One Thing I Regret
Well I am alone again. I am always alone, though I am not alone.
GAH I hate this Journal background and txt its to bright and harsh on the eyes don't even know
why I bother speaking but I suppose its the only realse I can get cause I am not going to cut myself to make
my self bleed. SO this is my only way to vent out words. Into the cold facecless heartless
Internet That I have become hopelessly adcit too.
All it really has caused me is nothing but frustration and pain. Then I only return it to people who I really care about.
Well In all my 27 years of living I never thought I would regret anything. But I guess never say never because
I regret not beliving Heero. And hurting him like this. I thought I would be ok I tried to hide away but the reality of
where I am right now is where I am, I can keep shuting myself out of it and finding other ways to cope.
But Saddly all the rum is gone finally I am a lush. I have no other choice but to cope alone.
I Am Death and Death is alone, no one wants to cuddle to long with death as I always ruin everything I am gloomy
and depressing. I bring the rain I bring pain. I am a double edged sword being the God of death isn't always pleasent.
Anyways I just feel like I have really let myself down this time, I am allowing this regret to eat me up inside. I deserve to be eatten alive by my own regrets. By my own stupidy by my own pain. I have caused myself to go to hell.
I invited in hell pretty much, even if that wasn't what I was looking for I was looking for the one I loved I wanted them to find me. I guess this is what happens when the God of death seeks out LOVE ah hahahaha.
I shall never be allowed to have my true love I must suffer and be taunted and huanted by the voice of the one I love while being trapped in this disgusting fleshy prison. I can't even walk right in this shell. I tetter and totter. I almost fall over all the time or I'll stub my toe cause I can't walk right....
Anyways I guess I have been told i am to honset for my own good. Maybe its true but perhaps human kind are to stupid and closed minded to be able to handle the truth. Thus why they dube people withe diffrences as freaks or wrong. Cause the norm dosen't get it humans are just.... BLECH!
Anyways yes i am just needing vent even though I don't know what good it dose at all. I was left alone again to think I am always ALONE.
I am always being left alone. After the way I acted I deserve it. I can't believe I actually have a regret but its my fault my own fault.
*sighs*
whatever who gives a shit? Bah.