fanfiction: Return of the Go Master, Part III
Title: Return of the Go Master
Rating: probably PG for imagined nudity and boy-boy kissage
Warning: maybe not work safe. Why chance it?
Disclaimer: I don't own this series, and I intend no copyright infringement
PART III
Hikaru was still smiling when he opened his eyes to another lucid dream. He was back in his old room at his parents' house, lying on his old bed. The goban sat in its usual spot in the center of the floor, and Sai was waiting beside it.
"Oh, wow." Filled with nostalgia, Hikaru sat up and looked around at his childhood books and toys. "I know I'm dreaming, because this place is now a sewing room."
Sai's eyes widened. "Eh? Then where do you sleep?"
Chuckling, Hikaru got up, crossed to the goban, and took his place. "I have my own apartment these days." He studied the layout of the stones, and immediately recognized it as the last time he had played Sai. A lump began to form in Hikaru's throat. "Oh…this game."
Sai lowered his gaze. "I want to finish it."
"I want to finish it, too." Hikaru's voice shook a little, and he had to swallow before he trusted himself to speak again. "It's still your move."
"Yes…." Sai tentatively reached for the cask of stones, brushed it with his fingertips, then picked it up. "How…useful…."
"You can touch things?" Hikaru gripped the edge of the goban in surprise. "And move them?"
Sai spoke quietly: "Only in your dreams."
"Oh." Hikaru settled back on his knees and took a steadying breath. "It's just that…before…when I found you asleep, and I--" He stopped himself just in time. Crap. He didn't want to remind Sai of the kiss. "--I could touch things. Like now." He ran his fingers along the polished top of the goban, then stirred the stones in the cask. Every sense was as clear as when he was awake. "I can feel things."
Sai turned his face away. "Hikaru. It's not real."
"Yes, it is!" In a combination of elation and exasperation, Hikaru reached over the board and clutched Sai's hand in both of his. "I can feel you! I can touch you! Your hand is warm!"
"I'm dead. You need to remember that. Sometimes, I have to remind myself of that, too." Sai paused and seemed to search for words. "It's…just your imagination."
"The hell it is!" Sai's hand was more than warm; it was also rough. Curiously, Hikaru traced the contours of Sai's palm. "Why so calloused?"
"Sword training. I used to practice several hours a day."
"You see!" Hikaru said triumphantly. "I didn't know that. So I couldn't have imagined it!" He pressed Sai's hand against his cheek. "I'm so happy you're back. I've missed you so much!"
"Don't, Hikaru." Sai kept his face turned away; his voice was very soft and filled with distress. "Please…."
Flinching inwardly, Hikaru released Sai's hand. He wondered why the hell he was so touchy-feely all of a sudden. Sai was bound to think he was gay or something. Oh, wait. He was gay. And he had just confessed to Touya. "Does it bother you?" Hikaru asked slowly. "That I'm in love with a guy?"
Sai spoke after a long pause. "No."
"You sure about that? You seem…bothered…by the 'guy-guy' thing."
Sai finally looked at Hikaru and smiled weakly. "Why should something like that trouble me? During my life, I had many lovers--both men and women."
"Oh." Hikaru tried to find more to say. "Wow."
"'Wow'?" Sai echoed, then his smile turned warm and real. "No, Hikaru, I am not 'bothered' by your love for Touya-kun. I'm only sad that I've missed so much of your life. And now, you're a grown man, and I feel…just a little shy with you."
Hikaru steeled himself and took a deep breath. "Was it 'cause I kissed you?"
Sai's cheeks turned a marvelous shade of fuchsia, but he raised his brows and spoke in a haughty tone. "Kissed me? Hikaru, what are you talking about? I don't recall any such thing ever happening." He selected a stone from his cask and placed it on the board with a decisive click. "You must have been dreaming."
Hikaru drew a breath to argue, then realized that the move had killed his middle and was threatening his lower left. "Oh, crap!"
Sai's gaze turned fierce. "And, now, it is your move."
Since Sai seemed unwilling to discuss touching, kissing, and loving, Hikaru readily focused his thoughts on the board.
***
Sai won, of course. It was a game Hikaru had reluctantly begun five years ago, so it was as if he played with a heavy handicap. "I want another game. I'll show you how strong I am, now."
Sai peered at him over his opened fan, and a predatory light burned in his eyes. "Yes, Hikaru. Don't hold back."
***
On their second game, Sai annihilated him.
It was as if Sai had spent the last five years playing and growing in strength as well. Hikaru had played skillfully, and he was not ashamed of his game, but it had been a long time since he had been defeated by eighteen moku.
"Ohhh, Hikaru," Sai said in wonder, "you're a very strong player now!"
"Yeah. Right. Let's play again."
***
On their third game, Sai pulverized him.
"Hikaru," Sai said tentatively, "would you like to put down four or five stones?"
"No. I would not. Please hurry up and choose for color."
***
On their fourth game, Sai decimated him.
Hikaru groaned and slapped his hand over his forehead. "I can't believe this! I'm a five-dan, and you're walking all over me!"
"Maybe you're too tired to play now," Sai suggested. "Or your tummy hurts from the operation?"
"No. I'm fine. Let's play again." But Sai's words had sparked his curiosity, and he pulled up his shirt to look at his stomach. It was bandaged, just as it would be in real life. He touched the gauze gently and was rewarded with a twinge of not-quite-pain. "Hm. That's weird. It only hurts a little."
"That's because this is a dream, Hikaru."
"Yeah, but if this is a dream, I shouldn't feel anything."
Sai pressed his folded fan to his chin and spoke thoughtfully: "But you're still alive, right? I, myself, have no physical sensations at all-but then, I am dead."
"No, you're not!" Hikaru, surprised by his own vehemence, paused and cleared his throat. "I mean, you're still alive in some ways. You still think, you still have your memories and emotions, you still have your Go."
"Thank you," Sai said unsteadily. "Thank you, Hikaru…."
"And, just wait 'til I'm out of the hospital. I have my own computer at my place, so you can play all the Internet Go you want."
"Ehhh?" Sai brightened. "Really?"
"Really." Hikaru grinned. Sai was so adorable when he was happy. "I'll get Touya to help, and he's pretty smart, so we won't have the same problems we did last time."
Sai nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, yes! I'm sure Touya-kun will be a clever ally!" A new thought seemed to occur to him, and his expression clouded with worry. "Was it really a good idea to tell Touya-kun about me?"
"Sure. He didn't seem to have any problem believing me, and that's what freaked me out the most." Hikaru rubbed the back of his head and chuckled, wanting Sai to smile again. "And if he starts thinking it over and has doubts, all we need to do is have him play you. There's no way he can mistake my Go for yours--you're so much stronger than me. So don't worry about anything." He gave Sai a thumbs-up sign. "Okay?"
Beaming, Sai returned the gesture. "O-kaaaay!"
***
Akira dashed into the hospital lobby. He was breathless and stressed from a day in which nothing had gone quite according to plan. The Institute's administrators had been surly and uncooperative regarding his wish to assist Hikaru with rescheduling his matches. Then his game with Kurata had taken three times longer to play than expected, only to end in defeat. Then the post-game discussion dragged on for more than two hours. Then Weekly Go wanted an interview. And during all that time, Akira fretted about getting back to the hospital before visiting hours ended.
He loves me. Loves me!! Need to tell him how I feel.
Akira knew exactly what he wanted to say. It was a speech he'd recited in his heart every night, as he hopelessly dreamed of Hikaru accepting his love.
But the dream had come true, and now he would finally speak aloud the words that compared their quest for the Hand of God to their future life of love.
Akira darted onto an elevator and slammed his palm on the button for the second floor. The doors to the elevator glided closed, and it began a smooth ascent. "As we search together," he muttered, "for the ultimate goal--"
The elevator stopped. Akira launched himself through the doors before they were completely opened. As we search together…
Akira strode down the hallway and burst into Hikaru's hospital room.
Flowers and balloons covered nearly every available surface. Hikaru was sitting up in bed, studying a layout on his magnetic go board. He glanced up and grinned as Akira charged over the threshold. "Hey, Akira! Glad you made it! Everyone else took off about half an hour ago, so it's just you 'n' me."
It was the very first time Hikaru had called him by his given name, instead of 'Touya.'
Shocked, Akira felt his tongue paste itself to the roof of his mouth. But Hikaru was clearly so pleased to see him that he forced himself to reply: "Hello…Hikaru." He felt his face turn warm, from the familiarity of using a given name. "Sorry I'm late."
Hikaru flapped his hand. "No sweat, no sweat. We've got plenty of time to talk. Waya told me that your game with Kurata ran long. Half a moku, huh? That sucks."
"It was disappointing, yes." Feeling that it was awkward to continue standing, Akira settled himself into the nearest bedside chair, deposited his briefcase beside the chair, and loosened his tie just a little. "But I'll do better next time."
"You look tired. Wish I could offer you a drink."
"I'll be fine, now that I'm here with you." Akira hadn't really meant to say all that out loud. Even if it was exactly true, it sounded cheesy. He quickly added: "How are you feeling?"
"Great!" Hikaru actually looked 'great', too. "I want to go home. Usually, I guess, appendectomy patients get to check out after an overnight stay. But my doctor says they may need to keep me a little longer to run some tests. He's worried 'cause they almost lost me on the table. But maybe--just maybe--they'll set me free tomorrow afternoon."
Akira recalled how Hikaru had appeared that morning. Only his goofy grin and shock of bleached hair had identified him; his face had been an unhealthy shade of pale, and his features had been stamped with exhaustion and the after-effects of pain. "I'm glad the hospital's being careful," Akira said. "I don't want to lose you."
"Yeah, well, it still ticks me off that--" Hikaru stopped abruptly. His cheeks turned pink, and his eyes began to shine. "Eh? What did you say?"
"I said: 'I don't want to lose you.'"
"I heard what you said."
"But you--" Akira's gaze fell upon the layout of stones on Hikaru's magnetic go board, and he forgot what he'd planned to say. The playing style was unmistakable. "That game…."
"Yeah," Hikaru said glumly. "I don't need to tell you who's winning, do I? Sai's beating the socks off me."
Akira visually devoured the board. Hikaru seemed to be putting up a valiant fight, but Sai was clearly the stronger player. Then, belatedly, he realized the full import of the game. Akira gasped and yanked his attention to Hikaru. "He's here? In this room? Sai?"
"Yeah." Hikaru calmly jerked his thumb toward the empty space on the left side of the bed. "Standing right here."
Good breeding won out over surprise or disbelief. Akira started from his chair and made a deep and courteous bow. "An honor."
"Sai says the honor is all his." Hikaru paused, then gave a snort of laughter. "Okay, okay, I'll ask him. Sheesh!"
Nervously wondering how to politely request a game with Sai, Akira resumed his seat. "Ask me what?"
Grinning broadly, Hikaru started clearing the magnetic board. "Sai is hoping you're not too tired to play a game with him." He darted a mischievous glance at Akira. "He reeeeeally, reeeeeally, reeeeeally wants to play you! He's been asking all day about--" He broke off and laughingly threw an arm over his head, as if fending off blows. "Hey, watch it with the fan, already!"
Excitement bloomed in Akira's mind. "Of course I'm not too tired!" he said eagerly. "I'd consider it a privilege to play Master Sai."
"Cool. Pull your chair closer." Hikaru shifted the board to within Akira's reach. "Sai offers to play white; and, trust me on this, you'd better take him up on it."
Akira swallowed the urge to protest. "Very well."
Hikaru watched the empty air to his left for a few moments, then turned to Akira. "Onegai-shimasu."
His heart seemed to rise into his throat, but Akira echoed: "Onegai-shimasu."
***
After a prolonged and desperate battle, Akira had to bow in defeat. "I've lost."
Hikaru studied the board, his face rapt. "Wow, you guys. That was a seriously awesome game."
Akira felt the perspiration running in rivulets down his sides. He vividly recalled his internet game with Sai, and realized that he was still inadequate to the challenge. "I never had a chance. Master Sai overwhelmed me from the beginning." He pointed at the uppermost part of the board. "I tried connecting here, because it was the only defense I could manage."
"Mmm." Hikaru glanced to the left and nodded. "Yeah." He turned to Akira. "Sai says you've grown a lot stronger, and he enjoyed the game, and he hopes you'll play him again soon."
In spite of his personal apprehension, some part of Akira's soul began to sing in celebration. "I'd be glad to." He forced his voice to remain steady. "I've learned a great deal from this match. Thank you very much."
"He says that he should be the one thanking you." Hikaru grimaced comically. "I'm totally not a challenge for Sai. I always feel like a little french-fry dropped into a pot of boiling oil."
It was such an apt description, that Akira chuckled before he could stop himself. "Master Sai is an incredible player."
"Yeah." Eyes shining, Hikaru smiled at the air to his left. "I'm so happy now! The only thing that would make it perfect would be if you guys could see and talk to each other." He turned to Akira. "You're missing a treat. 'Cause Sai is as beautiful as his go."
Trying to phrase it politely, Akira murmured: "I'd be less than honest if I said I wasn't curious about Master Sai's appearance."
"Well," Hikaru said, "he used to teach go to a Heian emperor, so he's dressed like a courtier. White robes and stuff, with one of those tall hats. And his hair is super long; it goes all the way to the floor."
Remembering his history lessons, Akira tilted his head. "Ah, then Master Sai is still only a young boy, since he hasn't yet had his head shaved?"
"Uh…" Hikaru appeared to listen for a few moments, and a sad expression settled over his face. "Didn't work though, did it?"
"Excuse me?"
"Huh? Oh. Sai says his grandpa wouldn't let him cut his hair. He thought that if Sai still looked like a little kid, then maybe he wouldn't become a target for jealousy at court. You know, politics and stuff." Hikaru's sadness seemed to deepen, and he gestured wearily. "Bad shit happened to Sai. It majorly sucked, but I don't really want to go into details right now."
Though Akira was eaten alive by curiosity, he said: "Perhaps…another day."
"Yeah." Hikaru's face brightened again. "But getting back to Sai--he looks about eighteen, and--" He paused. "Eh? Oh, almost nineteen. And he's got all this long, silky hair. And his face is really, really pretty. His eyelashes are like--whoa!--and his lips are the color of orchids, and his--" He broke off with a yelp of laughter and seemed to try dodging a ghostly fan again. "Hey, I'm only telling the truth! You don't have to--" Hikaru wilted a little. "Oh, crap! He left."
"What?" Akira bolted to his feet. "He left?"
"Not for good," Hikaru said hastily. "I can still feel him inside my consciousness. But he sometimes just sorta 'goes to his room.' Usually when he wants to give me privacy--like when I take a leak or whatever."
Akira sighed with exasperation. "Well, you were embarrassing him! All that talk about his eyes, and how beautiful he is, and--"
Hikaru's eyes sparkled. "Are you jealous?"
"That's not the point! What I'm saying is--"
"You're beautiful, too, you know. And I love you. A lot." A wash of pink spread across Hikaru's cheeks. "I…uh…sorta saved myself for you."
Several things happened to Akira all at once. He felt as if the temperature in the room shot up about thirty degrees. At the same time, he had the sensation that someone was trying to smash a brick through his chest. And over it all, his brain replayed his favorite nighttime fantasy: 'One Thousand and One Things to Do to an Innocent, Virginal, and Willing Shindou Hikaru.' Akira tried to speak, to say one of the lines from the declaration of love he had ready. But the noise that came out sounded a bit like: "Glirk."
"So? Do you love me or not?" Hikaru's blush spread up past his eyebrows, but he was smiling. "Time to 'fess up."
Akira couldn't help but return the smile. And, just as abruptly as it came, the heat and panic vanished. He felt no nervousness or sense of hesitation, only an absolute happiness. "Of course, I love you." Abandoning his well-rehearsed speech, he leaned forward and took Hikaru's hand. "I believe I have always loved you."
"Cool." Hikaru's voice turned husky and warm. "Then I guess you'd better kiss me, huh?"
Akira felt a slight touch of scandalized shock. Not because he didn't want to kiss Hikaru, but because they were in a relatively public place. A nurse, or a visitor from the Institute, could walk in at any moment.
He began searching for the words to explain why it might be better to wait, when Hikaru abruptly tightened his grip on Akira's hand and yanked him halfway onto the bed. Akira didn't even have time to draw a startled breath to protest.
Hikaru's lips found his.
Akira lost himself in the softness and sweetness of Hikaru's mouth. His world changed completely, and all those stupid love songs on the radio finally made sense. Akira slid his free hand into Hikaru's hair. It felt like heavy satin, stubbornly thick, with a tactile shine.
Hikaru moaned, and then slowly drew back from the kiss. "Okay," he said, panting. "I'm getting a little too turned on."
Akira also felt the tightening in his groin. He wanted, more than anything, to be alone with Hikaru, naked, in a big bed, with hours of time for tender passion. But that would have to wait. He cupped Hikaru's cheek and gave him a quick, chaste kiss; then reluctantly released him. "I understand." He slowly straightened. "But I want you. I hope you realize that."
His eyes bright with obvious desire, Hikaru nodded, still breathing hard. "And I want you, too. I want--I want--" He gestured helplessly. "I wanna kiss every square millimeter of your body, and drink sake out of your bellybutton, and--and--"
Akira burst into startled laughter. "You want to do what?"
"I'm serious," Hikaru continued breathlessly. "I'll do anything you want. Anything."
"Really?" Akira felt his body turn hot again. "Are you sure? Because the list is pretty long."
"I don't care! I'm tired of waiting for--"
There was a soft knock on the door, and then a nurse entered. She bowed, looking a bit uneasy. "Excuse me, but visiting hours are over for today."
Startled, Akira glanced at his watch and saw that he had over-stayed twenty minutes past the time limit. The game with Sai must have taken longer than he'd realized. "Thank you," he said to the nurse, and also bowed. "I'm sorry, I'm just leaving."
Hikaru made a noise like a disappointed little kid. "Aww, do you gotta go? You just got here!"
Akira smiled inwardly, knowing that under the exaggerated petulance, Hikaru was truly unhappy to see him leave. "I'll come back tomorrow," he promised, gathering up his briefcase. "I don't have anything on my schedule, so I'll be at your disposal all day."
Hikaru folded his arms and looked cross. "You damn-well better be!"
Akira walked toward the door. "Get some sleep."
"Yes, mother."
Succumbing to the urge for gentle revenge, Akira paused on the threshold and tossed a sultry look over his shoulder. "I'll stop on the way home and buy a bottle of good sake." He placed his hand over his navel and added: "For later…."
Halfway down the hallway, Akira could still hear Hikaru make choking sounds of stifled laughter.