finally
disclaimer: im not unhappy...and ive been happier...i just finally learned some stuff about myself
im writing in here...cuz this is my "sad journal" actually this is my serious one...the xanga has become more like a "im hyper bored and feel like wasting my time" journal
ive finally realized what it is thats been bothering me..
im pathetic.
i really am...its kinda funny...
i have one real friend...stef...
i have a few other friends...but to be honest i can't say that they're real...
not because i dont love them...i do...but i called other people my real friends and now all i get from them are icy stares in teh halls...
i say it doesnt bother me...but come on...im human...no one really likes being hated...especially when i dont even knwo what happened.
i cling too...its again..pathetic...i cling onto everything...every little thing that happens can't just be a bump in teh road...its a fucking mountain...everyone moves on...but im still thinking about things 10, 5, 2 years ago
and when i meet people...most people are somewhat cautious...but not me...i jump straight in and basically come out completely torn from head to toe...i trust way too easily
and my confidence? non-existant...people think tah opposite...but im so insecure and i wish i wasnt...i really do...its sad...i cant do anything without worrying about disappointing or upseting someone
right now im just thankful that im not pathetic enough for stef to start ditching me too and i have her at all...without her id pretty much be dead right now
this is the most intense and revealing entry ive written ever...
it was something i realized while talking to people online and they didnt respond for about 10 minutes and i respond in less than 20 seconds...everytime to everyone
pathetic no?
im writing in here...cuz this is my "sad journal" actually this is my serious one...the xanga has become more like a "im hyper bored and feel like wasting my time" journal
ive finally realized what it is thats been bothering me..
im pathetic.
i really am...its kinda funny...
i have one real friend...stef...
i have a few other friends...but to be honest i can't say that they're real...
not because i dont love them...i do...but i called other people my real friends and now all i get from them are icy stares in teh halls...
i say it doesnt bother me...but come on...im human...no one really likes being hated...especially when i dont even knwo what happened.
i cling too...its again..pathetic...i cling onto everything...every little thing that happens can't just be a bump in teh road...its a fucking mountain...everyone moves on...but im still thinking about things 10, 5, 2 years ago
and when i meet people...most people are somewhat cautious...but not me...i jump straight in and basically come out completely torn from head to toe...i trust way too easily
and my confidence? non-existant...people think tah opposite...but im so insecure and i wish i wasnt...i really do...its sad...i cant do anything without worrying about disappointing or upseting someone
right now im just thankful that im not pathetic enough for stef to start ditching me too and i have her at all...without her id pretty much be dead right now
this is the most intense and revealing entry ive written ever...
it was something i realized while talking to people online and they didnt respond for about 10 minutes and i respond in less than 20 seconds...everytime to everyone
pathetic no?