RANTRANTRANT
HOLD IT!
You are now entering a ranting zone with a lot of real life moments and emotions.
If you don't want to read my life's crap, then don't click
Do you ever get this feeling you do other stuff just so you can blend in with other people?
With other peole you like.
Or with people you are interested in.
Or maybe just some poeple.
I get this feeling a lot nowdays.
And it revolves both my worlds - My real life and my internet life.
In my reality, the fact that I sit on my ass all day doing nothing... I wanna do something and I don't know what \:
I want to draw cartoons, I want to register to kick boxing classes, I want get a job, I want to get a boyfriend, I want to call the army, I want to call my doctor to ask her stuff, I want to visit my old highschool to see all the teachers.
I want to hang out with my friends.
But most of them are in the army and since I'm not yet, I always feel left out because I have no idea what they are talking about :\
I just feel like I'm a loser who can't control my life.
I have so many problems that I know they are psychological ones and I so so want to slove them but I'm too embarrassed of them or just don't want to talk about them.
I just want a normal life.
I wish my mom was alive again... I really miss her.
One time I had a dream she came back to life and I cried out of sleep, I remember.
She said in my dream that I shouldn't worry and she is going to make me some food that I really love and that everything is going to be back to the way it was.
But then I woke up.
And I wished I'd go back to sleep to see her face again.
I already forgot her voice. That mother voice that I so long to hear again.
But I still remember her touch, the feeling of her fingers when I told her goodbye when I didn't know I was telling her goodbye. She always have this scent too that was only my mother's.
I wanted to be there when she was gone, when she was really a few moments from her last breath.
But all I could do is come two days before that, still hoping she'll get well.
What an idiot, I should have seen this coming.
I somehow felt I got this the evil eye from a lady I set next to when my mom got hospitalized for the last time.
When she asked me why I'm here I told her about my mom and she began to ramble that she won't make it and no one get's out of it.
I wanted to punch her face that moment.
Can you get anymore tactless to a 16 and a half years old girl?!
If my mom was here, I'm sure she would know how to help me out with all my problems.
I'm just sorry that she never had a chance to see me getting my certificate of merit when I finished highschool.
Or she'll never be able to see me enlisting to the army.
I never really talk that much about my mom but my father's girlfriend (or exgf, I don't know yet. Thanks DAD) says it helps to talk or write about it.
She knows about this stuff.
Thank you Lihi <3 you are an amazing person.
AND OFF TO RANTING ABOUT MY LITTLE BUBBLE OF ANIMU AND MA(YO)NGA
I recently- no, for a long while now, feel like I'm watching or reading or LIKING stuff just so I would have common things to talk about.
It's not only with the people in the anime-manga lovers whole comm, it's also my friends from there.
Well, my REAL friends from that section actually don't talk about anime THAT MUCH and I have so many things to talk about with them that are not related to japan-o-phila.
But there are other people, both one that I can meet and both from the internetz, that I REALLY want to talk to (notinthestalkermanner<<;;) just... don't talk |: >
IDK, I think I gotta get away from this world for a while.
No video games or anime or manga or forums or MSN and shit.
Maybe just writting and drawing things that aren't related to any anime just my own self.
Watching cool shows I like, like Family Guy or TrueBlood that I began watching some time ago.
Or just watch some Jim Carry movies because I simply ADORE this person, he is my role modle.
I want to be a more lively and funny person, to be able to make lots of people laugh and smile and not just my friends.
I want to be free to do what I want and what I feel.
...okay, maybe he doesn't do all that BUT STILL.
But I guess I just want to be away from it for a while.
Be a little less compfreak and see what's around me ya know?
NO YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT LOL.
I know that, in the end, this world is a part of me but, I just don't want it to be all of me ya know?
Yeah I bet you do
SO THANKS FOR READING THIS RANT YOU FEW PEOPLE WHO DO READ MY POST LOLOLOL
THIS IS THE END OF THE BRAIN FUCK :U
so
TEH END
You are now entering a ranting zone with a lot of real life moments and emotions.
If you don't want to read my life's crap, then don't click
Do you ever get this feeling you do other stuff just so you can blend in with other people?
With other peole you like.
Or with people you are interested in.
Or maybe just some poeple.
I get this feeling a lot nowdays.
And it revolves both my worlds - My real life and my internet life.
In my reality, the fact that I sit on my ass all day doing nothing... I wanna do something and I don't know what \:
I want to draw cartoons, I want to register to kick boxing classes, I want get a job, I want to get a boyfriend, I want to call the army, I want to call my doctor to ask her stuff, I want to visit my old highschool to see all the teachers.
I want to hang out with my friends.
But most of them are in the army and since I'm not yet, I always feel left out because I have no idea what they are talking about :\
I just feel like I'm a loser who can't control my life.
I have so many problems that I know they are psychological ones and I so so want to slove them but I'm too embarrassed of them or just don't want to talk about them.
I just want a normal life.
I wish my mom was alive again... I really miss her.
One time I had a dream she came back to life and I cried out of sleep, I remember.
She said in my dream that I shouldn't worry and she is going to make me some food that I really love and that everything is going to be back to the way it was.
But then I woke up.
And I wished I'd go back to sleep to see her face again.
I already forgot her voice. That mother voice that I so long to hear again.
But I still remember her touch, the feeling of her fingers when I told her goodbye when I didn't know I was telling her goodbye. She always have this scent too that was only my mother's.
I wanted to be there when she was gone, when she was really a few moments from her last breath.
But all I could do is come two days before that, still hoping she'll get well.
What an idiot, I should have seen this coming.
I somehow felt I got this the evil eye from a lady I set next to when my mom got hospitalized for the last time.
When she asked me why I'm here I told her about my mom and she began to ramble that she won't make it and no one get's out of it.
I wanted to punch her face that moment.
Can you get anymore tactless to a 16 and a half years old girl?!
If my mom was here, I'm sure she would know how to help me out with all my problems.
I'm just sorry that she never had a chance to see me getting my certificate of merit when I finished highschool.
Or she'll never be able to see me enlisting to the army.
I never really talk that much about my mom but my father's girlfriend (or exgf, I don't know yet. Thanks DAD) says it helps to talk or write about it.
She knows about this stuff.
Thank you Lihi <3 you are an amazing person.
AND OFF TO RANTING ABOUT MY LITTLE BUBBLE OF ANIMU AND MA(YO)NGA
I recently- no, for a long while now, feel like I'm watching or reading or LIKING stuff just so I would have common things to talk about.
It's not only with the people in the anime-manga lovers whole comm, it's also my friends from there.
Well, my REAL friends from that section actually don't talk about anime THAT MUCH and I have so many things to talk about with them that are not related to japan-o-phila.
But there are other people, both one that I can meet and both from the internetz, that I REALLY want to talk to (notinthestalkermanner<<;;) just... don't talk |: >
IDK, I think I gotta get away from this world for a while.
No video games or anime or manga or forums or MSN and shit.
Maybe just writting and drawing things that aren't related to any anime just my own self.
Watching cool shows I like, like Family Guy or TrueBlood that I began watching some time ago.
Or just watch some Jim Carry movies because I simply ADORE this person, he is my role modle.
I want to be a more lively and funny person, to be able to make lots of people laugh and smile and not just my friends.
I want to be free to do what I want and what I feel.
...okay, maybe he doesn't do all that BUT STILL.
But I guess I just want to be away from it for a while.
Be a little less compfreak and see what's around me ya know?
NO YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT LOL.
I know that, in the end, this world is a part of me but, I just don't want it to be all of me ya know?
Yeah I bet you do
SO THANKS FOR READING THIS RANT YOU FEW PEOPLE WHO DO READ MY POST LOLOLOL
THIS IS THE END OF THE BRAIN FUCK :U
so
TEH END