(no subject)
We (those who swim or dive) will be leaving at noon. I still haven't packed but eh....do I ever pack more then seconds before I must bolt out the door....for any trip...ahhhh ... that your be a resounding N-O-P-E!
since i am not in my class as perhaps I should be...but again...eh. I don't know what to do wiht my self (pack? no way man!)
so instead I reminisce (SP?) (Tobes help)
Last night at my folks I searched through a lock-box (pretty little attache') that I have been saving stuff in for a few years. Actually correction it has BEEN a few years since I added anything.
I save very skewed and strange items.
--- Samples of peoples handwriting...I am a sucker for things handwritten...
Joshua Lukes' slant, so artistic and comforting. Nigels' scrawl - chaotic. Joakims', so deliberate and smooth...like warm summer rain-drops or a bear hug. And my mothers', always in pencil and makes me feel the way I did when I would forget to kiss her goodbye before getting on the school bus, homesick even if she is in the other room, or the way she smelled on sundays.
--- A few really nasty notes and emails and letters I recieved. Nigels' several attempts to piss me off enough or hurt me enough to give up on him. It took three years but finally I did. Then his addictions seemed to ease up a little...how ironic.
--- Many many many poems I wrote while in Georgia or at "the Ridgeview inn". Some pretty horribly written but heady and powerfuk stuff.
--- Photos...me trying to be artistic at age 16 and 17...a few are quite good.
--- Items that pat my ego....but also make me a little bit sad...songs Christopher wrote, poems to me from Al'x (which I still treasure dearly..by the way), poems of Joakims'...one to me that has one line that gets stuck in my head all the time....when he was 16 he said "for your eyes only" so I won't share it here....well, maybe I will later....little teaser there for ya'.
--- There are emails from Bobby that make me grin and some from Jesse too (I still enjoy his diction). Ha and there are notes from Ben (aka ... big-D, kleine bruder...) that are still hilarious...HATZEN BATZEN BENNY BOY.
--- Some random school assignments...a paper about "Great Expectations" titled AMBITION... some design tests from an art class...
--- A handwrittem copy of my favorite sonnet
shall I share it? yes I think so:
What is your substance, whereof you are made,
That millions of strange shadows on you lend?
Since everyone, hath every one, one shade,
And you but one, can every shadow lend:
Describe Adonis and the counterfeit,
Is poorley immitated after you,
On Hellen cheeke all art of beauty set.
And you in Grecian tires are painted new:
Speake of the spring, and foyzon of the yeare,
THe one doth shaddow of your beauty show,
The other as your bountie doth appeare,
And you in every blessed shape we know.
In all external grace you have some part,
But you like none,
none you for constant heart.
hmmm I probably put that in there six years ago and I still love it.
Go Shakespeare ?
Anyhow the list goes on. But my point here and what strikes me is that well, obviously the years between ages 13 and 19 are incredibly bi-polar...but it seems that I have reached a point now where all these scraps don't make me sad or angry or anything that powerful anymore...looking through this stuff just made me feel warm and strong (maybe a little guilt in there somewhere? why? hmm) and stangely also...very loved.
But I will admit there are things that happened when I was like 10 that still bother me. But I consider the high-school years the way frat-boys consider date-rape...I was drunk it's not my fault I didnt have control over my actions. I think the shit your brain and body are going through while you're a teenager are similar to drug use, WOW teenage addicts are really fucked!
This all reminds me a little of a movie with Robbin Williams a couple of years ago..."One Hour Photo" ...his character said things about how people only photograph happy things...they ignore and keep no record of the traumas or sad bits of life...but aren't those as important or more important than the happy bit. I have to agree, for years I though I was odd for saving less than cheery letters and emails and journals or whatever....but I am glad for these things now.
OH DEAR...this entry is getting out of hand.
but maybe I will be back with some quotes.
....
Peace out
-St. Christopher (your protector as you travel through time and space)
since i am not in my class as perhaps I should be...but again...eh. I don't know what to do wiht my self (pack? no way man!)
so instead I reminisce (SP?) (Tobes help)
Last night at my folks I searched through a lock-box (pretty little attache') that I have been saving stuff in for a few years. Actually correction it has BEEN a few years since I added anything.
I save very skewed and strange items.
--- Samples of peoples handwriting...I am a sucker for things handwritten...
Joshua Lukes' slant, so artistic and comforting. Nigels' scrawl - chaotic. Joakims', so deliberate and smooth...like warm summer rain-drops or a bear hug. And my mothers', always in pencil and makes me feel the way I did when I would forget to kiss her goodbye before getting on the school bus, homesick even if she is in the other room, or the way she smelled on sundays.
--- A few really nasty notes and emails and letters I recieved. Nigels' several attempts to piss me off enough or hurt me enough to give up on him. It took three years but finally I did. Then his addictions seemed to ease up a little...how ironic.
--- Many many many poems I wrote while in Georgia or at "the Ridgeview inn". Some pretty horribly written but heady and powerfuk stuff.
--- Photos...me trying to be artistic at age 16 and 17...a few are quite good.
--- Items that pat my ego....but also make me a little bit sad...songs Christopher wrote, poems to me from Al'x (which I still treasure dearly..by the way), poems of Joakims'...one to me that has one line that gets stuck in my head all the time....when he was 16 he said "for your eyes only" so I won't share it here....well, maybe I will later....little teaser there for ya'.
--- There are emails from Bobby that make me grin and some from Jesse too (I still enjoy his diction). Ha and there are notes from Ben (aka ... big-D, kleine bruder...) that are still hilarious...HATZEN BATZEN BENNY BOY.
--- Some random school assignments...a paper about "Great Expectations" titled AMBITION... some design tests from an art class...
--- A handwrittem copy of my favorite sonnet
shall I share it? yes I think so:
What is your substance, whereof you are made,
That millions of strange shadows on you lend?
Since everyone, hath every one, one shade,
And you but one, can every shadow lend:
Describe Adonis and the counterfeit,
Is poorley immitated after you,
On Hellen cheeke all art of beauty set.
And you in Grecian tires are painted new:
Speake of the spring, and foyzon of the yeare,
THe one doth shaddow of your beauty show,
The other as your bountie doth appeare,
And you in every blessed shape we know.
In all external grace you have some part,
But you like none,
none you for constant heart.
hmmm I probably put that in there six years ago and I still love it.
Go Shakespeare ?
Anyhow the list goes on. But my point here and what strikes me is that well, obviously the years between ages 13 and 19 are incredibly bi-polar...but it seems that I have reached a point now where all these scraps don't make me sad or angry or anything that powerful anymore...looking through this stuff just made me feel warm and strong (maybe a little guilt in there somewhere? why? hmm) and stangely also...very loved.
But I will admit there are things that happened when I was like 10 that still bother me. But I consider the high-school years the way frat-boys consider date-rape...I was drunk it's not my fault I didnt have control over my actions. I think the shit your brain and body are going through while you're a teenager are similar to drug use, WOW teenage addicts are really fucked!
This all reminds me a little of a movie with Robbin Williams a couple of years ago..."One Hour Photo" ...his character said things about how people only photograph happy things...they ignore and keep no record of the traumas or sad bits of life...but aren't those as important or more important than the happy bit. I have to agree, for years I though I was odd for saving less than cheery letters and emails and journals or whatever....but I am glad for these things now.
OH DEAR...this entry is getting out of hand.
but maybe I will be back with some quotes.
....
Peace out
-St. Christopher (your protector as you travel through time and space)