(no subject)
i am now
working at Ben&Jerry's
playing mj
awaiting university replies
learning driving
eating ice cream
getting fat.
talleah said to me on the train that "church is still the best place after all". if you ask me if i miss church and the kind of heart the people have over there, the answer would of course be yes. but just like what talleah's friends said, it is very hard to go back. the friend also said that after all the fun and cool stuff and everything, you realise that church is still what you need. i was on the train today and i saw someone that looked really like ricky.
why is it that everytime you manage to fool yourself into thinking that this is it, something too obvious just slams you in your face? it is most annoying. you know, i always thought i make quite a good friend. i'd listen if i have to, i'll try to do what a friend ought to do. idk why, but truth is, i am a lousy friend. i dont have a friend who would confide in my anymore. i dont have a friend who would want to talk to me. i dont have a friend who can love me for me. and for a really weird reason, the fun crowd is always the superficial crowd. we thought we'd last forever.
today i heard something that really hurt. something that cut to the bone. something that really made me stop in my tracks. then i realised that i do have to stop. that i should have stopped long ago. take stock of my life, notice the emptiness. i feel i should take some time off, reorganise my life. make new plans, see to certain things and let go of certain things.
the most painful thing to do is always letting go. when you open your mahjong tiles and you see 3 yi shuo, but 9 wan zi, you only can win best by letting og of the shuos. and i always always find this part the hardest. letting go.
admist all the cutting remaks that i have to bravely take in stride like a boy, ( i am not a boy really) this is most hurtful. it didnt have to come out from your mouth, it doesnt have to be now, it still hurts, and it will always hurt. until i don't give a shit about us anymore. and i can do that. i believe anyone can uproot a feeling if they set their heart to it.
i think i feel very shitty now. and my right shoulder blade is aching like crap. i think im gng to go. bye.
p/s: MY INTUITIONS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN, AND ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. I TOLD YOUYOUYOU YOU YOU THAT THEY LOVE YOU MORE. AND THEY DO. THEY LOVE YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU MORE THAN ME. A THOUSAND TIMES OVER. IN FACT, THEY DONT EVEN LOVE ME AT ALL.
working at Ben&Jerry's
playing mj
awaiting university replies
learning driving
eating ice cream
getting fat.
talleah said to me on the train that "church is still the best place after all". if you ask me if i miss church and the kind of heart the people have over there, the answer would of course be yes. but just like what talleah's friends said, it is very hard to go back. the friend also said that after all the fun and cool stuff and everything, you realise that church is still what you need. i was on the train today and i saw someone that looked really like ricky.
why is it that everytime you manage to fool yourself into thinking that this is it, something too obvious just slams you in your face? it is most annoying. you know, i always thought i make quite a good friend. i'd listen if i have to, i'll try to do what a friend ought to do. idk why, but truth is, i am a lousy friend. i dont have a friend who would confide in my anymore. i dont have a friend who would want to talk to me. i dont have a friend who can love me for me. and for a really weird reason, the fun crowd is always the superficial crowd. we thought we'd last forever.
today i heard something that really hurt. something that cut to the bone. something that really made me stop in my tracks. then i realised that i do have to stop. that i should have stopped long ago. take stock of my life, notice the emptiness. i feel i should take some time off, reorganise my life. make new plans, see to certain things and let go of certain things.
the most painful thing to do is always letting go. when you open your mahjong tiles and you see 3 yi shuo, but 9 wan zi, you only can win best by letting og of the shuos. and i always always find this part the hardest. letting go.
admist all the cutting remaks that i have to bravely take in stride like a boy, ( i am not a boy really) this is most hurtful. it didnt have to come out from your mouth, it doesnt have to be now, it still hurts, and it will always hurt. until i don't give a shit about us anymore. and i can do that. i believe anyone can uproot a feeling if they set their heart to it.
i think i feel very shitty now. and my right shoulder blade is aching like crap. i think im gng to go. bye.
p/s: MY INTUITIONS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN, AND ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. I TOLD YOUYOUYOU YOU YOU THAT THEY LOVE YOU MORE. AND THEY DO. THEY LOVE YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU MORE THAN ME. A THOUSAND TIMES OVER. IN FACT, THEY DONT EVEN LOVE ME AT ALL.