wake up;;
baekhyun/chanyeol // 2,108 words / r / angst; dark
warning: grammar errors; drug use; mental illness, child sexual abuse (not explict), violence, implied!suicide/character death
→ baekhyun is chanyeol's best friend in the whole wide world.
a/n: reposting this from my tumblr account, because i want to have it here as well. maybe someone saw it there. also got the inspiration for this fic through this, yeaaaah.
chanyeol is six years old.
he doesn’t have a family, his parents didn’t want him.
because of that he lives in an orphanage.
but he’s not sad, because he has his best friend, he has the best friend in the whole wide world.
his best friends name is baekhyun. he’s slightly older but smaller than chanyeol and he has dark brown hair. they both have curls and chanyeol likes it when he can ruffle his hand through them and the other way round. baekhyun also has this really nice and friendly smile that always shows his white teeth and he looks really happy like that, so chanyeol always has to laugh with him, because when he’s with his best friend everything is fine.
-
they both share a room and baekhyun is always there.
he never leaves chanyeol.
he’s even there when one of the caretakers slips into their room during the night every couple of days; when this person rubs one of his hands across his belly and his sides with a sickening smirk. even when he tries to spread chanyeol’s legs apart.
chanyeol wants to scream, he wants baekhyun to help him. but a hand covers his mouth, so all he can do is to look at his right side.
he looks at baekhyun with tear stained eyes and baekhyun doesn’t move from his bed, he just watches them. he whispers softly. pretend you like it, chanyeol. It’s almost over again.
chanyeol just nods and pretends.
-
you have to wake up.
-
they laugh so much together, they have always fun.
baekhyun tells the best jokes.
and chanyeol thinks that they are going to spend the rest of their lives here side by side at the orphanage. he loves this idea.
-
but after three years, baekhyun starts to change.
his smile gets a weird touch; it’s not this warm and happy smile anymore. it’s cold and distant and kind of cruel. it scares chanyeol.
something is strange.
and one day he catches baekhyun while he’s burying an animal corpse. it’s a dead rabbit. it was the pet of the children in the orphanage.
“baek, what have you done?”, he asks him.
baekhyun looks up and smiles at him, again it’s this creepy smile. “he was mean to me, he hurt me.”
he stands up and closes the distance between them. chanyeol wants to take a step back, but his friend grabs his hand and tugs his sleeve up. chanyeol doesn’t understand, but suddenly there are big red scratches on his own upper arm.
“look what the rabbit did, chanyeol.”
-
a woman and a man come to the orphanage. they want to adopt a child and they take a liking on chanyeol.
they want to adopt him.
he doesn’t say no to them. even though he somehow want to stay there, because he still loves his best friend, but they look really nice.
when he tells baekhyun about this, he gets really angry.
his brown eyes are like daggers and chanyeol feels the urge to hide somewhere, he’s scared.
he quickly gets up and says goodbye, but baekhyun gets up as well.
they are standing on the stairs in front of the hallway to their room. and suddenly baekhyun lifts his hands and pushes chanyeol.
chanyeol is too shocked to realize that he’s crashing down the stairs.
-
when he wakes up again, the first thing he sees are his soon-to-be parents. next to them is one of his caretakers from the orphanage.
they all look at him with worry in their eyes.
chanyeol starts to cry.
“why did you choose me? baekhyun will hate me forever”, he sobs and their concern slowly turns into confusion.
“baekhyun?”
chanyeol just nods. “there’s no baekhyun here, chanyeol.”
there never was.
-
so chanyeol realizes baekhyun was never real.
-
you have to wake up.
-
baekhyun is gone.
but chanyeol doesn’t really mind anymore. because it’s better that way.
-
he lives a good life.
even though he still behaves like a child and smiles most of the time, he’s smart. and because of that he’s one of the best students in his class.
-
when he’s sixteen he starts having weird dreams.
erotic dreams.
and it’s not like he doesn’t know anything about sex, but it’s still embarrassing, because he wakes up with sticky and wet shorts every morning.
at first he can’t really remember anything from these dreams besides what he felt.
even after he wakes up he can still feel the slide of heated skin against skin, soft fingers running up his tights, palming his aroused cock. he can still feel the lips kissing his neck, the wet tongue licking down his chest.
-
he has these dreams almost every night.
-
slowly his grades drop, because he can’t concentrate in school.
all he can think of are the hands and the lips and the tongue. he can’t stop thinking about being filled up or being deep inside someone else and it’s hard not to give in and start to rub his crotch in the middle of class.
-
more and more he recognizes the other person in his dreams.
he sees the soft brown curls framing a pretty shaped face. he sees the familiar smile on pink lips and the piercing brown eyes.
-
it’s baekhyun.
-
chanyeol goes to college.
it’s not as easy as school was (before his dreams started), but he’s kept busy and he finds new and nice friends.
-
he gets into drinking and goes to parties with his friends.
he likes it.
drinking makes him forget baekhyun; even if it’s just for a while, until he meets him again when he passes out on his pillow.
-
taking a long sip from his beer, chanyeol looks around the room lazily. his eyes catch jongdae, one of his friends, making out with some guy, grinding against him. it seems to be the new transfer student from china - yixing’s his name, chanyeol thinks. he shakes his head and smiles, because he thinks they probably should get themselves a room, since they’re almost fucking on the couch.
but suddenly his smile freezes, when he notices that he misses baekhyun, misses his touches. he starts to feel excited about falling asleep later.
he quickly turns away from his friend and the other boy.
-
you have to wake up.
-
after some time he hooks up with kris, one of the guys in his group.
he’s nice and chanyeol likes him. the sex is great as well.
the dreams stop.
-
they last for almost four weeks, until kris tells him that he kinda likes the cute black-haired guy from his english class he started to tutor some time ago.
but chanyeol thinks it’s okay. it’s okay because his friend is happy.
the same night, the dreams and baekhyun come back to him. and while he’s pressing wet kisses down his neck, he whispers into chanyeol’s ear, “i missed you so much, chanyeol.”
did you miss me too?
-
it’s kind of addicting.
baekhyun’s hands and touches, his lips, his smooth voice.
everything about baekhyun is addicting.
-
and chanyeol finds himself craving for more and more.
-
wake up.
-
chanyeol’s at a party again.
his friends are with him and next to him on the left side are jongdae and yixing, kissing. that’s what they do all the time and sometimes he wonders if he feels the same thing for baekhyun, what they both feel for each other.
on the other side sits his friend sehun. he’s totally wasted and can’t stop giggling into his hands and every time he breaks out into a laughing fit, chanyeol just has to laugh with him.
they watch kyungsoo and luhan, both rolling a joint for them.
kyungsoo is drunk as well, so he has a hard time with doing this, but he manages somehow and lights it up, then passes it around.
chanyeol inhales the smoke and smiles when he feels the familiar taste on his tongue and he can’t wait for the effects to wash over him.
luhan finishes as well and tugs on yixing’s sweater. he finally stops kissing jongdae and turns around on his lap, takes the joint and smiles at him with red, swollen lips.
chanyeol just shakes his head and punches sehun’s shoulder, giving him the joint.
“i have something new for you, guys.”
suddenly everyone looks at luhan - except for the couple with them, because they’re already making out again - who grins at them and then searches for something in the pockets of his pants.
he takes out a little plastic bag, filled with pills.
“what’s this?”, sehun asks, giggling again.
“try it, it’s good stuff.”
chanyeol’s not sure about it and eyes the bag suspiciously. but suddenly there’s a chest pressed against his back and hands are on his shoulders. soft whispers in his ear. come on. just try it, chanyeol.
-
so chanyeol gets into taking drugs. and he really likes it.
he even likes it more than drinking alcohol.
drugs make his life even happier; most of the time.
it makes everything more real. baekhyun suddenly gets real. what they do gets real and for a couple of hours he feels like nothing is wrong with his head.
like baekhyun isn’t just an imaginary friend. like baekhyun is a real person.
-
you have to wake up.
-
baekhyun isn’t a soft person. he’s rough and he likes it rough.
and chanyeol doesn’t mind.
because it’s a little strange when the other is gentle or something like that. it’s not like him somehow.
-
after some time baekhyun leaves the dreams.
he’s with chanyeol now.
he sees him all the time. he’s curled up next to him on his bed, sometimes in his arms, every morning when chanyeol wakes up. he walks with him to his class and doesn’t leave after the bell rings. he tries to distract him from the lessons.
he can’t say anything against it, because baekhyun refuses to stay in his dorm room.
-
baekhyun places himself on chanyeol’s hips, half-naked and looks down at him. he’s smiling, but for the first time since years it’s not this smile that makes chanyeol feel sick. it’s this sort of smile baekhyun had before he started to act strange; the smile he had when they were six years old. warm and nice and friendly.
but his eyes still have this mad and cold glint in them.
one of his hands strokes chanyeol’s cheek, fingertips gently resting against the skin.
“i love you, chanyeol.”
-
do you love me too?
yes, yes I do.
-
wake up. you have to-
-
chanyeol’s high and it’s an amazing feeling.
he’s spinning around in the middle of the dance floor and everything is colourful and bright; baekhyun is with him. there is a wide grin on their lips.
he can feel the bass everywhere in his body. chanyeol laughs and pulls his friend into his arms. they dance together, hips swaying to the rhythm of the loud music.
one of baekhyun’s hands rests on his neck, the other one in his damp and curly hair. chanyeol’s hands are on the others hips, just to press their bodies against each other even more. he wants to feel baekhyun, his heated skin.
they’re grinding their hips together, baekhyun moans shamelessly. “god, chanyeol.”
a shiver runs across his spine and chanyeol leans forward to catch baekhyun’s lips in a deep kiss. it’s a little bit sloppy, because he concentrates more on rubbing against him. but then baekhyun pulls away and looks at him with dark eyes, smirking. he understands and nods, then takes his hand and guides them across the dance floor to the exit.
-
you have to-
-
chanyeol feels awful when he wakes up in the morning. his limbs are heavy and he has the worst headache ever. but it doesn’t matter, because baekhyun lies beside him, chin resting on chanyeol’s chest while he runs his fingers across his skin.
“good morning”, he says sleepily, trying to peck his friend on the cheek.
baekhyun turns away, before he can reach him. then he’s suddenly on top of him, pressing him into the mattress. he smiles sweetly. “good morning.”
chanyeol reaches up for a kiss.
there’s something sharp and cold against his throat, but he ignores it. he also ignores how the smile on baekhyun’s lips turns into a wicked grimace.
because he still wants his good morning kiss.
-
you have to wake up again.
-
chanyeol doesn’t wake up again.
warning: grammar errors; drug use; mental illness, child sexual abuse (not explict), violence, implied!suicide/character death
→ baekhyun is chanyeol's best friend in the whole wide world.
a/n: reposting this from my tumblr account, because i want to have it here as well. maybe someone saw it there. also got the inspiration for this fic through this, yeaaaah.
chanyeol is six years old.
he doesn’t have a family, his parents didn’t want him.
because of that he lives in an orphanage.
but he’s not sad, because he has his best friend, he has the best friend in the whole wide world.
his best friends name is baekhyun. he’s slightly older but smaller than chanyeol and he has dark brown hair. they both have curls and chanyeol likes it when he can ruffle his hand through them and the other way round. baekhyun also has this really nice and friendly smile that always shows his white teeth and he looks really happy like that, so chanyeol always has to laugh with him, because when he’s with his best friend everything is fine.
-
they both share a room and baekhyun is always there.
he never leaves chanyeol.
he’s even there when one of the caretakers slips into their room during the night every couple of days; when this person rubs one of his hands across his belly and his sides with a sickening smirk. even when he tries to spread chanyeol’s legs apart.
chanyeol wants to scream, he wants baekhyun to help him. but a hand covers his mouth, so all he can do is to look at his right side.
he looks at baekhyun with tear stained eyes and baekhyun doesn’t move from his bed, he just watches them. he whispers softly. pretend you like it, chanyeol. It’s almost over again.
chanyeol just nods and pretends.
-
you have to wake up.
-
they laugh so much together, they have always fun.
baekhyun tells the best jokes.
and chanyeol thinks that they are going to spend the rest of their lives here side by side at the orphanage. he loves this idea.
-
but after three years, baekhyun starts to change.
his smile gets a weird touch; it’s not this warm and happy smile anymore. it’s cold and distant and kind of cruel. it scares chanyeol.
something is strange.
and one day he catches baekhyun while he’s burying an animal corpse. it’s a dead rabbit. it was the pet of the children in the orphanage.
“baek, what have you done?”, he asks him.
baekhyun looks up and smiles at him, again it’s this creepy smile. “he was mean to me, he hurt me.”
he stands up and closes the distance between them. chanyeol wants to take a step back, but his friend grabs his hand and tugs his sleeve up. chanyeol doesn’t understand, but suddenly there are big red scratches on his own upper arm.
“look what the rabbit did, chanyeol.”
-
a woman and a man come to the orphanage. they want to adopt a child and they take a liking on chanyeol.
they want to adopt him.
he doesn’t say no to them. even though he somehow want to stay there, because he still loves his best friend, but they look really nice.
when he tells baekhyun about this, he gets really angry.
his brown eyes are like daggers and chanyeol feels the urge to hide somewhere, he’s scared.
he quickly gets up and says goodbye, but baekhyun gets up as well.
they are standing on the stairs in front of the hallway to their room. and suddenly baekhyun lifts his hands and pushes chanyeol.
chanyeol is too shocked to realize that he’s crashing down the stairs.
-
when he wakes up again, the first thing he sees are his soon-to-be parents. next to them is one of his caretakers from the orphanage.
they all look at him with worry in their eyes.
chanyeol starts to cry.
“why did you choose me? baekhyun will hate me forever”, he sobs and their concern slowly turns into confusion.
“baekhyun?”
chanyeol just nods. “there’s no baekhyun here, chanyeol.”
there never was.
-
so chanyeol realizes baekhyun was never real.
-
you have to wake up.
-
baekhyun is gone.
but chanyeol doesn’t really mind anymore. because it’s better that way.
-
he lives a good life.
even though he still behaves like a child and smiles most of the time, he’s smart. and because of that he’s one of the best students in his class.
-
when he’s sixteen he starts having weird dreams.
erotic dreams.
and it’s not like he doesn’t know anything about sex, but it’s still embarrassing, because he wakes up with sticky and wet shorts every morning.
at first he can’t really remember anything from these dreams besides what he felt.
even after he wakes up he can still feel the slide of heated skin against skin, soft fingers running up his tights, palming his aroused cock. he can still feel the lips kissing his neck, the wet tongue licking down his chest.
-
he has these dreams almost every night.
-
slowly his grades drop, because he can’t concentrate in school.
all he can think of are the hands and the lips and the tongue. he can’t stop thinking about being filled up or being deep inside someone else and it’s hard not to give in and start to rub his crotch in the middle of class.
-
more and more he recognizes the other person in his dreams.
he sees the soft brown curls framing a pretty shaped face. he sees the familiar smile on pink lips and the piercing brown eyes.
-
it’s baekhyun.
-
chanyeol goes to college.
it’s not as easy as school was (before his dreams started), but he’s kept busy and he finds new and nice friends.
-
he gets into drinking and goes to parties with his friends.
he likes it.
drinking makes him forget baekhyun; even if it’s just for a while, until he meets him again when he passes out on his pillow.
-
taking a long sip from his beer, chanyeol looks around the room lazily. his eyes catch jongdae, one of his friends, making out with some guy, grinding against him. it seems to be the new transfer student from china - yixing’s his name, chanyeol thinks. he shakes his head and smiles, because he thinks they probably should get themselves a room, since they’re almost fucking on the couch.
but suddenly his smile freezes, when he notices that he misses baekhyun, misses his touches. he starts to feel excited about falling asleep later.
he quickly turns away from his friend and the other boy.
-
you have to wake up.
-
after some time he hooks up with kris, one of the guys in his group.
he’s nice and chanyeol likes him. the sex is great as well.
the dreams stop.
-
they last for almost four weeks, until kris tells him that he kinda likes the cute black-haired guy from his english class he started to tutor some time ago.
but chanyeol thinks it’s okay. it’s okay because his friend is happy.
the same night, the dreams and baekhyun come back to him. and while he’s pressing wet kisses down his neck, he whispers into chanyeol’s ear, “i missed you so much, chanyeol.”
did you miss me too?
-
it’s kind of addicting.
baekhyun’s hands and touches, his lips, his smooth voice.
everything about baekhyun is addicting.
-
and chanyeol finds himself craving for more and more.
-
wake up.
-
chanyeol’s at a party again.
his friends are with him and next to him on the left side are jongdae and yixing, kissing. that’s what they do all the time and sometimes he wonders if he feels the same thing for baekhyun, what they both feel for each other.
on the other side sits his friend sehun. he’s totally wasted and can’t stop giggling into his hands and every time he breaks out into a laughing fit, chanyeol just has to laugh with him.
they watch kyungsoo and luhan, both rolling a joint for them.
kyungsoo is drunk as well, so he has a hard time with doing this, but he manages somehow and lights it up, then passes it around.
chanyeol inhales the smoke and smiles when he feels the familiar taste on his tongue and he can’t wait for the effects to wash over him.
luhan finishes as well and tugs on yixing’s sweater. he finally stops kissing jongdae and turns around on his lap, takes the joint and smiles at him with red, swollen lips.
chanyeol just shakes his head and punches sehun’s shoulder, giving him the joint.
“i have something new for you, guys.”
suddenly everyone looks at luhan - except for the couple with them, because they’re already making out again - who grins at them and then searches for something in the pockets of his pants.
he takes out a little plastic bag, filled with pills.
“what’s this?”, sehun asks, giggling again.
“try it, it’s good stuff.”
chanyeol’s not sure about it and eyes the bag suspiciously. but suddenly there’s a chest pressed against his back and hands are on his shoulders. soft whispers in his ear. come on. just try it, chanyeol.
-
so chanyeol gets into taking drugs. and he really likes it.
he even likes it more than drinking alcohol.
drugs make his life even happier; most of the time.
it makes everything more real. baekhyun suddenly gets real. what they do gets real and for a couple of hours he feels like nothing is wrong with his head.
like baekhyun isn’t just an imaginary friend. like baekhyun is a real person.
-
you have to wake up.
-
baekhyun isn’t a soft person. he’s rough and he likes it rough.
and chanyeol doesn’t mind.
because it’s a little strange when the other is gentle or something like that. it’s not like him somehow.
-
after some time baekhyun leaves the dreams.
he’s with chanyeol now.
he sees him all the time. he’s curled up next to him on his bed, sometimes in his arms, every morning when chanyeol wakes up. he walks with him to his class and doesn’t leave after the bell rings. he tries to distract him from the lessons.
he can’t say anything against it, because baekhyun refuses to stay in his dorm room.
-
baekhyun places himself on chanyeol’s hips, half-naked and looks down at him. he’s smiling, but for the first time since years it’s not this smile that makes chanyeol feel sick. it’s this sort of smile baekhyun had before he started to act strange; the smile he had when they were six years old. warm and nice and friendly.
but his eyes still have this mad and cold glint in them.
one of his hands strokes chanyeol’s cheek, fingertips gently resting against the skin.
“i love you, chanyeol.”
-
do you love me too?
yes, yes I do.
-
wake up. you have to-
-
chanyeol’s high and it’s an amazing feeling.
he’s spinning around in the middle of the dance floor and everything is colourful and bright; baekhyun is with him. there is a wide grin on their lips.
he can feel the bass everywhere in his body. chanyeol laughs and pulls his friend into his arms. they dance together, hips swaying to the rhythm of the loud music.
one of baekhyun’s hands rests on his neck, the other one in his damp and curly hair. chanyeol’s hands are on the others hips, just to press their bodies against each other even more. he wants to feel baekhyun, his heated skin.
they’re grinding their hips together, baekhyun moans shamelessly. “god, chanyeol.”
a shiver runs across his spine and chanyeol leans forward to catch baekhyun’s lips in a deep kiss. it’s a little bit sloppy, because he concentrates more on rubbing against him. but then baekhyun pulls away and looks at him with dark eyes, smirking. he understands and nods, then takes his hand and guides them across the dance floor to the exit.
-
you have to-
-
chanyeol feels awful when he wakes up in the morning. his limbs are heavy and he has the worst headache ever. but it doesn’t matter, because baekhyun lies beside him, chin resting on chanyeol’s chest while he runs his fingers across his skin.
“good morning”, he says sleepily, trying to peck his friend on the cheek.
baekhyun turns away, before he can reach him. then he’s suddenly on top of him, pressing him into the mattress. he smiles sweetly. “good morning.”
chanyeol reaches up for a kiss.
there’s something sharp and cold against his throat, but he ignores it. he also ignores how the smile on baekhyun’s lips turns into a wicked grimace.
because he still wants his good morning kiss.
-
you have to wake up again.
-
chanyeol doesn’t wake up again.