And when we come we always come too late; I often think that I was born to write (and read, natch)
Hyne save me. I have another plot bunny chowing down on my brain, right as I'm trying to write the seventh SeiferxZell fic in the series I've been plugging away at for a little over a month now. This one, I blame entirely on my recent fandom activities as well as on the new Vienna Teng album. More specifically, on Star Wars and the song Antebellum. Fellow Star Wars fans, what do you think of when you read these lyrics: "I know the borderlines we drew between us / Keep the weapons down, / Keep the wounded safe; / I know our antebellum innocence / Was never meant to see the light of our armistice day"?
I think of Obi-Wan and Anakin. I have the perfect story for it. And I'm terrified. One hurdle I've never managed to jump in several of my more lasting fandoms has been writing my own fanfiction. I suppose I'm afraid of failure. I don't want to write a fic for Star Wars or Gundam Wing only to destroy everything I love. I don't want to have a black thumb instead of a green one. I've always felt like a foolish initiate whenever I start writing a fic for Gundam Wing, Star Wars, Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings. Sadly, those are fandoms I've had for ages - almost my entire life, in one case - and you'd think my intimate familiarity with them would lend itself well to writing fanfiction. You'd think it, but I feel idiotic whenever I try to write a fic. Maybe it's that I'm trying. Trying too hard, that is. Maybe it's that I'm not as good a writer as I thought I was. Maybe it's something else. I have no effing idea. That's why I'm afraid to write the fic I want to write so badly! That, and I don't want to toss Seifer and Zell by the wayside when I've had their story in my head longer and when I owe it to them to finish this ten-parter about them. I owe it to myself, too. It's been so long since I wrote anything longer than about five pages.
I need to talk to Zelly about this. Zelly always knows what to do.
She'll probably tell me to write both fics, but to give priority to SeiferxZell because it's the story I started first. That's my assumption, which may indeed make an ass out of you and me, but I like to think I know Zelly well. I like to think I can gauge her reactions before I've even given her a reason to react. Tomorrow, while we're working on our room, we can talk about fic and how to go about this.
And now, because I want to share its brilliance with you, a download of Antebellum: find it here. It's a brilliant song, replacing my former favorite Vienna Teng song, which was Eric's Song. Well, I suppose it's not really a replacement; they're working as a team in my brain right now. And I can't discard Eric's Song when it's come to mean so much to me, mainly as a way to describe my friendship with my beloved Padawan. ♥ I'm talking about my bestest friend, of course. Who did you think I was talking about? My cat? He'd make a horrible apprentice. Not only is he too old to begin the training, he's too downright stupid. Zelly, on the other hand, may be gay, but at least she has some modicum of cleverness floating around in her otherwise empty brain. And when you shake her head around, you can hear a little chunk of gray matter rattling in there.
I wanted to write a longer entry, I really did, but I'm exhausted. I worked eight hours today; that's my excuse. When I got home, I couldn't really relax until I was watching my brother play Star Wars Racer, which I bought off eBay for one cent (plus shipping, but you can't deny it was a good deal). Then, with Zelly in bed and Todd tired, I had no one to talk to; I still don't, except rambling at my LJ like this. So you see, I've gotta get offline before I keep myself awake into oblivion. I already feel my coherence slipping.
"Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self."
I think of Obi-Wan and Anakin. I have the perfect story for it. And I'm terrified. One hurdle I've never managed to jump in several of my more lasting fandoms has been writing my own fanfiction. I suppose I'm afraid of failure. I don't want to write a fic for Star Wars or Gundam Wing only to destroy everything I love. I don't want to have a black thumb instead of a green one. I've always felt like a foolish initiate whenever I start writing a fic for Gundam Wing, Star Wars, Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings. Sadly, those are fandoms I've had for ages - almost my entire life, in one case - and you'd think my intimate familiarity with them would lend itself well to writing fanfiction. You'd think it, but I feel idiotic whenever I try to write a fic. Maybe it's that I'm trying. Trying too hard, that is. Maybe it's that I'm not as good a writer as I thought I was. Maybe it's something else. I have no effing idea. That's why I'm afraid to write the fic I want to write so badly! That, and I don't want to toss Seifer and Zell by the wayside when I've had their story in my head longer and when I owe it to them to finish this ten-parter about them. I owe it to myself, too. It's been so long since I wrote anything longer than about five pages.
I need to talk to Zelly about this. Zelly always knows what to do.
She'll probably tell me to write both fics, but to give priority to SeiferxZell because it's the story I started first. That's my assumption, which may indeed make an ass out of you and me, but I like to think I know Zelly well. I like to think I can gauge her reactions before I've even given her a reason to react. Tomorrow, while we're working on our room, we can talk about fic and how to go about this.
And now, because I want to share its brilliance with you, a download of Antebellum: find it here. It's a brilliant song, replacing my former favorite Vienna Teng song, which was Eric's Song. Well, I suppose it's not really a replacement; they're working as a team in my brain right now. And I can't discard Eric's Song when it's come to mean so much to me, mainly as a way to describe my friendship with my beloved Padawan. ♥ I'm talking about my bestest friend, of course. Who did you think I was talking about? My cat? He'd make a horrible apprentice. Not only is he too old to begin the training, he's too downright stupid. Zelly, on the other hand, may be gay, but at least she has some modicum of cleverness floating around in her otherwise empty brain. And when you shake her head around, you can hear a little chunk of gray matter rattling in there.
I wanted to write a longer entry, I really did, but I'm exhausted. I worked eight hours today; that's my excuse. When I got home, I couldn't really relax until I was watching my brother play Star Wars Racer, which I bought off eBay for one cent (plus shipping, but you can't deny it was a good deal). Then, with Zelly in bed and Todd tired, I had no one to talk to; I still don't, except rambling at my LJ like this. So you see, I've gotta get offline before I keep myself awake into oblivion. I already feel my coherence slipping.
"Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self."