I can't deal
I can't believe how hurt I am by all this.
Since 4:45pm last night, I've been a weak, weeping pile of crap.
And feel like I'm going to be nothing but today.
Life easily fades to death.
Such a fragile thing, life. And I'm tired of seeing Death's grim, grinning face taunting me everywhere.
It's just a game for Him.
I've seen it many times, whether it be my stupid choices, my car accident and the fears I have with my health, I'd rather see it again then witness others dying around me.
Ariel, my cat; My Uncle Elmer; My Aunt Carol; Sally, My baby guinea pig.
It all hurts the same. It's loss. It's grief, anger and despair. It's all the ugly emotions that let you know you're still alive. It hurts to watch something you love lose their last breath, knowing they can't do another, watch their eyes fade to that dull black, knowing they'll never glisten again and there's NOTHING you can do about it.
Love turns to Hatred.
It's a bond that takes hold and you can't control yourself.
I hate being out of control.
I want to contain and control everything in my life, but I never can.
And it pisses me off.
I want something happy to write about for once.
I want to not be a wreck.
I want Death to go take a vacation to Bermuda.
It's all a game.
A game.
A game.
A game.
And I want to give up my Queen and quit playing.
But I'm too damn stubborn.
I just want to win.
Since 4:45pm last night, I've been a weak, weeping pile of crap.
And feel like I'm going to be nothing but today.
Life easily fades to death.
Such a fragile thing, life. And I'm tired of seeing Death's grim, grinning face taunting me everywhere.
It's just a game for Him.
I've seen it many times, whether it be my stupid choices, my car accident and the fears I have with my health, I'd rather see it again then witness others dying around me.
Ariel, my cat; My Uncle Elmer; My Aunt Carol; Sally, My baby guinea pig.
It all hurts the same. It's loss. It's grief, anger and despair. It's all the ugly emotions that let you know you're still alive. It hurts to watch something you love lose their last breath, knowing they can't do another, watch their eyes fade to that dull black, knowing they'll never glisten again and there's NOTHING you can do about it.
Love turns to Hatred.
It's a bond that takes hold and you can't control yourself.
I hate being out of control.
I want to contain and control everything in my life, but I never can.
And it pisses me off.
I want something happy to write about for once.
I want to not be a wreck.
I want Death to go take a vacation to Bermuda.
It's all a game.
A game.
A game.
A game.
And I want to give up my Queen and quit playing.
But I'm too damn stubborn.
I just want to win.