(no subject)
AND THEN MY HEAD AND HEART WERE ALL BETTER. What's up with that, self? Why you gotta do a one-hundred eighty degree revolution on me like that, leaving me miserable for an evening? At least it gave me the chance to kick back with an old game, some older cartoons, and nice friends who lent an ear. I like friends. I could stand to make more of them, but you know how that goes. Not going to worry about that tonight, not me, no sir.
I just got hung up on some particulars, is all. The future, my future, what I'm going to do with it, what I'm not doing right now. I think that the time of year might be a factor, since we're almost coming up on three years since I was done with school, and never wanted to look back. It's more than a little odd how I love learning new things, but hate schools, hate paying for 'em, hate the responsibility that goes hand in hand with all that. Combined with my worrywort self, it might just be the catalyst that gets me started in freaking out and whining and weeping and leading me to think that I'm no good at all, never will be, since my self-worth isn't exactly outstanding.
So that's where all of that went.
But now it's gone, and I'm back to me bein' me, though a me who's trying to think about more, at any rate. Like taking those teeny tiny small steps again to eventually build up to something bigger. Baby steps; that's what I observed coming out of the hospital, and that's what my therapist told me. Shit, maybe I need to blow a hundred bucks and give her a call, make an appointment, lay it on her about life and everything and how I may or may not be going out of my mind.
It's like I told somebody earlier: this was so much easier when I just played my games and masturbated to my pornography and that was the end of that. ... oh, speaking of, I could pop in a movie later, get busy that way--
--yeah, sorry. We love having too much information around here, don't we?
Anyway, my toast is black, just the way I like it, and I've got a new PC game to install, here. Later I'll watch more shows, probably pass out when the sun comes up again, and hopefully feel good about the whole thing, if I even feel things at all. And if not, then having Robot Time is good, too.
I'm also in the mood for a good western. I watched an episode or two of Deadwood earlier in the evening, thought it was fairly neat. A little liberal with its colorful language, which makes me question the authenticity of it all, but I'm a stickler for things like that. I'd probably want to be a gunfighter. Or maybe just a drifter, passing through ... that could be the life for me. Less feasible today, but that's merely a footnote in my long list of worldly complaints that aren't worth mentioning, or we'd never get anywhere. And I'm in a mood to be goin' places.
That's me, though.
[edit]
unlikely seme: I don't know where this 'cute' talk comes from.
unlikely seme: Maybe Weirdo Town.
unlikely seme: Where you come from.
unlikely seme: You weirdo.
Mellos not girly: HMPH. WELL
Mellos not girly: AT LEAST IN WEIRDO TOWN
Mellos not girly: WE
Mellos not girly: UH
Mellos not girly: ...
Mellos not girly: ......
Mellos not girly: Have s'mores.
unlikely seme: Yeah.
unlikely seme: Weirdo.
[edit x2] OH HEADACHE WHY MUST YOU COME WHEN I WAS FEELING GOOD ABOUT MYSELF
I just got hung up on some particulars, is all. The future, my future, what I'm going to do with it, what I'm not doing right now. I think that the time of year might be a factor, since we're almost coming up on three years since I was done with school, and never wanted to look back. It's more than a little odd how I love learning new things, but hate schools, hate paying for 'em, hate the responsibility that goes hand in hand with all that. Combined with my worrywort self, it might just be the catalyst that gets me started in freaking out and whining and weeping and leading me to think that I'm no good at all, never will be, since my self-worth isn't exactly outstanding.
So that's where all of that went.
But now it's gone, and I'm back to me bein' me, though a me who's trying to think about more, at any rate. Like taking those teeny tiny small steps again to eventually build up to something bigger. Baby steps; that's what I observed coming out of the hospital, and that's what my therapist told me. Shit, maybe I need to blow a hundred bucks and give her a call, make an appointment, lay it on her about life and everything and how I may or may not be going out of my mind.
It's like I told somebody earlier: this was so much easier when I just played my games and masturbated to my pornography and that was the end of that. ... oh, speaking of, I could pop in a movie later, get busy that way--
--yeah, sorry. We love having too much information around here, don't we?
Anyway, my toast is black, just the way I like it, and I've got a new PC game to install, here. Later I'll watch more shows, probably pass out when the sun comes up again, and hopefully feel good about the whole thing, if I even feel things at all. And if not, then having Robot Time is good, too.
I'm also in the mood for a good western. I watched an episode or two of Deadwood earlier in the evening, thought it was fairly neat. A little liberal with its colorful language, which makes me question the authenticity of it all, but I'm a stickler for things like that. I'd probably want to be a gunfighter. Or maybe just a drifter, passing through ... that could be the life for me. Less feasible today, but that's merely a footnote in my long list of worldly complaints that aren't worth mentioning, or we'd never get anywhere. And I'm in a mood to be goin' places.
That's me, though.
[edit]
unlikely seme: I don't know where this 'cute' talk comes from.
unlikely seme: Maybe Weirdo Town.
unlikely seme: Where you come from.
unlikely seme: You weirdo.
Mellos not girly: HMPH. WELL
Mellos not girly: AT LEAST IN WEIRDO TOWN
Mellos not girly: WE
Mellos not girly: UH
Mellos not girly: ...
Mellos not girly: ......
Mellos not girly: Have s'mores.
unlikely seme: Yeah.
unlikely seme: Weirdo.
[edit x2] OH HEADACHE WHY MUST YOU COME WHEN I WAS FEELING GOOD ABOUT MYSELF