is still lingering; it comes and goes in waves that sometimes *still* take me aback. What's up with that internal emotional balance mechanism? :P But honestly I have also been the giddiest I can remember in a while because I am finally departing this stalled vehicle of a relationship and can move on to something better! Actually, I guess I was the only one present for the last main drag of it. I felt a change of heart a long time ago. I thought I could recapture the good parts, and there were very lovely times had, but I lost their interest. I can't begrudge the people that took my place, actually sometimes I feel sorry for them, not anger. I'm weird like that.
I will recapture someone's interest again. Maybe more completely and steadfast than before. I am looking forward to sharing those moments again, when you feel like you will never be alone again because you've found your someone. It's not a possessive thing, well it can be in a playful way. But it's more like you're just a pair, you match, you go together. That's just how it is. Salt and pepper. The same thing but different enough to keep things interesting. And delicious. hahaha. I will learn from the mistakes I made and the things that failed --- to be a better person.
Anyway, enough of that subject. I have made a deeper friendship from an acquaintance. It's pretty rad. Overwhelming sometimes actually. I can't wait to meet more people. I miss big groups. Parties. Those were my thaaangs.
And I'm going to be skinnier. It's going to freak people out. I'm going back to school. I've also accepted a position at my sister's hospital. I move out of nac at the end of August. Get a tat soonish. That's on my mind a lot lately. Take care of myself and have myself as my main focus.
It's like I wanted to cry and jump for joy at the same time. Right now I just want a cig though, but I am being good. ;)