Time For A Little Rant
I'm going insane and I know why, I understand it and it isn't cause of meds or some stupid excuse...
My body is rejecting something which up until lately, I needed, and without it, I'm getting depressed... I'm getting suicidal, I'm becoming a horrible person and someone I REALLY dun wanna be...
My body is rejecting Hate
I live off hate, its like a drug, its one of the only thing that have kept me going..
My HATRED for Newfoundland makes me want to get off it, this place is a festering cesspool of drunks and nobodies, I am not one of them
My HATRED for my ex's made me look even harder for the right guy to be with, and I found that guy
My HATRED for my family made me the person that I am... cause I WILL NEVER TURN OUT like them
My HATRED for those that lied to me, wronged me in my eyes, is what gives me the strength to stand up to them, to tell them to fuck off and drive me to destroy their lives
My HATRED for my friends has pushed me to the limits, it has made me look at the people I hang around with and decide if they really are good enough
My HATRED for my mate has driven me to threaten suicide, something he stopped by threatening to take his own life... something I couldn't let happen
My HATRED for myself is what made me think that the sweetest words I could ever hear are "I'm leaving you for someone else"
My HATRED for the past is what keeps me wary of the same shit happening again and hurting me again
My HATRED for order is what feeds my need for chaos
My HATRED for chaos is what feeds my need for order
My HATRED for those that sleep around on me behind my back is what drives my heart to darkness and seclusion
My HATRED for anything good in my life is what makes me leap back from any kindness
My HATRED for life itself is what made me strong
My HATRED for those that said they loved me but never really did, or do not currently, burns my soul to its core and hardens myself against further lies and attacks
And now I am without any of that, cause I don't want to hate anymore... but I feel I need to.. some of the things I said are ok to hate, some aren't, but I don't know anymore. I don't know why I posted this, maybe to get something off my chest, or maybe to make it a bit clearer to people about what I am going through cause it isn't fun. Most people in my life are scum, a few outcroppings are not and I thank them for that... I leave you with a though in the tag
I've been defeated and brought down
Dropped to my knees when hope ran out
The time has come to change my ways
On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all, leave it all behind
I'll never long for what might have been
Regret won't waste my life again
I won't look back
I'll fight to remain:
On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all, leave it all behind
On this day its so real to me
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive
Fear will kill me, all I could be
Lift these sorrows
Let me breathe, could you set me free
Could you set me free
On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all behind
On this day its so real to me
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive
My body is rejecting something which up until lately, I needed, and without it, I'm getting depressed... I'm getting suicidal, I'm becoming a horrible person and someone I REALLY dun wanna be...
My body is rejecting Hate
I live off hate, its like a drug, its one of the only thing that have kept me going..
My HATRED for Newfoundland makes me want to get off it, this place is a festering cesspool of drunks and nobodies, I am not one of them
My HATRED for my ex's made me look even harder for the right guy to be with, and I found that guy
My HATRED for my family made me the person that I am... cause I WILL NEVER TURN OUT like them
My HATRED for those that lied to me, wronged me in my eyes, is what gives me the strength to stand up to them, to tell them to fuck off and drive me to destroy their lives
My HATRED for my friends has pushed me to the limits, it has made me look at the people I hang around with and decide if they really are good enough
My HATRED for my mate has driven me to threaten suicide, something he stopped by threatening to take his own life... something I couldn't let happen
My HATRED for myself is what made me think that the sweetest words I could ever hear are "I'm leaving you for someone else"
My HATRED for the past is what keeps me wary of the same shit happening again and hurting me again
My HATRED for order is what feeds my need for chaos
My HATRED for chaos is what feeds my need for order
My HATRED for those that sleep around on me behind my back is what drives my heart to darkness and seclusion
My HATRED for anything good in my life is what makes me leap back from any kindness
My HATRED for life itself is what made me strong
My HATRED for those that said they loved me but never really did, or do not currently, burns my soul to its core and hardens myself against further lies and attacks
And now I am without any of that, cause I don't want to hate anymore... but I feel I need to.. some of the things I said are ok to hate, some aren't, but I don't know anymore. I don't know why I posted this, maybe to get something off my chest, or maybe to make it a bit clearer to people about what I am going through cause it isn't fun. Most people in my life are scum, a few outcroppings are not and I thank them for that... I leave you with a though in the tag
I've been defeated and brought down
Dropped to my knees when hope ran out
The time has come to change my ways
On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all, leave it all behind
I'll never long for what might have been
Regret won't waste my life again
I won't look back
I'll fight to remain:
On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all, leave it all behind
On this day its so real to me
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive
Fear will kill me, all I could be
Lift these sorrows
Let me breathe, could you set me free
Could you set me free
On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all behind
On this day its so real to me
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive