Anime Oasis Evo: I feel like a promise was broken, somehow...can I bring back the happiness I lost?
Anime Oasis is over for another year. I haven't read anybody else's opinions on it for this year because I don't want my own thoughts to be touched more by that than they already have been. Besides, I know that my own opinion is that after my sixth year at the con, and therefore lots of experience with this particular crowd and with the events and staff, Anime Oasis Evo kinda sucked. Not just kinda, even. I mean, I came home disappointed. Through no fault of my cosplay group's, either, because that might be the first assumption one would make, is that the change from attending the con on my own or with one or two friends to attending with a group would affect the way I experienced the con. It's true - this year's AO wasn't the same. For one thing, I performed onstage for the first time this year. For another, the atmosphere of the con seemed sapped somehow. It seemed blanched and dull, like all the events were not only off schedule, but like the timing of every joke was off.
I had fun. But I've had much more fun at previous conventions. And although I have few regrets, the one thing I regret most is that I didn't enjoy the con the way I usually do, and that's not something I could have actively changed. I tried going to events, shopping the dealer's room, getting involved in talking to other cosplayers and congoers, but it still seemed washed out and washed up to me. Mandy chalked it up to Ellipsis as a whole being ready to experience another con, try it out and see what it's like to go to a bigger convention in another city, and I do want to go to Kumoricon or Sakuracon. But I think there was more to it than just our own attitudes toward Anime Oasis. If that were it, others wouldn't've seemed so...disinterested. Most of the attendees weren't taking as many pictures, weren't cosplaying as much or as well, weren't paying attention at events the way I remember them doing.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting older and I can't feel the same way about AO as I did when I was fourteen and it was brand spankin' new to me, or being there with the pressure of performance somehow addled my brain so I couldn't concentrate on the good aspects of AO. But the good aspects were still there - they seemed like they were drowning, though, in the blah atmosphere. When no one else seems to give a shit, and cosplay is a rarity - decent cosplay even more so - and when events feel half-assed or dull or like they've been dragged on far too long, well...I didn't want to be there anymore. Toward the end of closing ceremonies, I felt as depressed as I always do when the con is over. I have post-con hangover and I don't think it'll be any better this year because I didn't have as much fun. (In fact, it may even be worse. Boo.) Thing is, I also wanted to leave. All I could think about is wanting to go home, watch RahXephon with Zelly (I bought the boxed set at the con), and get some sleep. I'm looking forward to seeing the cosplay group again this Sunday, just to hang out and bullshit together, and looking forward to cosplaying together again.
But somehow, the only thing that fills me with any powerful urge to go to Anime Oasis Saga next year is the knowledge that a new venue may solve at least some of the problem. If being at the Qwest Arena and the Grove Hotel means that more people will get into AO and not think of it as a throwaway con where it's cool to wear Hot Topic and brag to your friends about your Code Geass knowledge, or whatever the hell half the people at this year's con were doing, then that's perfect. That's exactly what I want in a con! I miss the AO that knew it was small and therefore easily dismissed, but also accepted everybody, wanted congoers to get to know each other, and had fun laughing at its own mistakes and admitting that its successes could always be improved upon. Where'd it go? I feel like it wasn't there this year, not at all. I hope it isn't that way next year. Seify said she was willing to give AO another go, and so am I. I want it to be worth it, though. I want it to be a wonderful con and fill me with happy memories the way I'm worried this con may not. My best memories will be of hanging out with Ellipsis, posing and poking fun at each other, being in the hotel room and finally calming down from yelling and panicking at each other, taking photos of other cosplayers, and feeling like we did our best even though we were embarrassed at the way the DJ screwed up our music at the beginning of the performance. I will remember the time I spent with this group. So it makes me a little resentful when they talk about coming offstage last year crying with joy, hugging, and excited. We didn't have that this year. A part of me wonders if it's me, or my fault, that the group didn't have that same reaction, but the realistic part of me thinks it was something about this con that affected all of us and made our performance not feel as special as maybe it did last year. It was still amazing, and the rush of coming offstage knowing that in spite of everything, you did your best, is something I won't forget. I'll cherish that forever. But I wish I had been part of something that made me come offstage jumping up and down with happiness.
I know there will be other years and other chances. I wish it'd been this year, but not every year's perfect, I guess. Look at this year: we get onstage, deliver our lines (nearly) perfectly, and the first part of our dance gets fucked up because the sound guy didn't turn the volume up on the speakers. Seify said, "DJ, hit it!" and we got nothing. Having to start in the middle of the dance was not only horribly embarrassing, but it screwed some of us up and made our embarrassment worse. But we picked it up, did everything we could to salvage the performance after a screw-up that wasn't our fault, and we ended up getting fourth place! ^__^ When we weren't expecting anything, that was exciting. At least, it was for me. I know the group got third last year and maybe fourth is a let-down, but for me, winning anything, even a pat on the back, is fantastic. I'm one of those people who never wins anything, so I was delighted out of my skin to get that award. What didn't delight me is that the group seemed depressed and let down.
I still think we have it in us to perform well, without something like that hanging us up and making us feel like we didn't deserve to win any recognition for our hard work, and that we can't let it eat us up. If we do, no performance will ever be fun again. If we don't, we can get back into cosplay and someday, when we find a con we wanna perform at, we can perform again and be one hundred percent proud. But I'm still proud of what we did accomplish. Looking at our costumes, there are things I want to fix, but for the most part, I'm glad we got done what we did, and looked so amazing. I think everyone in the group would agree with me. I hope so, at least.
I don't know whether or not I'll be posting a con summary, but I'm sure I'll talk about this more in detail because it's the only thing that's been going on in my life for the last four days.
To anybody in Ellipsis who reads this, I love you guys and you're still some of my greatest, closest friends. We could've gotten absolute dead last of all the skits, and I'd still be proud to say I'm part of this group and claim you guys as my friends. When we arrive, we - we bring the fire. That will never change. So, in the words of Atoli:
"We will always be together. For all time! No matter where we are in this life, nothing will ever be able to separate us!"
I had fun. But I've had much more fun at previous conventions. And although I have few regrets, the one thing I regret most is that I didn't enjoy the con the way I usually do, and that's not something I could have actively changed. I tried going to events, shopping the dealer's room, getting involved in talking to other cosplayers and congoers, but it still seemed washed out and washed up to me. Mandy chalked it up to Ellipsis as a whole being ready to experience another con, try it out and see what it's like to go to a bigger convention in another city, and I do want to go to Kumoricon or Sakuracon. But I think there was more to it than just our own attitudes toward Anime Oasis. If that were it, others wouldn't've seemed so...disinterested. Most of the attendees weren't taking as many pictures, weren't cosplaying as much or as well, weren't paying attention at events the way I remember them doing.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting older and I can't feel the same way about AO as I did when I was fourteen and it was brand spankin' new to me, or being there with the pressure of performance somehow addled my brain so I couldn't concentrate on the good aspects of AO. But the good aspects were still there - they seemed like they were drowning, though, in the blah atmosphere. When no one else seems to give a shit, and cosplay is a rarity - decent cosplay even more so - and when events feel half-assed or dull or like they've been dragged on far too long, well...I didn't want to be there anymore. Toward the end of closing ceremonies, I felt as depressed as I always do when the con is over. I have post-con hangover and I don't think it'll be any better this year because I didn't have as much fun. (In fact, it may even be worse. Boo.) Thing is, I also wanted to leave. All I could think about is wanting to go home, watch RahXephon with Zelly (I bought the boxed set at the con), and get some sleep. I'm looking forward to seeing the cosplay group again this Sunday, just to hang out and bullshit together, and looking forward to cosplaying together again.
But somehow, the only thing that fills me with any powerful urge to go to Anime Oasis Saga next year is the knowledge that a new venue may solve at least some of the problem. If being at the Qwest Arena and the Grove Hotel means that more people will get into AO and not think of it as a throwaway con where it's cool to wear Hot Topic and brag to your friends about your Code Geass knowledge, or whatever the hell half the people at this year's con were doing, then that's perfect. That's exactly what I want in a con! I miss the AO that knew it was small and therefore easily dismissed, but also accepted everybody, wanted congoers to get to know each other, and had fun laughing at its own mistakes and admitting that its successes could always be improved upon. Where'd it go? I feel like it wasn't there this year, not at all. I hope it isn't that way next year. Seify said she was willing to give AO another go, and so am I. I want it to be worth it, though. I want it to be a wonderful con and fill me with happy memories the way I'm worried this con may not. My best memories will be of hanging out with Ellipsis, posing and poking fun at each other, being in the hotel room and finally calming down from yelling and panicking at each other, taking photos of other cosplayers, and feeling like we did our best even though we were embarrassed at the way the DJ screwed up our music at the beginning of the performance. I will remember the time I spent with this group. So it makes me a little resentful when they talk about coming offstage last year crying with joy, hugging, and excited. We didn't have that this year. A part of me wonders if it's me, or my fault, that the group didn't have that same reaction, but the realistic part of me thinks it was something about this con that affected all of us and made our performance not feel as special as maybe it did last year. It was still amazing, and the rush of coming offstage knowing that in spite of everything, you did your best, is something I won't forget. I'll cherish that forever. But I wish I had been part of something that made me come offstage jumping up and down with happiness.
I know there will be other years and other chances. I wish it'd been this year, but not every year's perfect, I guess. Look at this year: we get onstage, deliver our lines (nearly) perfectly, and the first part of our dance gets fucked up because the sound guy didn't turn the volume up on the speakers. Seify said, "DJ, hit it!" and we got nothing. Having to start in the middle of the dance was not only horribly embarrassing, but it screwed some of us up and made our embarrassment worse. But we picked it up, did everything we could to salvage the performance after a screw-up that wasn't our fault, and we ended up getting fourth place! ^__^ When we weren't expecting anything, that was exciting. At least, it was for me. I know the group got third last year and maybe fourth is a let-down, but for me, winning anything, even a pat on the back, is fantastic. I'm one of those people who never wins anything, so I was delighted out of my skin to get that award. What didn't delight me is that the group seemed depressed and let down.
I still think we have it in us to perform well, without something like that hanging us up and making us feel like we didn't deserve to win any recognition for our hard work, and that we can't let it eat us up. If we do, no performance will ever be fun again. If we don't, we can get back into cosplay and someday, when we find a con we wanna perform at, we can perform again and be one hundred percent proud. But I'm still proud of what we did accomplish. Looking at our costumes, there are things I want to fix, but for the most part, I'm glad we got done what we did, and looked so amazing. I think everyone in the group would agree with me. I hope so, at least.
I don't know whether or not I'll be posting a con summary, but I'm sure I'll talk about this more in detail because it's the only thing that's been going on in my life for the last four days.
To anybody in Ellipsis who reads this, I love you guys and you're still some of my greatest, closest friends. We could've gotten absolute dead last of all the skits, and I'd still be proud to say I'm part of this group and claim you guys as my friends. When we arrive, we - we bring the fire. That will never change. So, in the words of Atoli:
"We will always be together. For all time! No matter where we are in this life, nothing will ever be able to separate us!"