The 10 Worst V-Day Gifts…Or So They Say (Part One)
While going to check my email on Yahoo I saw a rather interesting article, The 10 worst V-Day gifts... written by Laura Gilbert. I rarely read the articles on Yahoo but this one caught my eye. I knew right away that I probably wouldn’t agree with it but my curiosity got the better of me. As it turns out the article surprised me in two ways; the first being that I actually agree with a few of the points on the list, the second being that the list overall pissed me off.
Not only do I disagree with this list but I disagree vehemently. It goes from being, ironically enough, cliché and predictable to downright insulting. The article left me so upset that I have decided to pick apart the article in the style of Cosmockings, a blog series written by Holly Pervocracy, whose blog can be found here. If you are opened mind and don’t mind reading someone talk about sex, feminism, or BDSM I highly suggest you read her blog.
Now let us get on with the picking apart of the article. The list proper is set up so that it tells you the cliché or bad gift, explains what is wrong with it, and then gives a solution. I will try not to copy everything if only for the sake of brevity, but how much or little I copy will depend on what all I want to address.
We know what you’re thinking: Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It’s forced. It’s too much pressure. But if you’re dating this month, you’ll probably wind up roaming the aisles for a gift to give your date on February 14th. And, “like it or not, Valentine’s Day becomes a test in which you have to show you’ve been paying attention to the other person’s taste,” says Christine Silvestri, founder of Urban Shopping Adventures, which gives tours of LA’s shopping districts.
First paragraph and already I have an issue. Mostly with the idea that Valentine’s Day is a test for couples. It’s only a test if you or the person you’re dating makes it a test and if that’s the case, odds are Valentine’s Day is not the only day of testing. Also, if you’ve only been dating for a short while then making V-Day a test is bound to end in disappointment.
1. Ye olde bouquet of red roses and baby’s breath
What’s wrong with it: Yes, you went out and got something nice and romantic. Unfortunately, certain types of flowers are the equivalent of a shrug because they are so predictable and clichéd... and the rose bouquet falls into this category quite neatly. […]Indeed, Frank Leusner, manager of Delphinium Home, a popular gift shop in New York City, says this of the classic red and white bouquet: “There’s absolutely no thought behind it. It’s a copout because it’s just so expected.”
Remember how I said the list was at times itself cliché? How many of you guessed it would start off talking about red roses? I know I did. Now this isn’t an example that I can say personally is bullshit. While I would be happy to get a traditional bouquet I would be just as happy with nearly anything else. I just like flowers. My mother is a completely different story. She has a preferred bouquet and it just happens to be a dozen red roses with a white rose in the center. So at least in her case red and white isn’t a copout, it is how my dad shows that he knows what she likes. The solution given for this is one I can’t really complain about. It’s to branch out and try something other than traditional red roses and to maybe seek advice from someone who knows something about flowers.
2. A box of assorted chocolates
What’s wrong with it: […] Let’s face it - not all chocolates are created equal. And while a variety pack of sweets shows that you’re trying to cover the bases, the dark (or milk or white) secret is that some of these morsels will be, well, icky. Do the math: Out of every box of 15 assorted chocolates, a woman will probably have three or so favorites. And there’s all that crazy, frou-frou wrapping as part of the picture - enough satin and ribbon to fashion a child’s “princess bride” Halloween costume. So what would you rather get? Three chocolates you want and 21 you don’t - along with a lot of excess red metallic cardboard? Or a small box of something you actually like?
A simple solution: This is where a hefty dose of your sweetie’s favorite sweet can come in handy. “Get creative with your packaging or give it as a gift within a gift - who wouldn’t like that?!” says Silvestri. “If you’re dating a Reese’s peanut butter cup gal, she’d rather have a bag of those in a nice hand-painted bowl or wrapped in a soft scarf than a lifetime supply of random chocolates in a heart-shaped box.”
This one I somewhat agree with. As a picky eater I can attest to the fact that a box of assorted chocolates can end with less than half the box eaten. There’s also food allergies to consider which I’m surprised doesn’t get mentioned in the article. I also agree with the first part of the solution; find out what candy the person likes and just buy that.
What I don’t agree with is the parts about the wrapping. I really like some of the box designs that come out for Valentine’s Day. I’ve actually wanted to buy chocolates just because I wanted the box they came in. And while I can’t say I would be bothered by someone using a hand painted bowl as a means to hold the candy, I’m not so sure how I feel about someone using a scarf to wrap food of any kind. It’s an article of clothing, not tissue paper. But that’s just me really.
3. Jewelry in a ring-sized box
What’s wrong with it: In truth, most women love something glittery. But the biggest jewelry mistake a man can make is anything in a ring-size box - be it earrings, a pendant, or a 1 oz. tube of saffron - that’s not, in fact, an engagement ring. Women know there are five key probable proposal days (namely, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s, and her birthday), so giving her false hope on one of them is cruel. “When a girl sees that box, she’s either going to freak out because she’s not ready or hope that it is the ring and then be disappointed, so it’s lose-lose,” says Cason.
A simple solution: Even if you do get her, say, pink sapphire earrings - which we’re sure she’ll love - wrap them in a shirt box just so she doesn’t get the wrong idea.
This is the only thing on this list I can’t disagree with. It is easy to imagine the situations they bring up happening. I even agree that the solution is to put the gift in a different shaped box to prevent those situations from happening. The suggestion of using a shirt box made me scratch my head though. That’s something my parents would do on Christmas or my birthday to mess with me. Of course if the person you bought the gift for has a great sense of humor it could work out really well.
4. Something girlie and decorative like a sachet, a candle holder, a silver wishing stone…
What’s wrong with it: We’re talking about things like rhinestone-studded soap dishes, elaborate aromatherapy dispensing devices, and other stuff people would never buy for themselves. “Anything red and pink and cutesy often winds up being kind of cheap and useless when you look at it on February 15th - the luster is gone,” says Borkowsky. “And any solid red trinket risks saying, ‘I love you - just enough to get you Christmas stuff at 75 percent off.’” Recalls Adrienne, 35, of Cincinnati, “My boyfriend tends to get me things like little heart-shaped pink velvet pincushions or a wreath of red satin hearts for Valentine’s Day, because he thinks that’s in keeping with the theme of the day. I wish I could tell him to stop wasting his money this way. I never use that stuff!” So before plunking down your dough, ask yourself, “Do I see this gift bringing my date pleasure and enjoyment... or do I see it winding up in his or her guest room?” The answer ought to make your purchase decision very clear.
A simple solution: “Bath products are a great choice,” says Leusner. “You can find scents and formulas that suit your boyfriend or girlfriend’s personality, and most people really enjoy using them.”
This is where I start to feel just a bit insulted. I love useless knick knacks so as far as I’m concerned, buying some for me is a good idea. The part about solid red trinkets implying that you bought a Christmas item out of season bugs me as well. Red is the main color of Valentine’s Day so why would someone assume that a random red item is from Christmas, unless they knew for a fact that it was? I also take issue with ‘I love you - just enough to get you Christmas stuff at 75 percent off.’ So what if it was on sale? Valentine’s gifts are to show someone you care and it shouldn’t matter how much the gift costs. I love how the last things said for the What’s Wrong With It section is to ask yourself if the gift will make the person you’re getting it for happy. That is what you should do, but I know that what goes unsaid is “and if you’re holding anything like what we just talked about, the answer is no”.
One more thing, bath products are what I default to as a gift if the person I’m buying it for is someone I do not know at all. This is because bath products can be very impersonal gifts that are not very likely to fail, especially if bought for someone who isn’t against fancy bath products. After everything we’ve read so far doesn’t this solution seem a tad hypocritical?
5. A cute stuffed animal bearing a message of love
What’s wrong with it: We’ve never heard anyone admit to expressing themselves best through plush koalas, yet that medium remains popular for many a romantic utterance. “It’s so cheesy,” says Leusner. “When you buy that gift, it could be for anyone - even a child. What’s an adult going to do with a stuffed animal?” We’ll tell you what: stuffed animals get tucked somewhere out-of-the-way. And when the romance dies, the Stuffed Bear of Love serves no practical purpose, so the recipient feels pathetic keeping it around as a reminder of her ex (that’s you) and donates it to a children’s charity.
A simple solution: Cut to the chase and make a donation in your honey’s name to a charity you think he or she respects. Now that’s a thoughtful gift.
Now I really do feel insulted. I’m 22 and last Christmas I went to Disneyland with my parents. In one of the store I found a small Zero plushie. Since Nightmare Before Christmas is my favorite movie my parents bought it for me as a gift. I was so happy I actually cuddled it to my chest right away and bounced with pure, childlike glee. I feel a small amount of that glee every time I look at the plushie, not just because I love it, but because it was a gift from someone I love.
As for the part about women donating the stuffed animals gifted by now exes, I would love to meet a woman who has actually done that. Most of the ones I know just throw things like that out as a tiny act of revenge and closure. I would also like to argue that donating money in someone’s name does not strike me as a very thoughtful gift unless the person you do it for is really into supporting charity. Not that it matters because that wasn’t suggested because it’s actually considered a thoughtful gift, it was suggested to drill in the point about the fate of Stuffed Bears of Love.
I am going to break this up into two parts because I only get more pissed off from here on. That generally means I get even more verbose and this is already getting pretty long. So if you’re interested check out part two which will feature such things as appliances, long underwear, and more bath products.