Recent thoughts on life...
I’m not going to lie; things haven’t been all that great lately. I thought they were, but maybe I was just fooling myself for various reasons. From good times to disappointments in events as well as certain “friends,” the past week has been quite the roller coaster ride.
The end of last week went pretty well. Thursday night I played poker with the guys at McDonel, which was fun except for the fact that I had shitty hands for pretty much the entire evening. I had a doctor’s appointment Friday morning, then Melissa and I went shopping for a few last things for the party. We really put a lot into it, and I had high hopes that everything would work out well. In the evening I went to Thug’s party, which was cool. Alex and I lost our second game of beer pong ever though.
Saturday was the big day. Me, Shantanu, and Melissa spent the first part of the day decorating the place and cleaning. In the evening Shantanu and I went to Big Ten to pick up our keg, then drove around looking for ice. I ate dinner and then sat around watching the wings game until people started to show up. I was relieved and also proud of myself; it seemed like the party was actually going to be pretty cool. The apartment looked great, and from what I knew, it sounded like a lot of people were going to show up. Gradually friends started to arrive. We played beer pong, and I spent a lot of time talking with people. It was a great time, and I got quite a few compliments about not only my dorky costume, but the party itself. I was “back” as far as beer pong goes, sinking four shots in a row while playing 1on1 against Katie. At any given point in time, there was anywhere from twenty to thirty people here. Apparently this is what caused our problem. Sometime after midnight Shantanu came up to me (I was heavily buzzed) and told me that the cops were at our door. Fuck. Two police officers were standing at our door, and they weren’t looking very happy. They asked me if I was the host, and I said yes. I showed them my ID, and they radioed the information to their HQ. The entire time I kept calm and was cooperative, which was the reason they ended up letting me off with two warnings. They said that a neighbor had called in saying that our “voices were too loud.” The music wasn’t the problem, which I’m not too surprised about because we don’t have a subwoofer. So I stood in the hallway watching my friends, one by one, leave the apartment to get a breathalyser. Four MIP’s were given out that night. After the last few people left the apartment I had to stand on the balcony with one of the officers and drain the entire keg onto the grass. It was freezing out, and it took at least twenty minutes to fully drain it, which seemed like forever at the time. I later found out that one of Shantanu’s friends had run under the balcony and opened his mouth under the stream of beer, consuming (so he says) one or two beers. Pretty funny stuff. Another cop showed up during this and surveyed the situation. Before they left I had to open all of the closets for them in order to be sure there weren’t any minors hiding somewhere. The police soon left and reminded us to “have a good night.” “Thanks a lot” was my sarcastic reply as I tore off our Happy Halloween door decoration. A small group of us sat around and discussed the events for about an hour, then I went to bed. Such a great evening turned into such a mess.
I got up earlier than I wanted to the next morning and cleaned up some of the mess. I don’t really remember what I did during the day besides maybe a bit of homework. I spent a lot of time thinking about all of the things that have happened recently, and my relationship with a lot of my friends. I’m noticing more and more how self-centered a lot of people I know are. I’ve realized that only a few of my very closest friends would be there for me in an extreme situation. I’ve been told, a number of times recently in fact, that I’m “too nice” and care about other people too much. I understand that this may be the case, but that’s just how I am, and I don’t plan on changing. That’s probably why the hospitality field is the best choice for me of any of the other business majors. I enjoy making other people happy and putting forth services for others. I think the point I’m trying to make is that I’m disappointed in some of the people I know. I feel taken for granted as well. Maybe my expectations are too high, but all I wanted was for some of my “friends” from work that I care about to be there on Saturday. Of course the people that I hang out with regularly were there, but others that I talk to during work made no effort to be there. Maybe they just pretend to be my friend at work, but really don’t give a shit. I really don’t know, and I’m not so sure I really care anymore.
I went home after class on Monday for Halloween; I had the day off of work. I picked up flowers for Oma (it was her birthday party as well) and then arrived at home shortly after. It was great to be with the family again, and it reminded me of how important they are. At our age we tend to get wrapped up with the people we’re surrounded with on a daily basis, but we forget about those that matter above everyone else. Anyways, we had an excellent meal, then headed downtown for the celebrations. The weather was great just like last year, well until it rained, but that wasn’t until close to 8pm. I saw my 5th grade teacher, and he still remembered me, even by name. The houses were decorated elaborately as usual; some people really enjoy Halloween I guess. At one point me and Matti ran ahead of everyone to where the Czech Republic embassy is. It takes a lot to surprise me, but I was definitely awestruck by this place. Afterwards we went back and watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and then I headed back here even though I didn’t want to really.
All of my classes yesterday were cancelled because of Career Expo, the largest hospitality career fair in the country. There were seminars during the day and then in the evening the recruiters were there to talk to students. The best part was probably the hour-and-a-half-long speech by the General Manager of the Waldorf=Astoria, Eric Long. His story as well as his advice were quite moving, and I found his overall message to be very powerful and encouraging. Ironically, he talked about people in this industry need to have passion as well as the natural drive to help and serve others. “Hubris is fatal,” he boldly stated, and that my friends is the truth, but most people don’t seem to realize it. Something I’ve noticed is that all of the successful high-level managers have the same qualities. They’re mature but at the same time appropriately compassionate. They have a drive for success, and they know what they want (from their career). They are passionate about their work, and the list goes on. I must say, I’ve never seen so many representatives of an industry where almost everyone I’ve encountered thoroughly enjoys their jobs; they’re not being paid to say these things either. In the evening, a GM from Red Roof inn signed me up for an interview the following day. I talked with dozens of other representatives from other companies, but most of them were either not looking for interns, or they just didn’t interest me. So that was that. I was pretty tired at that point, so I headed back to Knob Hill.
Here’s where some more crap began. Megan told me that she has a boyfriend now, and they’ve been going out officially for about three days. I felt horrible, and it couldn’t be helped. I wanted to feel happy for her, but I just couldn’t. I’ve been told that this is a normal feeling that one experiences when he or she finds out their (previously) significant other is with someone else. Of course I had to ask another question, and the result was not good. I started feeling nauseous, and I knew it was time to leave. There’s really nothing else to say except that I was a bit surprised at how bad I felt, but not as surprised as I probably could have because I had been warned. I came back here and drank until I fell asleep.
As I’ve said previously, I feel like I’m being taken for granted by a number of people. Many of the extra things I do are often times unappreciated, and I’m started to get a bit irritated. Yes, I said I wasn’t going to change my personality obviously, but it’s time to start focusing a bit more on myself and my future. People just don’t care enough about each other, and it’s quite sad really, but that’s reality. As a result, this will be my last public LJ entry, probably forever. The only time my thoughts have been noticed is when they have been used against me or formulated in some way to make me feel bad about myself, create gossip, or to just screw me over in some other way. As far as I’m aware, the main people that read this are on my friends list anyways, so it doesn’t really matter. It’s been a good ride, but I refuse to be taken advantage of anymore, and I’m going to work on sticking up for myself when in certain situations. If you’re reading this, you probably have a connection to me in some way, and I wish you the best of luck in everything that you do and strive for. Best wishes, and God bless.
~ Dunderhead
"Love endures only when the lovers love many things together and not merely each other." - Walter Lippmann
The end of last week went pretty well. Thursday night I played poker with the guys at McDonel, which was fun except for the fact that I had shitty hands for pretty much the entire evening. I had a doctor’s appointment Friday morning, then Melissa and I went shopping for a few last things for the party. We really put a lot into it, and I had high hopes that everything would work out well. In the evening I went to Thug’s party, which was cool. Alex and I lost our second game of beer pong ever though.
Saturday was the big day. Me, Shantanu, and Melissa spent the first part of the day decorating the place and cleaning. In the evening Shantanu and I went to Big Ten to pick up our keg, then drove around looking for ice. I ate dinner and then sat around watching the wings game until people started to show up. I was relieved and also proud of myself; it seemed like the party was actually going to be pretty cool. The apartment looked great, and from what I knew, it sounded like a lot of people were going to show up. Gradually friends started to arrive. We played beer pong, and I spent a lot of time talking with people. It was a great time, and I got quite a few compliments about not only my dorky costume, but the party itself. I was “back” as far as beer pong goes, sinking four shots in a row while playing 1on1 against Katie. At any given point in time, there was anywhere from twenty to thirty people here. Apparently this is what caused our problem. Sometime after midnight Shantanu came up to me (I was heavily buzzed) and told me that the cops were at our door. Fuck. Two police officers were standing at our door, and they weren’t looking very happy. They asked me if I was the host, and I said yes. I showed them my ID, and they radioed the information to their HQ. The entire time I kept calm and was cooperative, which was the reason they ended up letting me off with two warnings. They said that a neighbor had called in saying that our “voices were too loud.” The music wasn’t the problem, which I’m not too surprised about because we don’t have a subwoofer. So I stood in the hallway watching my friends, one by one, leave the apartment to get a breathalyser. Four MIP’s were given out that night. After the last few people left the apartment I had to stand on the balcony with one of the officers and drain the entire keg onto the grass. It was freezing out, and it took at least twenty minutes to fully drain it, which seemed like forever at the time. I later found out that one of Shantanu’s friends had run under the balcony and opened his mouth under the stream of beer, consuming (so he says) one or two beers. Pretty funny stuff. Another cop showed up during this and surveyed the situation. Before they left I had to open all of the closets for them in order to be sure there weren’t any minors hiding somewhere. The police soon left and reminded us to “have a good night.” “Thanks a lot” was my sarcastic reply as I tore off our Happy Halloween door decoration. A small group of us sat around and discussed the events for about an hour, then I went to bed. Such a great evening turned into such a mess.
I got up earlier than I wanted to the next morning and cleaned up some of the mess. I don’t really remember what I did during the day besides maybe a bit of homework. I spent a lot of time thinking about all of the things that have happened recently, and my relationship with a lot of my friends. I’m noticing more and more how self-centered a lot of people I know are. I’ve realized that only a few of my very closest friends would be there for me in an extreme situation. I’ve been told, a number of times recently in fact, that I’m “too nice” and care about other people too much. I understand that this may be the case, but that’s just how I am, and I don’t plan on changing. That’s probably why the hospitality field is the best choice for me of any of the other business majors. I enjoy making other people happy and putting forth services for others. I think the point I’m trying to make is that I’m disappointed in some of the people I know. I feel taken for granted as well. Maybe my expectations are too high, but all I wanted was for some of my “friends” from work that I care about to be there on Saturday. Of course the people that I hang out with regularly were there, but others that I talk to during work made no effort to be there. Maybe they just pretend to be my friend at work, but really don’t give a shit. I really don’t know, and I’m not so sure I really care anymore.
I went home after class on Monday for Halloween; I had the day off of work. I picked up flowers for Oma (it was her birthday party as well) and then arrived at home shortly after. It was great to be with the family again, and it reminded me of how important they are. At our age we tend to get wrapped up with the people we’re surrounded with on a daily basis, but we forget about those that matter above everyone else. Anyways, we had an excellent meal, then headed downtown for the celebrations. The weather was great just like last year, well until it rained, but that wasn’t until close to 8pm. I saw my 5th grade teacher, and he still remembered me, even by name. The houses were decorated elaborately as usual; some people really enjoy Halloween I guess. At one point me and Matti ran ahead of everyone to where the Czech Republic embassy is. It takes a lot to surprise me, but I was definitely awestruck by this place. Afterwards we went back and watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and then I headed back here even though I didn’t want to really.
All of my classes yesterday were cancelled because of Career Expo, the largest hospitality career fair in the country. There were seminars during the day and then in the evening the recruiters were there to talk to students. The best part was probably the hour-and-a-half-long speech by the General Manager of the Waldorf=Astoria, Eric Long. His story as well as his advice were quite moving, and I found his overall message to be very powerful and encouraging. Ironically, he talked about people in this industry need to have passion as well as the natural drive to help and serve others. “Hubris is fatal,” he boldly stated, and that my friends is the truth, but most people don’t seem to realize it. Something I’ve noticed is that all of the successful high-level managers have the same qualities. They’re mature but at the same time appropriately compassionate. They have a drive for success, and they know what they want (from their career). They are passionate about their work, and the list goes on. I must say, I’ve never seen so many representatives of an industry where almost everyone I’ve encountered thoroughly enjoys their jobs; they’re not being paid to say these things either. In the evening, a GM from Red Roof inn signed me up for an interview the following day. I talked with dozens of other representatives from other companies, but most of them were either not looking for interns, or they just didn’t interest me. So that was that. I was pretty tired at that point, so I headed back to Knob Hill.
Here’s where some more crap began. Megan told me that she has a boyfriend now, and they’ve been going out officially for about three days. I felt horrible, and it couldn’t be helped. I wanted to feel happy for her, but I just couldn’t. I’ve been told that this is a normal feeling that one experiences when he or she finds out their (previously) significant other is with someone else. Of course I had to ask another question, and the result was not good. I started feeling nauseous, and I knew it was time to leave. There’s really nothing else to say except that I was a bit surprised at how bad I felt, but not as surprised as I probably could have because I had been warned. I came back here and drank until I fell asleep.
As I’ve said previously, I feel like I’m being taken for granted by a number of people. Many of the extra things I do are often times unappreciated, and I’m started to get a bit irritated. Yes, I said I wasn’t going to change my personality obviously, but it’s time to start focusing a bit more on myself and my future. People just don’t care enough about each other, and it’s quite sad really, but that’s reality. As a result, this will be my last public LJ entry, probably forever. The only time my thoughts have been noticed is when they have been used against me or formulated in some way to make me feel bad about myself, create gossip, or to just screw me over in some other way. As far as I’m aware, the main people that read this are on my friends list anyways, so it doesn’t really matter. It’s been a good ride, but I refuse to be taken advantage of anymore, and I’m going to work on sticking up for myself when in certain situations. If you’re reading this, you probably have a connection to me in some way, and I wish you the best of luck in everything that you do and strive for. Best wishes, and God bless.
~ Dunderhead
"Love endures only when the lovers love many things together and not merely each other." - Walter Lippmann