merrily we fall (out of line) [2/2];;
part 1
homework
there’s not only the soccer team, but also the basketball team that’s quite popular around school.
their captain is kris.
everyone calls him kris, yixing doesn’t know if he wants it like that or some just started with it, because his real name is wu yifan, but okay.
first of all, he’s really tall. like really, really tall. yixing envies him for his height sometimes. and he always has a frown on his face, what makes him a little intimidating for other people. they say he never smiles or laughs, just sits there with his stoned face and looking mysterious.
he’s from canada, so his english is kinda perfect and that’s probably all he knows about him, since they don’t share a single class.
lesson
from: luhan
received: 09:17
are you free today? meet me at the mall after lunch.
-
the text message wakes him up and he can’t help but to be excited about it. they never met outside from school before, so it’s the first time that they’d spend their free time together like that.
but lately he always feels excited and jumpy around luhan, he doesn’t question it, though, because it’s the best not to think about something like that too much.
and even though yixing tries his best to be there early, he loses his track of time and arrives a little too late. but he quickly spots luhan waiting for him at the fountain at the beginning of the mall.
he smiles and wants to wave, but then he sees that the other is not alone, his friends are with him. his stomach drops and he feels uncomfortable again. it’s not that he hates them or anything, but most of them still look at him with those unwelcoming eyes and he knows they don’t like him that much.
he also enjoys spending time with luhan alone, since he’s always more like himself when ‘the group’ is not with him.
“hey!”, luhan greets him with a grin and throws his arm around his shoulders.
“hi”, yixing says and a light tingling sensation shoots through his entire body, when luhan presses him close and starts walking without giving him the chance to greet the other guys.
he quickly looks back at them and waves, but most of them only nod in return. except chanyeol, he smiles at him. he’s like the only one that gives yixing the feeling that it’s okay for him to be with them. and at those moments he understands why people quickly fall for him and like him, in any kind of way.
“what are we going to do?”, he asks then and interrupts luhan’s non-stop talking about some topic that yixing can’t understand again.
“we’re going to buy some new stuff, clothes and all. especially for you.”
“what’s wrong with my clothes?”
“they’re fine, but you shouldn’t hide yourself so much in simple clothing, you know?”
“luhan likes talking about how handsome your good looking everything would look in different clothes”, sehun snorts beside them and gives them a dry laugh, when luhan grumbles at him with slightly red cheeks and kicks him in the butt. “shut up.”
but yixing can’t really care about that, because he’s busy with looking away, in any other direction so no one would see how flushed his face got.
homework
next one in the basketball team is, zitao, but he likes it when people call him just tao.
he’s also tall, okay, everyone from the basketball team is tall and he is a martial artist; knows wushu and all. although he’s not as intimidating as kris, he still is, because sometimes he looks like he wants to rip your throat out with his teeth, when he looks at you with those puffy, dark eyes.
but yixing knows that tao isn’t a bit like that.
when tao came to this school last year, as chinese exchange student, he couldn’t speak one word in korean, so yixing started talking to him, since he was able to speak with him in chinese and they got friends, he even helped him with his korean.
he’s always been a friendly and more shy and emotional kid. (and yixing is sure that he’s still like that, but nobody sees it.)
after some time kris got a liking on him and took him under his wing.
tao stopped talking to yixing after that, since popular guys can’t be friends with someone like him, but he still always gives him a small, friendly smile when they cross ways in the hall between classes.
lesson
yixing is glad when luhan asks him more and more to hang out with him, by now alone most of the time and without the other people from his group. it’s nice and it makes him happy, because he simply loves luhan’s company and the fluttering feeling he gives him.
the more time he spends with him, the stronger the warm feeling in his stomach gets and for weeks he tried to ignore it, to not pay any attention to it. but every time luhan pulls him close, yixing thinks he bursts and he doesn’t even to dare to think about why this is.
as long as he doesn’t think it, it’s not true.
or at least he can tell himself that it’s not true.
he plays the wrong keys, because he’s spacing out and luhan gently jabs him in the ribs. “yixing, concentrate.”
“uh, sorry”, he says and sighs quietly. “let’s stop for today, okay?”
luhan tilts his head to the side and watches him with a mix of curiosity and concern, but then nods. but when yixing wants to take the music papers away, he grabs his wrist and stops him. “but at least teach me how to play this part.” he points to his favourite part of the piece.
yixing looks at him, and luhan starts bouncing on the stool like a little kid craving for candy. “please”, he whines and yixing laughs, because seeing him behaving like this is a rare sight, so he gives in.
he places his fingers back on the keys and tells the other to do the same, starts playing a couple of notes and watches luhan trying to do the same, to copy him, but he kinda fails at it.
for a moment he thinks about a better way to teach luhan, but yixing just really sucks at explaining stuff, but then he gets an idea.
he swallows and slides closer to luhan, presses their thighs flush together and places his hands over luhan’s in a weird angle, and it’s a little uncomfortable, at least for him, but he can play like that so it’s fine. then he presses his index finger down at the key, and since his hands cover luhan’s, his finger does the same, and he plays the whole part like that.
it’s not really teaching, because no matter how often yixing plays it with him that way, he’ll not be able to play it alone afterwards, but he doesn’t really care, because he enjoys staying that close to the other.
luhan doesn’t seem to mind either, since his eyes are fluttering shut as he concentrates on the music and the feeling of yixing beside him. and while yixing watches him, he wonders how long he can pretend that he’s not in love with him.
homework
the last person you have to know is chanyeol.
really tall, long limbed guy and part of the basketball team as well.
everyone knows him and he’s kind of everywhere. even if you can’t see him, you can always hear him laughing somewhere, because he always laughs and that really loud. sometimes it’s annoying and disturbing if you need a quiet moment, but somehow he’s really good at cheering everyone up without even doing it on purpose.
it’s just that he has this cheerful aura around himself and his face is just big eyes and teeth, because he doesn’t know sad expressions.
at least that’s what everyone sees and he’s really like that, chanyeol is an extremely positive person, but bakehyun tells him a lot about him and yixing knows that chanyeol tends to hide everything else than happiness.
baekhyun knows that chanyeol’s really shy sometimes and he’s also seen him sad and depressed.
this reminds him a little bit of him and luhan, he doesn’t know if he’s also to other people like he is with him, but yixing knows that luhan never shows his soft side in public. and chanyeol doesn’t show his negative feelings in public.
maybe in ‘the group’ they’ll all the same somehow, hiding who they are in sake of being cool and staying popular.
lesson
yixing is quite surprised when luhan suddenly dashes into his room, sehun and jongin behind him.
“get dressed”, luhan just says and opens yixing’s closet, pulling some random clothing out.
“uhm, for?”, yixing asks and sits up in his bed; he’s in sweats and a big sweater and was just reading a book, because usually he stays at home on friday evenings, since baekhyun is meeting chanyeol at this time.
“we’re going to a club”, luhan explains and throws some clothes at him, smirking. yixing tries to tell him that he doesn’t want to go because it makes no sense, since he can’t dance, but the other doesn’t let him say anything against it nor decline.
so not even an hour he finds himself in a club, loud bass pounding through his entire body and in one way it’s nice, since he’s always loved that feeling. it makes him sad at the same time, because he constantly has to remind himself not to sway too much to the rhythm of the music, not to start dancing.
he sits with jongin and sehun on a couch away from the dance floor, luhan stands in front of him. “let’s dance, yixing”, he yells and frowns when yixing shakes his head.
“come on”, he demands again.
“i can’t, i’m not allowed to”, he yells back and points to his waist, but luhan seems to understand. they never really talked about it, and even though yixing is not happy about being here, he has to smile when he sees the guilt rushing over the others face; he usually never shows something like that when everyone’s with them.
he waves at the dance floor. “go and dance, i’ll stay here”, he says and luhan quickly disappears in the mass of people. (when yixing arrives at home later, he finds a text message from luhan with ‘sorry’ in his inbox.)
for a while he just sits there, drink cool between his fingers and listens to the music. he completely forgets that jongin and sehun are still with him, until the later suddenly gets up. “go and dance with me, jongin”, he says and crosses his arms, he looks unhappy.
“nah, i’m good here.”
jongin just sinks more back into the couch and takes a sip from his beer. sehun instead huffs and pouts and then stomps away, probably searching for luhan.
“what’s wrong with him?”, yixing asks and leans close to the boy next to him, so he doesn’t have to yell over the music.
“he’s just sulking because chanyeol’s not here”, jongin answers and sighs. "i don’t even know why he asked that guy to help him, since he’s fucking good at maths, he’s almost as good as this baekhyun guy himself.”
“really?”
jongin nods and yixing can hardly believe him, since baekhyun always rants about how stupid chanyeol is and how he can’t even solve one problem by himself.
but then a wide smile appears on his lips.
interesting.
he won’t tell it baekhyun, though.
homework
this is everything yixing always knew about ‘the group’.
most of the things just being told through other people, through chatter and rumors. and after spending more and more time with them all, because of his friendship with luhan, because they start to accept and like him, he gets that all the stories are somehow true.
but only on the surface, only when they’re in front of other students or when they’re all together. yixing gets to know that when he’s alone with them they’re different, they let their mask slide and show him who they are.
lesson
“you forgot our practise.”
jongdae frowns at him and even though it always looks like he’s smiling because of the curve of his lips, the rest of his face tells him how upset he is.
“i’m sorry.”
“you didn’t even write a text message.”
“i’m sorry.”
yixing feels really guilty, because he forgot about it because of luhan and he usually never forgets his meetings with jongdae, since their time together is so dear to him. so he feels really sorry, especially because he didn’t want to make him sad or angry.
“are you free this afternoon? We could meet today instead”, he tries and gives him an uncertain smile, but after a minute of trying to resist jongdae sighs and nods.
“but don’t forget”, he says and the frown disappears from his face, “see you then.”
quickly, he gets his phone out of his pocket and writes luhan a text message to tell him that they have to meet an hour later.
-
yixing is happy when they finally sit on the piano stool together.
“some students are talking about you”, jongdae suddenly says as yixing searches for his sheet music, because he always has too many papers in his bag. “about you and luhan”, he adds and looks as unhappy as back then at lunchtime.
“uhm, and?”
“you know luhan is a bad company, he’s an asshole.”
“you don’t know him the way I do, jongdae”, yixing sighs, because that’s nothing he wants to talk about with him, he can be friends with who he wants to be.
“he makes you to someone you’re not”, jongdae says then and lightly pulls on the low cut tank yixing’s wearing. “look at you, xing.”
he looks down on himself; it’s true that he wears clothes he never wore before, but that’s the only thing. there’s nothing wrong in the change of his style and even though he’s still not fully used to wearing something like that, he doesn’t hate it.
“he’s no good for you.” jongdae grabs his hand and stares at yixing with so much emotions swimming in his eyes that it confuses him-
“yixing, please.”
- and then he’s leaning forward, too close to him.
“am I interrupting something?”
startled, they both back away from each other and look to the door, where luhan’s standing, a small smirk hanging on his lips.
jongdae grabs his stuff. “no, you’re not”, he mutters and hurries out of the room.
luhan’s smirk immediately drops after he left the room and he doesn’t look happy, so yixing opens his mouth to say something, to explain the situation, even though he doesn’t know why he has to explain himself when nothing happened.
but he just feels like he has to.
before he gathers the right words together luhan already crosses the room to stand behind him and puts his hands on yixing’s shoulders, leans down to bury his face in his brown hair.
“luhan?”
“please play something for me”, luhan just whispers.
homework
when jongin comes to him and tells him that he misses dancing with him, yixing gets to know that somehow Jongin is still a lot like he was back then in middle school.
he asks him to watch his new choreography and to tell him what he thinks about it and they sit around and talk, they talk a lot.
and suddenly Jongin starts to tell him things; how he really jumps from relationship to relationship, but not like a real playboy, how he never sleeps with the girls he starts dating and how he just looks for the right person.
he tells yixing how he wants to forget a certain person he likes but can’t be with because they’re in a relationship, how he tries to find someone else he could like as much as them.
he gets all flustered and shy when he talks about something like that, about real love and yixing always has to smile, can understand him, because yeah, love.
lesson
he’s at luhan’s house, in luhan’s bed, lying next to him.
it’s too hot to go outside, but still their legs are tangled with each other and luhan constantly takes yixing’s hand, plays with his fingers.
yixing has to bite back a chuckle at how concentrated he looks while tugging on his index finger, turning his hand around, looking at it.
it’s nice like that and even though the heart in his chest jumps around and beats so, so fast, he doesn’t feel uncomfortable or nervous, he’s strangely calm.
but although he tries to enjoy the moment, this closeness with luhan, he always gets back into the same thoughts, worries.
he doesn’t know what this between him and luhan is, he doesn’t know if luhan feels the same way about him, but somehow he thinks he does, because why would he be that close to him? why would he cuddle with him during such a merciless hot day where no one else wants skin ship with another person.
and then he thinks about if he should finally make a move, if he should do something, anything to show luhan how he feels. but before he can even think about a way to tell him, his thoughts wander and he asks himself if the other likes him; does he really like him for who he is?
he just can’t stop thinking about it.
homework
with kris it’s the same as with tao, he looks kinda intimidating, but there’s much more behind it. yixing learns about this when he has problems in english and asks kris to help him out a little bit, so they have a short tutor session where kris helps him with his essay.
since he doesn’t want to be paid for something like this, yixing treats him to some coffee. he drinks his coffee without any sugar and at first yixing is a little shocked about it, because he could never imagine drinking this bitter stuff just like that.
it’s nice, because somehow kris really is this more quiet person that tends to stay serious in some situations, but as they talk, he sees him smiling and even laughing for the first time and somehow kris is just a soft hearted dork.
the best thing is when the other starts talking about his great artistic skills and they make drawing battles on coffee shop napkins.
yixing wins them all.
lesson
“would you’ve ever made a move at chanyeol?”
“uhm, I don’t know? he never showed any signs that he liked me before he kissed me, so-“, baekhyun hums on the other line of the phone, still thinking about the question.
“hm.” yixing stares at the ceiling. “and what if you’d have known? would you’ve made a move?”, he asks again.
“i think so. after some time, maybe.”
“hm.”
he sighs, because he’s feeling kind of down. he still thinks a lot about confessing to luhan, he wants to get this all off his shoulders.
“are you fine? should I come over?”, baekhyun asks, sounding concerned and he can already hear the rustling of clothes.
“yeah.”
-
it takes baekhyun fifteen minutes to come over and yixing’s happy that he knocks before he enters his room, because he dozed off.
“what the fuck happened to your hair?”, is the first thing he says when he sees him, his eyes are wide.
“luhan got me into cutting it a little bit.”
it doesn’t look bad, it looks fine and yixing is totally okay with his new haircut, even if he misses his longer bangs a little bit.
“luhan kinda get you to change a lot about yourself, hm?”
“yeah..”, he mumbles as he runs his fingers through his hair.
that’s the complicated thing about the whole situation.
homework
understanding sehun wasn’t as easy as it was with jongin and kris, or tao and chanyeol. he never really cared for yixing, never spoke much too him.
though one time he asks him to come with him to buy something to drink, because sehun never goes alone, he always takes someone with him. they go in silence at first, sehun a little bit faster than yixing, because his legs are longer.
but then he suddenly starts talking and his expression is serious, not blank. sehun talks about how he sees that they all are different when they’re at school, talks about how they behave when he sits with luhan or jongin or chanyeol at home, behind closed doors.
he tells yixing how much he admires him for always staying the person he is. even though he somehow got into their circle a bit, befriended them, he always stayed the same, kept his personality and never really changed like they did.
for a moment he’s stunned at how mature sehun is in that moment, how mature he looks and talks. but then he looks down on himself, sees the different clothes on his body and thinks that the boy gives him too much credit for nothing.
because even though his personality stayed the same and he didn’t change for all of them, he changed for luhan, he changed the way luhan wanted him to.
lesson
luhan asked him to watch their soccer training; of course yixing agrees and finds himself on one of the benches in front of the field. Watching them play is interesting, even though he doesn’t get the rules or anything, but he just watches their movements.
when they have a short break, luhan always comes to him and sits down beside him.
“did you ever think about dying your hair blonde?”, he suddenly asks and yixing blinks at him, but before he can say anything someone shouts luhan’s name and he’s already up again. “wait a second.”
he watches him running to another boy and hugging him with a laugh, then watches them talking. it takes him a moment to realize that the other guy is minseok, one of those guys who are in the group of nerds, but he’s a nice guy, they talked a couple of times before.
still something bothers him about the picture and he doesn’t know why but suddenly feels anger bubble up inside him.
after a couple of minutes luhan’s on his way back to him and flops down on the bench.
“who was that?”, he asks, even though he knows.
“oh, that was minseok.”
“and why is it okay to be friends with him when he’s looking like that?”
“what do you mean?”
“why don’t you try changing him so he looks better beside you?”, yixing still tries not to snap, but the confused look on luhan’s face makes him even angrier. he hardly gets angry, he’s not used to it.
“why would I want to change him? we’ve been friends since forever.” even before he was popular, hm.
“so since he was your friend even before you were one of the cool kids it’s okay for him to stay who he is. but because we got friends later it’s okay to change almost everything about me?”, he asks then and doesn’t notice how his voice grows louder.
“what are you talking ab-“
“stop it, i’m tired of this, luhan! i don’t want to be someone else, this all”, he pulls on his clothes, “isn’t me. i just want to be myself.”
luhan looks at him with wide eyes. “if you like me as much as i like you, just accept me for who i am”, he says and gets up, grabbing his bag in the process. “if you can’t do this, then fine.”
and then he turns on his heels and stomps away, not looking back at luhan and this all is kind of over dramatic, but who cares, he’s angry, he’s pissed, but somehow he already feels guilty for shouting.
he thought so much about this ‘changing thing’ and bottled all of his feeling about it inside him and now he kinda exploded, even though he could just have talked calmly about it with luhan all the time.
but no, he didn’t, he was so stupid.
homework
after yixing gets to know the others, gets to really know them, the thing he says the most to them is ‘just stay like that, okay? always. stay the way you are now.”
he tells this everyone, except luhan.
but maybe telling luhan would have been the most important thing.
lesson
at first he’s a little confused when chanyeol sits down beside baekhyun with a sheepish smile, but then yixing understands and smiles a little bit, because it’s good that it finally happened.
“you broke up with sehun?”, he asks, but chanyeol shakes his head.
“sehun did it. he said he already knew that my feelings about him changed”, he explains and yixing can see that he feels guilty about this.
when he talked about this with baekyhun, when he asked him if he’s really okay with this secret relationship thing, his friend always nodded and said that it’s fine since he knows chanyeol will break up with sehun when he finds the right time and words.
he feels sorry for sehun, because he saw how much chanyeol meant to him, but at the same time he’s happy that they both can finally be together for real.
‘the group’ enters the cafeteria and claims their table and yixing tries his best not to look at luhan - because every time he sees him his heart hurts like hell - but to search for sehun instead, but he can’t find him. maybe he skipped school because of the break up.
he turns his attention back to chanyeol and baekhyun.
“so you’ll sit with us from now on or-“
chanyeol shakes his head again. “sometimes, but not always. i just want to give sehun some space for now, they're my friends after all.”
“yoh.”
the three look up just to see jongin suddenly next to them and before anyone can even say a word, jongin already raises his hand to punch chanyeol in the face.
baekhyun and yixing both gasp as he falls out from his seat and yixing reaches out to grip jongin’s arm. “that’s for hurting sehun”, he says and chanyeol looks up at him from his place on the floor. he looks shocked for a second, but then laughs.
“yeah, serves me right.”
suddenly jongin has also a weak smile on his lips and holds his hand out to chanyeol to pull him up again. “we’re equal now, but i’m still angry!”
chanyeol sits down again and baekhyun instantly looks at his bruising cheek, it’s red and will probably swell later, but yixing looks after jongin when he returns back to the others and his eyes fall unintentionally on luhan, who’s looking at him as well.
they look at each other, but then the other suddenly turns away, showing him his back.
and there’s this tight feeling inside his chest again, the lump in his throat returns and it just hurts. it hurts so much that luhan didn’t talk to him again after he yelled at him at the soccer field. it hurts to know that it seems like luhan really didn’t like him the way yixing wished for. and it hurts even more that yixing still can’t give up hoping that luhan will start talking to him again.
homework
yeah, yixing never had many friends, he was always happy with only having baekhyun and later jongdae, but after he spend so much time with ‘the group’, he really starts to miss their company, misses hanging out with them.
it’s not like they stopped talking to him just because luhan did. jongin still asks him to watch him dancing, for example and he still has drawing battles with kris and tao also didn’t stop waving and smiling at him when they meet in the hall.
but it’s not the same without sitting together with all of them from time to time and he misses it. though he has to admit that what he misses the most is simply luhan, sitting next to luhan, talking to him, spending time with him, just lying around with him.
he misses luhan so much.
lesson
luhan doesn’t talk to him for another two weeks.
so yixing is quite surprised when he finds him standing in front of his door one day.
“i’m so stupid”, he says and bites on his bottom lip nervously.
yixing doesn’t say anything, though, and just crosses his arms in front of his chest.
“i’m sorry. i-“, luhan starts, but stops himself again and looks away, struggles with finding the right words. “i just. i was always scared that i couldn’t be together with you if they disliked you so i tried to make you more suitable for us and it was so stupid. everything changed so much since you came along and even though i noticed that there was no need to get you to be someone else, i still tried it and i’m sorry.”
luhan actually stops talking for a second, but holds his hand up to stop yixing from replying yet. “and I’m really sorry, because i actually like everything about you. i don’t care if you wear the clothes i got you or your old ones, i don’t care at all how you look like because i’d like it anyways. and i like your personality and-“
this time yixing’s the one who stops him by taking his hand in his and squeezing it.
“i don’t like it when you’re like an arrogant brat in front of everyone”, he says quietly. “but i love it when you behave like you always do around me. you should show this side to everyone, luhan, you’re gorgeous that way. when you’re being yourself.”
luhan nods and he wonders if he forgives him too fast, but he kind of doesn’t really care, because this is all he wanted. this right now is just everything he wanted and they both needed some time to figure things out, so he’s glad that it didn’t end badly.
“would it be cheesy if i’d kiss you right now?”
“i’d be disappointed if you wouldn't”, yixing answers and they both laugh, before luhan leans close to press their lips together.
homework
there’s not only the soccer team, but also the basketball team that’s quite popular around school.
their captain is kris.
everyone calls him kris, yixing doesn’t know if he wants it like that or some just started with it, because his real name is wu yifan, but okay.
first of all, he’s really tall. like really, really tall. yixing envies him for his height sometimes. and he always has a frown on his face, what makes him a little intimidating for other people. they say he never smiles or laughs, just sits there with his stoned face and looking mysterious.
he’s from canada, so his english is kinda perfect and that’s probably all he knows about him, since they don’t share a single class.
lesson
from: luhan
received: 09:17
are you free today? meet me at the mall after lunch.
-
the text message wakes him up and he can’t help but to be excited about it. they never met outside from school before, so it’s the first time that they’d spend their free time together like that.
but lately he always feels excited and jumpy around luhan, he doesn’t question it, though, because it’s the best not to think about something like that too much.
and even though yixing tries his best to be there early, he loses his track of time and arrives a little too late. but he quickly spots luhan waiting for him at the fountain at the beginning of the mall.
he smiles and wants to wave, but then he sees that the other is not alone, his friends are with him. his stomach drops and he feels uncomfortable again. it’s not that he hates them or anything, but most of them still look at him with those unwelcoming eyes and he knows they don’t like him that much.
he also enjoys spending time with luhan alone, since he’s always more like himself when ‘the group’ is not with him.
“hey!”, luhan greets him with a grin and throws his arm around his shoulders.
“hi”, yixing says and a light tingling sensation shoots through his entire body, when luhan presses him close and starts walking without giving him the chance to greet the other guys.
he quickly looks back at them and waves, but most of them only nod in return. except chanyeol, he smiles at him. he’s like the only one that gives yixing the feeling that it’s okay for him to be with them. and at those moments he understands why people quickly fall for him and like him, in any kind of way.
“what are we going to do?”, he asks then and interrupts luhan’s non-stop talking about some topic that yixing can’t understand again.
“we’re going to buy some new stuff, clothes and all. especially for you.”
“what’s wrong with my clothes?”
“they’re fine, but you shouldn’t hide yourself so much in simple clothing, you know?”
“luhan likes talking about how handsome your good looking everything would look in different clothes”, sehun snorts beside them and gives them a dry laugh, when luhan grumbles at him with slightly red cheeks and kicks him in the butt. “shut up.”
but yixing can’t really care about that, because he’s busy with looking away, in any other direction so no one would see how flushed his face got.
homework
next one in the basketball team is, zitao, but he likes it when people call him just tao.
he’s also tall, okay, everyone from the basketball team is tall and he is a martial artist; knows wushu and all. although he’s not as intimidating as kris, he still is, because sometimes he looks like he wants to rip your throat out with his teeth, when he looks at you with those puffy, dark eyes.
but yixing knows that tao isn’t a bit like that.
when tao came to this school last year, as chinese exchange student, he couldn’t speak one word in korean, so yixing started talking to him, since he was able to speak with him in chinese and they got friends, he even helped him with his korean.
he’s always been a friendly and more shy and emotional kid. (and yixing is sure that he’s still like that, but nobody sees it.)
after some time kris got a liking on him and took him under his wing.
tao stopped talking to yixing after that, since popular guys can’t be friends with someone like him, but he still always gives him a small, friendly smile when they cross ways in the hall between classes.
lesson
yixing is glad when luhan asks him more and more to hang out with him, by now alone most of the time and without the other people from his group. it’s nice and it makes him happy, because he simply loves luhan’s company and the fluttering feeling he gives him.
the more time he spends with him, the stronger the warm feeling in his stomach gets and for weeks he tried to ignore it, to not pay any attention to it. but every time luhan pulls him close, yixing thinks he bursts and he doesn’t even to dare to think about why this is.
as long as he doesn’t think it, it’s not true.
or at least he can tell himself that it’s not true.
he plays the wrong keys, because he’s spacing out and luhan gently jabs him in the ribs. “yixing, concentrate.”
“uh, sorry”, he says and sighs quietly. “let’s stop for today, okay?”
luhan tilts his head to the side and watches him with a mix of curiosity and concern, but then nods. but when yixing wants to take the music papers away, he grabs his wrist and stops him. “but at least teach me how to play this part.” he points to his favourite part of the piece.
yixing looks at him, and luhan starts bouncing on the stool like a little kid craving for candy. “please”, he whines and yixing laughs, because seeing him behaving like this is a rare sight, so he gives in.
he places his fingers back on the keys and tells the other to do the same, starts playing a couple of notes and watches luhan trying to do the same, to copy him, but he kinda fails at it.
for a moment he thinks about a better way to teach luhan, but yixing just really sucks at explaining stuff, but then he gets an idea.
he swallows and slides closer to luhan, presses their thighs flush together and places his hands over luhan’s in a weird angle, and it’s a little uncomfortable, at least for him, but he can play like that so it’s fine. then he presses his index finger down at the key, and since his hands cover luhan’s, his finger does the same, and he plays the whole part like that.
it’s not really teaching, because no matter how often yixing plays it with him that way, he’ll not be able to play it alone afterwards, but he doesn’t really care, because he enjoys staying that close to the other.
luhan doesn’t seem to mind either, since his eyes are fluttering shut as he concentrates on the music and the feeling of yixing beside him. and while yixing watches him, he wonders how long he can pretend that he’s not in love with him.
homework
the last person you have to know is chanyeol.
really tall, long limbed guy and part of the basketball team as well.
everyone knows him and he’s kind of everywhere. even if you can’t see him, you can always hear him laughing somewhere, because he always laughs and that really loud. sometimes it’s annoying and disturbing if you need a quiet moment, but somehow he’s really good at cheering everyone up without even doing it on purpose.
it’s just that he has this cheerful aura around himself and his face is just big eyes and teeth, because he doesn’t know sad expressions.
at least that’s what everyone sees and he’s really like that, chanyeol is an extremely positive person, but bakehyun tells him a lot about him and yixing knows that chanyeol tends to hide everything else than happiness.
baekhyun knows that chanyeol’s really shy sometimes and he’s also seen him sad and depressed.
this reminds him a little bit of him and luhan, he doesn’t know if he’s also to other people like he is with him, but yixing knows that luhan never shows his soft side in public. and chanyeol doesn’t show his negative feelings in public.
maybe in ‘the group’ they’ll all the same somehow, hiding who they are in sake of being cool and staying popular.
lesson
yixing is quite surprised when luhan suddenly dashes into his room, sehun and jongin behind him.
“get dressed”, luhan just says and opens yixing’s closet, pulling some random clothing out.
“uhm, for?”, yixing asks and sits up in his bed; he’s in sweats and a big sweater and was just reading a book, because usually he stays at home on friday evenings, since baekhyun is meeting chanyeol at this time.
“we’re going to a club”, luhan explains and throws some clothes at him, smirking. yixing tries to tell him that he doesn’t want to go because it makes no sense, since he can’t dance, but the other doesn’t let him say anything against it nor decline.
so not even an hour he finds himself in a club, loud bass pounding through his entire body and in one way it’s nice, since he’s always loved that feeling. it makes him sad at the same time, because he constantly has to remind himself not to sway too much to the rhythm of the music, not to start dancing.
he sits with jongin and sehun on a couch away from the dance floor, luhan stands in front of him. “let’s dance, yixing”, he yells and frowns when yixing shakes his head.
“come on”, he demands again.
“i can’t, i’m not allowed to”, he yells back and points to his waist, but luhan seems to understand. they never really talked about it, and even though yixing is not happy about being here, he has to smile when he sees the guilt rushing over the others face; he usually never shows something like that when everyone’s with them.
he waves at the dance floor. “go and dance, i’ll stay here”, he says and luhan quickly disappears in the mass of people. (when yixing arrives at home later, he finds a text message from luhan with ‘sorry’ in his inbox.)
for a while he just sits there, drink cool between his fingers and listens to the music. he completely forgets that jongin and sehun are still with him, until the later suddenly gets up. “go and dance with me, jongin”, he says and crosses his arms, he looks unhappy.
“nah, i’m good here.”
jongin just sinks more back into the couch and takes a sip from his beer. sehun instead huffs and pouts and then stomps away, probably searching for luhan.
“what’s wrong with him?”, yixing asks and leans close to the boy next to him, so he doesn’t have to yell over the music.
“he’s just sulking because chanyeol’s not here”, jongin answers and sighs. "i don’t even know why he asked that guy to help him, since he’s fucking good at maths, he’s almost as good as this baekhyun guy himself.”
“really?”
jongin nods and yixing can hardly believe him, since baekhyun always rants about how stupid chanyeol is and how he can’t even solve one problem by himself.
but then a wide smile appears on his lips.
interesting.
he won’t tell it baekhyun, though.
homework
this is everything yixing always knew about ‘the group’.
most of the things just being told through other people, through chatter and rumors. and after spending more and more time with them all, because of his friendship with luhan, because they start to accept and like him, he gets that all the stories are somehow true.
but only on the surface, only when they’re in front of other students or when they’re all together. yixing gets to know that when he’s alone with them they’re different, they let their mask slide and show him who they are.
lesson
“you forgot our practise.”
jongdae frowns at him and even though it always looks like he’s smiling because of the curve of his lips, the rest of his face tells him how upset he is.
“i’m sorry.”
“you didn’t even write a text message.”
“i’m sorry.”
yixing feels really guilty, because he forgot about it because of luhan and he usually never forgets his meetings with jongdae, since their time together is so dear to him. so he feels really sorry, especially because he didn’t want to make him sad or angry.
“are you free this afternoon? We could meet today instead”, he tries and gives him an uncertain smile, but after a minute of trying to resist jongdae sighs and nods.
“but don’t forget”, he says and the frown disappears from his face, “see you then.”
quickly, he gets his phone out of his pocket and writes luhan a text message to tell him that they have to meet an hour later.
-
yixing is happy when they finally sit on the piano stool together.
“some students are talking about you”, jongdae suddenly says as yixing searches for his sheet music, because he always has too many papers in his bag. “about you and luhan”, he adds and looks as unhappy as back then at lunchtime.
“uhm, and?”
“you know luhan is a bad company, he’s an asshole.”
“you don’t know him the way I do, jongdae”, yixing sighs, because that’s nothing he wants to talk about with him, he can be friends with who he wants to be.
“he makes you to someone you’re not”, jongdae says then and lightly pulls on the low cut tank yixing’s wearing. “look at you, xing.”
he looks down on himself; it’s true that he wears clothes he never wore before, but that’s the only thing. there’s nothing wrong in the change of his style and even though he’s still not fully used to wearing something like that, he doesn’t hate it.
“he’s no good for you.” jongdae grabs his hand and stares at yixing with so much emotions swimming in his eyes that it confuses him-
“yixing, please.”
- and then he’s leaning forward, too close to him.
“am I interrupting something?”
startled, they both back away from each other and look to the door, where luhan’s standing, a small smirk hanging on his lips.
jongdae grabs his stuff. “no, you’re not”, he mutters and hurries out of the room.
luhan’s smirk immediately drops after he left the room and he doesn’t look happy, so yixing opens his mouth to say something, to explain the situation, even though he doesn’t know why he has to explain himself when nothing happened.
but he just feels like he has to.
before he gathers the right words together luhan already crosses the room to stand behind him and puts his hands on yixing’s shoulders, leans down to bury his face in his brown hair.
“luhan?”
“please play something for me”, luhan just whispers.
homework
when jongin comes to him and tells him that he misses dancing with him, yixing gets to know that somehow Jongin is still a lot like he was back then in middle school.
he asks him to watch his new choreography and to tell him what he thinks about it and they sit around and talk, they talk a lot.
and suddenly Jongin starts to tell him things; how he really jumps from relationship to relationship, but not like a real playboy, how he never sleeps with the girls he starts dating and how he just looks for the right person.
he tells yixing how he wants to forget a certain person he likes but can’t be with because they’re in a relationship, how he tries to find someone else he could like as much as them.
he gets all flustered and shy when he talks about something like that, about real love and yixing always has to smile, can understand him, because yeah, love.
lesson
he’s at luhan’s house, in luhan’s bed, lying next to him.
it’s too hot to go outside, but still their legs are tangled with each other and luhan constantly takes yixing’s hand, plays with his fingers.
yixing has to bite back a chuckle at how concentrated he looks while tugging on his index finger, turning his hand around, looking at it.
it’s nice like that and even though the heart in his chest jumps around and beats so, so fast, he doesn’t feel uncomfortable or nervous, he’s strangely calm.
but although he tries to enjoy the moment, this closeness with luhan, he always gets back into the same thoughts, worries.
he doesn’t know what this between him and luhan is, he doesn’t know if luhan feels the same way about him, but somehow he thinks he does, because why would he be that close to him? why would he cuddle with him during such a merciless hot day where no one else wants skin ship with another person.
and then he thinks about if he should finally make a move, if he should do something, anything to show luhan how he feels. but before he can even think about a way to tell him, his thoughts wander and he asks himself if the other likes him; does he really like him for who he is?
he just can’t stop thinking about it.
homework
with kris it’s the same as with tao, he looks kinda intimidating, but there’s much more behind it. yixing learns about this when he has problems in english and asks kris to help him out a little bit, so they have a short tutor session where kris helps him with his essay.
since he doesn’t want to be paid for something like this, yixing treats him to some coffee. he drinks his coffee without any sugar and at first yixing is a little shocked about it, because he could never imagine drinking this bitter stuff just like that.
it’s nice, because somehow kris really is this more quiet person that tends to stay serious in some situations, but as they talk, he sees him smiling and even laughing for the first time and somehow kris is just a soft hearted dork.
the best thing is when the other starts talking about his great artistic skills and they make drawing battles on coffee shop napkins.
yixing wins them all.
lesson
“would you’ve ever made a move at chanyeol?”
“uhm, I don’t know? he never showed any signs that he liked me before he kissed me, so-“, baekhyun hums on the other line of the phone, still thinking about the question.
“hm.” yixing stares at the ceiling. “and what if you’d have known? would you’ve made a move?”, he asks again.
“i think so. after some time, maybe.”
“hm.”
he sighs, because he’s feeling kind of down. he still thinks a lot about confessing to luhan, he wants to get this all off his shoulders.
“are you fine? should I come over?”, baekhyun asks, sounding concerned and he can already hear the rustling of clothes.
“yeah.”
-
it takes baekhyun fifteen minutes to come over and yixing’s happy that he knocks before he enters his room, because he dozed off.
“what the fuck happened to your hair?”, is the first thing he says when he sees him, his eyes are wide.
“luhan got me into cutting it a little bit.”
it doesn’t look bad, it looks fine and yixing is totally okay with his new haircut, even if he misses his longer bangs a little bit.
“luhan kinda get you to change a lot about yourself, hm?”
“yeah..”, he mumbles as he runs his fingers through his hair.
that’s the complicated thing about the whole situation.
homework
understanding sehun wasn’t as easy as it was with jongin and kris, or tao and chanyeol. he never really cared for yixing, never spoke much too him.
though one time he asks him to come with him to buy something to drink, because sehun never goes alone, he always takes someone with him. they go in silence at first, sehun a little bit faster than yixing, because his legs are longer.
but then he suddenly starts talking and his expression is serious, not blank. sehun talks about how he sees that they all are different when they’re at school, talks about how they behave when he sits with luhan or jongin or chanyeol at home, behind closed doors.
he tells yixing how much he admires him for always staying the person he is. even though he somehow got into their circle a bit, befriended them, he always stayed the same, kept his personality and never really changed like they did.
for a moment he’s stunned at how mature sehun is in that moment, how mature he looks and talks. but then he looks down on himself, sees the different clothes on his body and thinks that the boy gives him too much credit for nothing.
because even though his personality stayed the same and he didn’t change for all of them, he changed for luhan, he changed the way luhan wanted him to.
lesson
luhan asked him to watch their soccer training; of course yixing agrees and finds himself on one of the benches in front of the field. Watching them play is interesting, even though he doesn’t get the rules or anything, but he just watches their movements.
when they have a short break, luhan always comes to him and sits down beside him.
“did you ever think about dying your hair blonde?”, he suddenly asks and yixing blinks at him, but before he can say anything someone shouts luhan’s name and he’s already up again. “wait a second.”
he watches him running to another boy and hugging him with a laugh, then watches them talking. it takes him a moment to realize that the other guy is minseok, one of those guys who are in the group of nerds, but he’s a nice guy, they talked a couple of times before.
still something bothers him about the picture and he doesn’t know why but suddenly feels anger bubble up inside him.
after a couple of minutes luhan’s on his way back to him and flops down on the bench.
“who was that?”, he asks, even though he knows.
“oh, that was minseok.”
“and why is it okay to be friends with him when he’s looking like that?”
“what do you mean?”
“why don’t you try changing him so he looks better beside you?”, yixing still tries not to snap, but the confused look on luhan’s face makes him even angrier. he hardly gets angry, he’s not used to it.
“why would I want to change him? we’ve been friends since forever.” even before he was popular, hm.
“so since he was your friend even before you were one of the cool kids it’s okay for him to stay who he is. but because we got friends later it’s okay to change almost everything about me?”, he asks then and doesn’t notice how his voice grows louder.
“what are you talking ab-“
“stop it, i’m tired of this, luhan! i don’t want to be someone else, this all”, he pulls on his clothes, “isn’t me. i just want to be myself.”
luhan looks at him with wide eyes. “if you like me as much as i like you, just accept me for who i am”, he says and gets up, grabbing his bag in the process. “if you can’t do this, then fine.”
and then he turns on his heels and stomps away, not looking back at luhan and this all is kind of over dramatic, but who cares, he’s angry, he’s pissed, but somehow he already feels guilty for shouting.
he thought so much about this ‘changing thing’ and bottled all of his feeling about it inside him and now he kinda exploded, even though he could just have talked calmly about it with luhan all the time.
but no, he didn’t, he was so stupid.
homework
after yixing gets to know the others, gets to really know them, the thing he says the most to them is ‘just stay like that, okay? always. stay the way you are now.”
he tells this everyone, except luhan.
but maybe telling luhan would have been the most important thing.
lesson
at first he’s a little confused when chanyeol sits down beside baekhyun with a sheepish smile, but then yixing understands and smiles a little bit, because it’s good that it finally happened.
“you broke up with sehun?”, he asks, but chanyeol shakes his head.
“sehun did it. he said he already knew that my feelings about him changed”, he explains and yixing can see that he feels guilty about this.
when he talked about this with baekyhun, when he asked him if he’s really okay with this secret relationship thing, his friend always nodded and said that it’s fine since he knows chanyeol will break up with sehun when he finds the right time and words.
he feels sorry for sehun, because he saw how much chanyeol meant to him, but at the same time he’s happy that they both can finally be together for real.
‘the group’ enters the cafeteria and claims their table and yixing tries his best not to look at luhan - because every time he sees him his heart hurts like hell - but to search for sehun instead, but he can’t find him. maybe he skipped school because of the break up.
he turns his attention back to chanyeol and baekhyun.
“so you’ll sit with us from now on or-“
chanyeol shakes his head again. “sometimes, but not always. i just want to give sehun some space for now, they're my friends after all.”
“yoh.”
the three look up just to see jongin suddenly next to them and before anyone can even say a word, jongin already raises his hand to punch chanyeol in the face.
baekhyun and yixing both gasp as he falls out from his seat and yixing reaches out to grip jongin’s arm. “that’s for hurting sehun”, he says and chanyeol looks up at him from his place on the floor. he looks shocked for a second, but then laughs.
“yeah, serves me right.”
suddenly jongin has also a weak smile on his lips and holds his hand out to chanyeol to pull him up again. “we’re equal now, but i’m still angry!”
chanyeol sits down again and baekhyun instantly looks at his bruising cheek, it’s red and will probably swell later, but yixing looks after jongin when he returns back to the others and his eyes fall unintentionally on luhan, who’s looking at him as well.
they look at each other, but then the other suddenly turns away, showing him his back.
and there’s this tight feeling inside his chest again, the lump in his throat returns and it just hurts. it hurts so much that luhan didn’t talk to him again after he yelled at him at the soccer field. it hurts to know that it seems like luhan really didn’t like him the way yixing wished for. and it hurts even more that yixing still can’t give up hoping that luhan will start talking to him again.
homework
yeah, yixing never had many friends, he was always happy with only having baekhyun and later jongdae, but after he spend so much time with ‘the group’, he really starts to miss their company, misses hanging out with them.
it’s not like they stopped talking to him just because luhan did. jongin still asks him to watch him dancing, for example and he still has drawing battles with kris and tao also didn’t stop waving and smiling at him when they meet in the hall.
but it’s not the same without sitting together with all of them from time to time and he misses it. though he has to admit that what he misses the most is simply luhan, sitting next to luhan, talking to him, spending time with him, just lying around with him.
he misses luhan so much.
lesson
luhan doesn’t talk to him for another two weeks.
so yixing is quite surprised when he finds him standing in front of his door one day.
“i’m so stupid”, he says and bites on his bottom lip nervously.
yixing doesn’t say anything, though, and just crosses his arms in front of his chest.
“i’m sorry. i-“, luhan starts, but stops himself again and looks away, struggles with finding the right words. “i just. i was always scared that i couldn’t be together with you if they disliked you so i tried to make you more suitable for us and it was so stupid. everything changed so much since you came along and even though i noticed that there was no need to get you to be someone else, i still tried it and i’m sorry.”
luhan actually stops talking for a second, but holds his hand up to stop yixing from replying yet. “and I’m really sorry, because i actually like everything about you. i don’t care if you wear the clothes i got you or your old ones, i don’t care at all how you look like because i’d like it anyways. and i like your personality and-“
this time yixing’s the one who stops him by taking his hand in his and squeezing it.
“i don’t like it when you’re like an arrogant brat in front of everyone”, he says quietly. “but i love it when you behave like you always do around me. you should show this side to everyone, luhan, you’re gorgeous that way. when you’re being yourself.”
luhan nods and he wonders if he forgives him too fast, but he kind of doesn’t really care, because this is all he wanted. this right now is just everything he wanted and they both needed some time to figure things out, so he’s glad that it didn’t end badly.
“would it be cheesy if i’d kiss you right now?”
“i’d be disappointed if you wouldn't”, yixing answers and they both laugh, before luhan leans close to press their lips together.