New Year Resolutions
I've always thought the idea of a new year's resolution was kind of silly. If you want to do something, freaking do it...you shouldn't have to wait until a new year or feel like you need to change just because it is a new year. But I guess there is a sense of opportunity with the changing of a year. Not to wish the years away, but the opposition of past versus present is made even more obvious with the new year. So I guess there is the natural idea of, well, that one's behind me. I didn't do everything the way I wanted to, but I guess now can be a time of starting over. It doesn't have to be that way. But I think as much as any of us try to live day by day there still is something to the past versus future idea that comes with this change.
So as much as I hate to admit that I'm not improving myself daily, I'm going to also come to terms with the fact that I have some new year's resolutions of my own. I seem to always fall to the same thing this time of year too. The specifics may change but it basically comes down to me wanting to be the best of me that I possibly can be. Do the things I want to do. Create the healthiest and most loving and peaceful environment for myself that I possibly can. This time the specifics of that involve making a move to get off my ass and be active again. I have entirely strayed from any type of working out over the past two years. Initally this stemmed from the eating disorder and quitting the ballet. At that point, I still was unable to have a healthy relationship with exercise - everything was taken to the extreme, meant for losing weight only - and I felt that I deserved a bit of a break as well. Unfortunately, though, I have had yet to get back into any form of movement. As a result, I've become a person I don't want to be. I work. I come home. I sit on my ass and watch tv (even though I despise it). I fool around on my computer. I eat shitty meals. I drink (normal amounts, no worries, but with nothing to offset it). I smoke (not heavy, but I might as well add to the list of unhealthies even if it just means a few here and there). And I just feel like shit.
I always envisioned myself as an active adult. Hiking, biking, mountain climbing, skiing - an outdoorsy mountain mama if you will. On top of that I wanted to be writing. Waking up early to drink coffee and take my dog for a walk. Keeping my home clean and my body healthy with good habits and meals and meaningful moments. I'm only 23. I've only wasted about a year or so. But I'm done with it this year.
I think the important thing about resolutions is to mean them. Two or three years ago I made a nearly eight page notebook joural entry with my new year's resolutions. The were heartfelt. I'd hit rock bottom with everything. I seriously lost my mind, and I was ready to become the person, emotionally and mentally, who I wanted to be. That was the first step. Two or three years later, my mind is in a better place, and I'm ready for the next step.
What are your new year's resolutions? Or your take on them? Are you really going to hit the gym? Or are you just saying that because you feel like you have to? Whatever it is, I wish each of you your own version of peace, love, and happiness in the coming year. And I hope each of you finds the courage to go for whatever it is that that means to you.