why is it?

[dumpunk04]

when you need help the most, you are the least likely to ask for it. everything on the inside of me, and more and more things on the outside, is screaming that i'm breaking down. i'm losing it. i've been losing it, and i'm scared that i'm getting to the point where it may become "irreversable" by some measure. i can't let myself do this to myself. i need to swallow my pride, ask for help, and lean on her shoulder now more than ever.

i don't know which i am more afraid of: wasting my life like this, or letting her back in after so long and being so hurt.