Summing it up for you...?
Hmm where have I been this summer? I have stayed home for school break for the first time in 5 years. Yet feel farther away than ever.
I am not depressed but in a slump just the same. I would describe it as boredom. Not with my surroundings or actions neccessarily, more just bored with myself, which I guess has been constant since late winter - early spring. What is that? Tell me.
..........
I miss DS and Bo-Benny, the Bannana they bring out. Tobes and Bob and his girl, I miss them too, their humor, sarcasm and the way they are nestled in the warm and sometimes uncomfortable closed fist of deep true love. I also miss my Broccoli terribly...this is the longest we've gone without talking, seeing or writing since the day we met.
I miss these friends but have no desire for school to hurry up and begin again. This coming year terrifies me. SO much writing! And suddenly I have nothing to say. No more car, no escape from campus. Last chance for collegiate swim goals. Captain?--I don't know if I can do it. Not living with Broccoli- codependant? Me? NO WAY...ha, I need china-doll faced truck driver!
.........
This summer, as silly as it sounds I have passed through the stages of grief...for my car!!! Yes that silly little jelly bean is gone! and unfairly so. A burly pcikup tried to drive through me from behind. And the insurance company has apparently determined that I don't need a car because they are writing me a settlement check for far less than even a used shitbox will cost.
.........
I think that my triathlon training for the Lobsterman is currently going much better than the previous two years, but somehow I am far less confident about it.
.........
Since March and realizing that things were over and hope was dimished with the Kangaroo my life in love has been the strangest of Carnival games. I am currently covered from head to toe with the icing on the cake.
I hate these regressions of self-sufficiency (not exactly the right term but it'll do). I am annoyed with myself. I seem to have this Existentialist way of dealing with my current hurt feelings with my friends, that somehow I deserve how I am currently being pushed under the carpet, how one person's image is more important than my feelings and integrity. Like this is penance for any hearts I've broken, toes I have stepped on or secrets I have been afraid to share.
brrr this is going nowhere.
I digress.
Let it lie.
I am not depressed but in a slump just the same. I would describe it as boredom. Not with my surroundings or actions neccessarily, more just bored with myself, which I guess has been constant since late winter - early spring. What is that? Tell me.
..........
I miss DS and Bo-Benny, the Bannana they bring out. Tobes and Bob and his girl, I miss them too, their humor, sarcasm and the way they are nestled in the warm and sometimes uncomfortable closed fist of deep true love. I also miss my Broccoli terribly...this is the longest we've gone without talking, seeing or writing since the day we met.
I miss these friends but have no desire for school to hurry up and begin again. This coming year terrifies me. SO much writing! And suddenly I have nothing to say. No more car, no escape from campus. Last chance for collegiate swim goals. Captain?--I don't know if I can do it. Not living with Broccoli- codependant? Me? NO WAY...ha, I need china-doll faced truck driver!
.........
This summer, as silly as it sounds I have passed through the stages of grief...for my car!!! Yes that silly little jelly bean is gone! and unfairly so. A burly pcikup tried to drive through me from behind. And the insurance company has apparently determined that I don't need a car because they are writing me a settlement check for far less than even a used shitbox will cost.
.........
I think that my triathlon training for the Lobsterman is currently going much better than the previous two years, but somehow I am far less confident about it.
.........
Since March and realizing that things were over and hope was dimished with the Kangaroo my life in love has been the strangest of Carnival games. I am currently covered from head to toe with the icing on the cake.
I hate these regressions of self-sufficiency (not exactly the right term but it'll do). I am annoyed with myself. I seem to have this Existentialist way of dealing with my current hurt feelings with my friends, that somehow I deserve how I am currently being pushed under the carpet, how one person's image is more important than my feelings and integrity. Like this is penance for any hearts I've broken, toes I have stepped on or secrets I have been afraid to share.
brrr this is going nowhere.
I digress.
Let it lie.