(no subject)
I went to the movies tonigt with Kate, Jen, and a new person--Christin. The Princess Diaries 2. It was quite enjoyable. Added onto that was the fact that I was the only male in the theatre. good stuff.
Driving back, my CD player started on Sigur Ros, which is odd because it was definitely not on it when I got out, and the music influenced me to drive home really slowly and enjoy the ride. I started kind of reflecting on my life now, and how it's going to be now that I'm going to college, how I'm going to have to make new friends, and accept the fact that I simply won't be able to see my old friends as often. I have to accept that anything I start now here will have slim chance of survival, since I'll be gone in a few short weeks and, most probably, so will they. And I realized that I'm going to school in a conservative area. I don't know if I can take that for a year... I want to go to college and be able to let loose. I can't live under a shroud for another fucking year! I just barely got out from under it in this area this past year.
I started thinking of how I sum myself up now, how it's changed recently. I used to be very "me" oriented. I would always put myself first, but now, I've been trying so hard to make others happy. I've found that I can have no greater joy than evidence I've been able to brighten someone's day, or trigger a happy change in their life. It's almost like I feed of other's satisfaction. They don't even have to be happy with me, and often they don't even know it's me that made them happy, but when it happens... i feel i'm lifted in a cloud of giddiness. I can't describe the rapture. i can't help but smile at everything, and nothing can bring me down. I think that's why I'm made for art. Excepting the few greats of history, virtually all artists are unknown faces and names, but they can bring joy to so many. I would love nothing better than to sit in a gallery showing my work and to hopefully watch people's outlook on the day, the week, or even their lives, and for them to never even know it was me.
I wish to be the enigma that leaves a rose on Poe's grave, the men crafting crop circles in wheat fields. I want to change the world, one shadow at a time.
Driving back, my CD player started on Sigur Ros, which is odd because it was definitely not on it when I got out, and the music influenced me to drive home really slowly and enjoy the ride. I started kind of reflecting on my life now, and how it's going to be now that I'm going to college, how I'm going to have to make new friends, and accept the fact that I simply won't be able to see my old friends as often. I have to accept that anything I start now here will have slim chance of survival, since I'll be gone in a few short weeks and, most probably, so will they. And I realized that I'm going to school in a conservative area. I don't know if I can take that for a year... I want to go to college and be able to let loose. I can't live under a shroud for another fucking year! I just barely got out from under it in this area this past year.
I started thinking of how I sum myself up now, how it's changed recently. I used to be very "me" oriented. I would always put myself first, but now, I've been trying so hard to make others happy. I've found that I can have no greater joy than evidence I've been able to brighten someone's day, or trigger a happy change in their life. It's almost like I feed of other's satisfaction. They don't even have to be happy with me, and often they don't even know it's me that made them happy, but when it happens... i feel i'm lifted in a cloud of giddiness. I can't describe the rapture. i can't help but smile at everything, and nothing can bring me down. I think that's why I'm made for art. Excepting the few greats of history, virtually all artists are unknown faces and names, but they can bring joy to so many. I would love nothing better than to sit in a gallery showing my work and to hopefully watch people's outlook on the day, the week, or even their lives, and for them to never even know it was me.
I wish to be the enigma that leaves a rose on Poe's grave, the men crafting crop circles in wheat fields. I want to change the world, one shadow at a time.