(no subject)
i am so sick of trying so hard and getting no where. I am so sick of resisting and still finding people that think i dont resist at all. i am so sick of everyone in this god damn world, and i am so sick of being so selfish and finding that i cant control it.
I told myself from the very begining, that i would never let myself become exclusive with andrew. And i dont think u can really realize what an effort that takes unless u have been in a similar situation. (C and C for example? We all get mad at them for never getting off each other, but i have no right to be, neither does anyone else. We all do the best we fucking can.) Anyways, despite all my work, there are still some that think i havnt done good enough. Those that think me and andrew are exclusive anyways, and that i dont care about anyone else, just him. I just want to lie down and cry and disappear. I want to go back to some other time, any time. Not necissarly when life was simpler, because life is always simpler when u look back, but to a time when things wernt stuck in this endless loop: A never ending cycle, a rush to get the day over and done with just so u can begin the next.
I miss Nora so much. I miss her house and her bedroom. I miss her couch and watching Newlyweds with her. I miss Eugene and the 7-11. I miss Vally River center and the walk there. I miss the busride down, when i can litterally watch as i leave my world behind. I miss leaving old places in general. I miss not knowing what tomrrow will bring.
I hate people that think they know me.
I dont mind people that never try to know me,
and i dont mind poeple that actually DO know me.
But i HATE people tho THINK they know me
as drama-queenish as that sounds.
Why do u think i love manda so much? because she dosnt act like she knows me, she dosnt try to. but she does anyways. Why do u think i love nora so much? cuz she knows exactly what to say, exactly hwo to say it, exactly what im feeling, even tho she is 100 miles away. why do u think i love steph so much? cuz shez like manda and nora combinded. and why do u think i love andrew so much? because he tries his best. at everything. and u just shoot him down.
sigh. Im so tired of life. I am so tired of being so selfish and bitchey and moody all the time. And most of all?
I am so tired of taking no joy whatsoever out of life.
arnt i just in a whinny mood 2nite. Whatever.
I told myself from the very begining, that i would never let myself become exclusive with andrew. And i dont think u can really realize what an effort that takes unless u have been in a similar situation. (C and C for example? We all get mad at them for never getting off each other, but i have no right to be, neither does anyone else. We all do the best we fucking can.) Anyways, despite all my work, there are still some that think i havnt done good enough. Those that think me and andrew are exclusive anyways, and that i dont care about anyone else, just him. I just want to lie down and cry and disappear. I want to go back to some other time, any time. Not necissarly when life was simpler, because life is always simpler when u look back, but to a time when things wernt stuck in this endless loop: A never ending cycle, a rush to get the day over and done with just so u can begin the next.
I miss Nora so much. I miss her house and her bedroom. I miss her couch and watching Newlyweds with her. I miss Eugene and the 7-11. I miss Vally River center and the walk there. I miss the busride down, when i can litterally watch as i leave my world behind. I miss leaving old places in general. I miss not knowing what tomrrow will bring.
I hate people that think they know me.
I dont mind people that never try to know me,
and i dont mind poeple that actually DO know me.
But i HATE people tho THINK they know me
as drama-queenish as that sounds.
Why do u think i love manda so much? because she dosnt act like she knows me, she dosnt try to. but she does anyways. Why do u think i love nora so much? cuz she knows exactly what to say, exactly hwo to say it, exactly what im feeling, even tho she is 100 miles away. why do u think i love steph so much? cuz shez like manda and nora combinded. and why do u think i love andrew so much? because he tries his best. at everything. and u just shoot him down.
sigh. Im so tired of life. I am so tired of being so selfish and bitchey and moody all the time. And most of all?
I am so tired of taking no joy whatsoever out of life.
arnt i just in a whinny mood 2nite. Whatever.