Just forget me, it's that simple...
I'm quite sure it's impossible to be feeling good for an extended period of time. I'm finding the line between keeping myself sane and letting myself go is becoming completely blurred. As if I wouldn't know it would kill me to go see her again, I still went. It amazes me that the one thing that can make you feel like you couldn't be more complete can also make you feel as if someone gutted you clean. As I'm laying in bed recovering from whatever it is I'm feeling I can't even begin to rationalize my feelings, emotions, or thoughts. I've been getting these attacks. I don't know what to call them but I've had them for several years and they are coming back again. Shortness of breath, feeling of everything breaking completely apart, extreme lonliness, not wanting to talk to anyone, not wanting to be comforted, wanting nothing but to curl up and let it all out. Only letting it all does not relieve any of the pain, it just drains you even further. I thought I was getting better, I was having fun, meeting new people, letting people actually get to know me. Now I just want to take it all back, take back every piece of me that I let anyone get to know. At least that way no one could hurt me, no one would know me... I wouldn't exist as far as anyone would be concerned. Love is such a fucking cruel thing. Everything goes sour given time. Somethings you learn in time, but in time you begin to see that everything is merely a repeat of a previous experience. Everything is the same if you break it apart and examine it. I look back on my life and see that nothing has really changed. Pain has just moved...