On Your Mind
Title: On Your Mind
Author: dulcialicious
Pairings: Akame (main), Kame/T-TUN (member-ai).
Genre: (Slight) Angst
Rating: PG (slight mentions of M/M sex)
Warnings: OOC-ness for some of the characters, I guess
Summary: [UN-BETA-ED] A song fic based on “On Your Mind ~Please come back to me~”. Kame reminisces his past with Jin.
**Story progresses mostly from a third person’s POV, though it borders closely on Kame’s POV. (Sorry for the lousy summary.)
A/N: My first post and attempt at song fics in years. I seldom post fics, and I don’t exactly like to write song fics, as it kind of makes me feel unoriginal, plus I suck at it. However, this is one of the few exceptions I’m gonna make, as the recent activities of KAT-TUN and the lyrics had kind of clicked together in my mind… Do listen to “On Your Mind” though, I feel that it would help you to get the mood. So enjoy this fic, and please review! :D
He was leaving again, going back to that place once more after 2 years.
Like you were meant to, you were there
You were too close, and I never told you that you’re important, yet you were there
*
Jin had always been a part of his life, ever since they had met in the Jimusho. When they were told that they were in the same group, Kazuya felt tremendously happy, although Jin had grumbled on about not being in the same group as Yamapi. Then, as time flew by, they got closer and closer.
Soon, it became unspoken agreement between them, to keep each other by their sides no matter when or where. Everyone could see that they were so much in love; that they were made only for each other. Gokusen only made them closer than before, if it was possible. They had worn their pinky rings to almost everywhere. However, all that started to change when Kazuya was casted in Nobuta wo Produce.
When Kazuya told Jin that he was to debut as Shuji to Akira together with Yamapi, Jin had flew into a terrible rage, claiming that Kazuya had no intention of debuting with KAT-TUN at all. What he didn’t know was, Kazuya had only agreed to debut with Yamapi as Johnny had promised him KAT-TUN’s debut. That was what Kazuya had tried to work hard to get for KAT-TUN all those years, and he was not about to let the chance go, even at the expense of his relationship with Jin.
The rest of KAT-TUN had understood that it was an order by Johnny, and that Kazuya had no choice but to follow it, despite their initial discontentment. Jin had refused to budge, leaving Kazuya in tears every time he tries to talk to Jin. Yamapi found out about it and had told Jin the truth, threatening him to apologise to Kazuya or he would call their friendship to a standstill for being such a baka.
Jin did make up with Kazuya, with lots of sex.
Kazuya would always scream his name as he climaxed, screaming his love for Jin. However, Jin doesn’t, he would only groan or call out to Kazuya as he comes.
When Kazuya asks him if he loves him, he would always avoid answering by changing the subject, or just grunting. It made Kazuya wonder if he was just a sleeping partner like many other girls Jin has had before him, and his heart would clench painfully at those thoughts, leaving him breathless.
Always, when you are about to say something,
you sink into silence and cast your eyes downwards
There were times when Jin would try to tell Kazuya something, but he had hesitated. When Jin had already decided to go to LA for his studies, he had not told Kazuya at all. Kazuya had only known about it when their manager had announced to the group before they were dismissed.
“Jin…” his eyes had travelled to the older man, only to find him looking away. Tears had begun clouding his vision, and he stormed out of their dressing room. The others thought he was mad at Jin, but only Jin knew what was going on, and had followed swiftly.
He held Kazuya as he cried, cursing Jin who had not told him about his decision.
“Damn you Jin! Why must you leave me? We had only debuted for six months…” Kazuya whispered, as he grew tired from crying.
“Sorry, Kazu… But I have to do this, it’s only six months, and I’d be back.” Jin tried to smile, but his heart was pierced at the sight of Kazuya, who looked so lost and vulnerable.
That night was the last time they ever had sex for a long time.
“I love you, Kazuya, forgive me.” that was the very last sentence he had said before he left for the airport, with only Nakamaru, Taguchi and Ueda sending him off. Koki had been sent over by Jin to accompany Kazuya, to hold him as sobs wrecked his skeleton-like body.
Please come back to me
That time will no longer come back
I can no longer find another to love as much
I can’t forget you
Who are you being held by as you fall asleep tonight?
Still, you are dear to me
Kazuya had begun to work frantically, trying to keep KAT-TUN together and to take his mind of Jin. He took all the jobs he was offered, and signs of exhaustion were soon visible. He grew thinner and thinner, and he did not eat or sleep often. T-TUN had stopped him, and begun taking turns to take care of the baby of the group.
Koki and Kazuya had grown closer, as Koki moved in to help fill the void Kazuya feels for Jin. The blow came when Johnny had demanded them to do more fanservice. They did, of course; after all, it was easier for Kazuya to do it with Koki than with the others. They were in the same drama too, which made communication between them easier.
Still, Kazuya’s heart had yearned for Jin, for him to be back by his side.
It has been a long time since I am with my friends
The same faces, the same place
But one thing, you are not here
They had more group outings too, after recordings and practices. T-TUN would always drag Kazuya along with them, trying to cheer him up. Ueda had even stripped to a song Taguchi was singing at the karaoke, leaving K-TN gaping in shock and amusement. Of course, Kazuya did not realise that every time they made him laugh, T-TUN would flash each other a smile and a peace sign.
They had also fussed over him in their own small ways. Nakamaru would ask the manager to clear things up fast as he needs to go home early; in actual fact, he just wants Kazuya to rest more at home. Ueda would accompany him for lunch, droning on about his song writing, or about mundane stuff. He would then surprise Kazuya with an occasional joke, making him choke on his coffee in shock and laughter. Taguchi would always place small snacks in his bags, or anywhere Kazuya might be. Koki would always buy Kazuya his coffee every morning, making sure it was made the way he liked it.
Kazuya knew he was loved, but he missed Jin.
Please come back to me
That time will no longer come back
A season that dazzling will not appear a second time
I can’t forget you
Who are you being held by as you fall asleep tonight?
And what would you be praying for?
Finally, Jin came back. But he had changed.
At first, Kazuya was contented to be back in Jin’s arms. They had made out a lot backstage, while KAT-TUN was still having their 2007 tour.
However, the fanservice order by Johnny was still in effect, which left Jin fuming in anger once more. Kazuya calmed him down, explaining that there was nothing except friendship between them. Still, Jin was pissed.
They soon got back to their normal routine, with Kazuya getting stressed again with all the work he was getting. All of a sudden, Jin had begun to distance himself from Kazuya, leaving the latter confused. They no longer share kisses or sneak hugs, at the very most Jin would just pat his shoulder and leave.
Jin would go out clubbing almost every night and each night, he would return to his apartment with a different girl and almost drunk. When Kazuya visits Jin, he would often find Jin in his bedroom, thrusting deep into the girl. Horror-stricken, Kazuya would leave immediately, tears rolling down his porcelain-like cheeks.
He would go over to Koki’s apartment at times, crying himself silly with T-TUN by his side. They would gather him in their arms, calming Kazuya down. However, they could do nothing to ease the pain the youngest felt.
*
Things soon got better, and Jin was all lovey-dovey over Kazuya once more. Kazuya had basked in the happiness of being back together with Jin, and though the older man had hurt him, Kazuya was able to forgive him in a flash, his love still strong.
That station, that platform
I have a feeling that I saw you
They would sneak peeks at each other almost everywhere, with Jin hiding his gazes under his favourite fedora. They were almost exposed in cartoon KAT-TUN too, when they were alone together. Things had gotten all hot and sexy between them with each episode, especially when Kazuya had did that wanton hula hooping just to tease Jin.
He was ravaged and loved thoroughly that night.
*
Kazuya was stunned when Jin was offered the chance to perform in LA. He had dreamed of them performing together on stage for the Asia tour this year… But with this offer, it would only be dream. Jin would not let this chance go, and Kazuya had offered his full support, urging him to go as he know that is what Jin really wants, and told Jin not to worry about persuading T-TUN, as he would do it himself.
T-TUN were hesitant at first; they had not forgotten what had happened the first time round. Kazuya was persistent, and it was decided that Jin would not join them for the tour at all.
Soon, Jin had left, leaving Kazuya alone once more. This time round, Kazuya had put on a brave front, doing the promotions and other jobs seriously. He received more work than ever, what with all those magazine interviews and TV shows.
But deep down inside, Kazuya is missing Jin terribly, and he hopes that when Jin comes back, they would not fall back to that horrible period in 2007, to when they were not speaking at all. He does not want to visit Jin once more, only to find him with an unknown girl in his bed.
That would certainly kill him this time.
Kazuya sits on the window sill strumming his guitar and singing Aishiteiru kara, as tears make their way down his face.
*
Please come back to me
That time will no longer come back
I can no longer find another to love as much
I can’t forget you
Who are you being held by as you fall asleep tonight?
Still, I am in love with you
“I’m still in love with you, Bakanishi.”
---- END ----
A/N: I think I have done a pretty bad job, for I have no idea what I am trying to write after I wrote half the story. My English’s pretty bad, and the storyline’s pretty unclear, but I hope that you have understood the fic, and please support my other works in the future! Thanks!
PS: I’m thinking of writing another Akame fic, one where Kazuya is quite vulnerable. Any suggestions? And no, my examinations had just started today, so I will not be writing for a month. Sorry!