This is my truth, I just can't tell it yet (without crying or raging)
Why do autistic people think differently not only from the norm, but from each other?
Who in the faff decided they in particular had to fit in? If God designed people to fit in and to want to, that's a blessing. It is a sufficient but not necessary condition, as I understand it!
Why did my stepfather turn on me and call my work bullshit and then dress it up and do a disservice?
Why did I run out on my Maman, cry in the toilet, sit on the couch, promise to rake the leaves?
Why do most people assume that tradespeople are stupid, including my own middle-class, educated, seemingly enlightened, miraculously privileged parents?
When will I try to live with someone who shares my values? Who is a man but not the man I love?
I want to be in Tante Vero's house where Ben will protect me in the fullest sense of the word.
I want Moriah not to suffer. She doesn't borrow trouble. Just because the rest of the family is faffed and screwed?
Why am I at a trade school and not at Bible College or in a convent?
God, are you really sure about my mission here?
If you tell me stay, I'll stay. If you tell me go, I'll go. But I'll do it on your timeframe. I'm sure you never meant Genesis to Revelations to be crammed in an academic year or even into the solar/lunar year. That's why Easter is a moveable feast and Christmas isn't. Death moves people and birth is the start of stability. In a way death is really a dynamism because it motivates so much in those left behind?
Is the media an appropriate vehicle? Would I be better to write poetry?
Why, when I try to think abstractly, do people like my concrete stuff?
Why does my pretty prose never mean anything?
Why, when Joyce or Shakespeare does anything, people just shrug it off as them or their style, but Emily Bronte - in fact all the Bronte sisters are implicated in the patriarchy. I hate them being complicit in it. It's like me being complicit - how can I best avoid this sort of chappery?
What is the line between fooling myself and protecting myself?
The line between allowing oneself to be deluded and choosing to be so?
Why is it the only metarepresentations I can feel are emotional ones rather than the intellectual?
Is this meaning a permanent decline?
Should I have taken a proper rest and not lain truant?
Why do I suddenly overflow with empathy for school refusers?
When will I sort the complex legacy of education and academia?
When will I truly be a professional writer and when will I learn to act as such?
(Hint: It won't be today or tomorrow or even the end of this semester, or this year).
Will April 6 2007 finally be the day I break the duck? What about earlier, like January 14?
Will February 21 2007 and November 16 finally be the time I get it together - the first academic year? This is, like, my real year twelve. Maybe I might read my IB next year as a mature student! Or even just re-take my sixth form options and be the sixth-former I could not be chronologically and developmentally.
When will people understand my metaphors?
To what extent are teenagers open to new thinking?
Why must I continue to live with baby boomers?
Isn't it time I went to a convent or Bible school? Again, you tell me, God.
When will I uncrack the code/mystery behind people, events and circumstances?
Why, in that regard, am I so close and so far?
Is it ever okay to live in my own world and depreference people?
Haven't obsessives and compulsives have the right to be heard?
Why have I not written a good short piece since, like, 1995?
Well, 1999 or 2000 then?
That isn't poetry?
Why did you take away my power to write coherent prose?
On second thoughts, why don't parents and examiners have a clearer idea of potential?
What is the difference between legalism and the other thing?
How is it relevant to tolerance and my mission in that regard?
Is it true that nothing is ever irrelevant?
Is everything a lesson?
Do I have to make everything a philosophical treatise or a psychologically charged defence?
If I don't what is the alternative?
When will I move on and have it made?
Will I be shaken or broken again?
Can I love again?
What is the nature of truth?
Why do radishes ask such questions?
Do you think I could take on radishes full time?
Do you all wish that my intellectuallism didn't come back; or do you find it stimulating?
Wither The Box and for that matter The Spectrum?
Can I truly write an article to please all audiences?
Will the generations article and/or the Eurovision one be a struggle to keep things light when I don't feel it?
Why am I feeling deja vu from 1996?
Can I ever have a child's trust in memory and imagination?
When will you give it to me?
Do you like questions or statements best?
Is it true a sincere prayer is a joy to behold as it contains Your grace?
Should I be open about what I plan to do in fifteen months? Would it be worth it?
I'll have been carrying this baby for so long and it will be like a weight.
I hope a paperweight.
May I have some mercy and compassion? Can you give extra to my family, or are we in abundance? Then could you give it to the poor and spiritually repressed, opressed and diseased please?
Is there REALLY such a thing as original sin?
Will not believing it be contradicting Biblical inerrancy?
Why do I love the Manic Street Preachers all of a sudden?
Will I go like Richie?
Why is suicide wrong and euthanasia acknowledged to be a merciful release, at least in first world countries like Holland?
What should be the extent of state control of life? To what extent should the state encourage people to make their own choices?
To what extent is this a democratic and free society?
Is the pursuit of happiness really everybody's birthright, or is that just for Americans?
Shouldn't world citizens carry the flame/torch of happiness?
What are the most commonly understood metaphors?
Are they in fact cliches or stereotypes. I know they are not of you.
But would the language and literature gods smile?
Does God know how to delegate? He must ...
Why, why, why does LiveJournal NOT give me credit for thinking of the future?
Will an update of this software allow me to dream?
Why are the new management of the LJ team such dicks?
Who in the faff decided they in particular had to fit in? If God designed people to fit in and to want to, that's a blessing. It is a sufficient but not necessary condition, as I understand it!
Why did my stepfather turn on me and call my work bullshit and then dress it up and do a disservice?
Why did I run out on my Maman, cry in the toilet, sit on the couch, promise to rake the leaves?
Why do most people assume that tradespeople are stupid, including my own middle-class, educated, seemingly enlightened, miraculously privileged parents?
When will I try to live with someone who shares my values? Who is a man but not the man I love?
I want to be in Tante Vero's house where Ben will protect me in the fullest sense of the word.
I want Moriah not to suffer. She doesn't borrow trouble. Just because the rest of the family is faffed and screwed?
Why am I at a trade school and not at Bible College or in a convent?
God, are you really sure about my mission here?
If you tell me stay, I'll stay. If you tell me go, I'll go. But I'll do it on your timeframe. I'm sure you never meant Genesis to Revelations to be crammed in an academic year or even into the solar/lunar year. That's why Easter is a moveable feast and Christmas isn't. Death moves people and birth is the start of stability. In a way death is really a dynamism because it motivates so much in those left behind?
Is the media an appropriate vehicle? Would I be better to write poetry?
Why, when I try to think abstractly, do people like my concrete stuff?
Why does my pretty prose never mean anything?
Why, when Joyce or Shakespeare does anything, people just shrug it off as them or their style, but Emily Bronte - in fact all the Bronte sisters are implicated in the patriarchy. I hate them being complicit in it. It's like me being complicit - how can I best avoid this sort of chappery?
What is the line between fooling myself and protecting myself?
The line between allowing oneself to be deluded and choosing to be so?
Why is it the only metarepresentations I can feel are emotional ones rather than the intellectual?
Is this meaning a permanent decline?
Should I have taken a proper rest and not lain truant?
Why do I suddenly overflow with empathy for school refusers?
When will I sort the complex legacy of education and academia?
When will I truly be a professional writer and when will I learn to act as such?
(Hint: It won't be today or tomorrow or even the end of this semester, or this year).
Will April 6 2007 finally be the day I break the duck? What about earlier, like January 14?
Will February 21 2007 and November 16 finally be the time I get it together - the first academic year? This is, like, my real year twelve. Maybe I might read my IB next year as a mature student! Or even just re-take my sixth form options and be the sixth-former I could not be chronologically and developmentally.
When will people understand my metaphors?
To what extent are teenagers open to new thinking?
Why must I continue to live with baby boomers?
Isn't it time I went to a convent or Bible school? Again, you tell me, God.
When will I uncrack the code/mystery behind people, events and circumstances?
Why, in that regard, am I so close and so far?
Is it ever okay to live in my own world and depreference people?
Haven't obsessives and compulsives have the right to be heard?
Why have I not written a good short piece since, like, 1995?
Well, 1999 or 2000 then?
That isn't poetry?
Why did you take away my power to write coherent prose?
On second thoughts, why don't parents and examiners have a clearer idea of potential?
What is the difference between legalism and the other thing?
How is it relevant to tolerance and my mission in that regard?
Is it true that nothing is ever irrelevant?
Is everything a lesson?
Do I have to make everything a philosophical treatise or a psychologically charged defence?
If I don't what is the alternative?
When will I move on and have it made?
Will I be shaken or broken again?
Can I love again?
What is the nature of truth?
Why do radishes ask such questions?
Do you think I could take on radishes full time?
Do you all wish that my intellectuallism didn't come back; or do you find it stimulating?
Wither The Box and for that matter The Spectrum?
Can I truly write an article to please all audiences?
Will the generations article and/or the Eurovision one be a struggle to keep things light when I don't feel it?
Why am I feeling deja vu from 1996?
Can I ever have a child's trust in memory and imagination?
When will you give it to me?
Do you like questions or statements best?
Is it true a sincere prayer is a joy to behold as it contains Your grace?
Should I be open about what I plan to do in fifteen months? Would it be worth it?
I'll have been carrying this baby for so long and it will be like a weight.
I hope a paperweight.
May I have some mercy and compassion? Can you give extra to my family, or are we in abundance? Then could you give it to the poor and spiritually repressed, opressed and diseased please?
Is there REALLY such a thing as original sin?
Will not believing it be contradicting Biblical inerrancy?
Why do I love the Manic Street Preachers all of a sudden?
Will I go like Richie?
Why is suicide wrong and euthanasia acknowledged to be a merciful release, at least in first world countries like Holland?
What should be the extent of state control of life? To what extent should the state encourage people to make their own choices?
To what extent is this a democratic and free society?
Is the pursuit of happiness really everybody's birthright, or is that just for Americans?
Shouldn't world citizens carry the flame/torch of happiness?
What are the most commonly understood metaphors?
Are they in fact cliches or stereotypes. I know they are not of you.
But would the language and literature gods smile?
Does God know how to delegate? He must ...
Why, why, why does LiveJournal NOT give me credit for thinking of the future?
Will an update of this software allow me to dream?
Why are the new management of the LJ team such dicks?