Wherein Hermione Granger Becomes a Vampire and, in So Doing, Discovers There is Much More To Death (and Life) Than Meets the Eye is a hilarious, original, deliciously sassy story in which Hermione Granger prefers to think of herself as being Life-Challenged rather than vulgarly undead.
And what, exactly, is Severus Snape, Professor of Applied Infernal Arts?
If you'd like to know, go read. You'll be rewarded with many chuckles and a very nice twist at the end.