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my family will not talk to me. i've texted my mom several times, and nothing. (yes, i know mother/daughter texting is very strange, but we used to do it everyday!) i haven't mustered up the strength to actually call home, but i have a feeling they wouldn't answer anyway. when i saw that my mom read the e-mail, i IMed her shortly after and she said something along the lines of "i am in shock, i just need time to think. i love you but i just need to think. ryan is here he is crying too." then she signed off and that was the last i've heard from her. that was a week ago. time to think? okay, i know this is a "big deal", but doesn't she have any questions for me?
why do i have to feel so abandoned for being completely real and natural ? i did not choose this lifestyle; why would i? why would anyone consciously CHOOSE the more difficult path? why didn't i ever have to confess to my mom that i'm left-handed, when it's just as (if not more) "rare"? where do people who have NO idea what it feels like to grow up a homosexual in a heterosexual world get off making me feel NOT HUMAN?
at this point, i don't know where i'll be sleeping christmas eve. i don't know who i will spending the best holiday of the year with. i NEVER thought i would have to say that! don't get me wrong, i would obviously love to be with marcia on this day, but not under these circumstances. i thought all the wrinkles would be ironed out by now, but was i wrong! i thought the hardest part was over, but i've still got a mile of hurdles lined up ahead of me. now i have to convince my mom NOT to be ashamed of having me as her daughter! i have to convince my dad that i still am, and always will be, his buttercup. i have to prove to my brother that i am the same care bear he looked for his basket with on easter morning! THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO HAPPEN. there should never be a "wrong time" to tell my family about such a miniscule detail of who i am! i feel like nineteen years of memories, nineteen christmases, nineteen thanksgivings, nineteen years of MAKING MY FAMILY PROUD have been thrown away violently in exchange for ONE, TINY CHARACTERISTIC.
someone, please tell me how this adds up?
why do i have to feel so abandoned for being completely real and natural ? i did not choose this lifestyle; why would i? why would anyone consciously CHOOSE the more difficult path? why didn't i ever have to confess to my mom that i'm left-handed, when it's just as (if not more) "rare"? where do people who have NO idea what it feels like to grow up a homosexual in a heterosexual world get off making me feel NOT HUMAN?
at this point, i don't know where i'll be sleeping christmas eve. i don't know who i will spending the best holiday of the year with. i NEVER thought i would have to say that! don't get me wrong, i would obviously love to be with marcia on this day, but not under these circumstances. i thought all the wrinkles would be ironed out by now, but was i wrong! i thought the hardest part was over, but i've still got a mile of hurdles lined up ahead of me. now i have to convince my mom NOT to be ashamed of having me as her daughter! i have to convince my dad that i still am, and always will be, his buttercup. i have to prove to my brother that i am the same care bear he looked for his basket with on easter morning! THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO HAPPEN. there should never be a "wrong time" to tell my family about such a miniscule detail of who i am! i feel like nineteen years of memories, nineteen christmases, nineteen thanksgivings, nineteen years of MAKING MY FAMILY PROUD have been thrown away violently in exchange for ONE, TINY CHARACTERISTIC.
someone, please tell me how this adds up?