(no subject)
I'm drinking iced tea, the good stuff that Jessica's mom brought up. This tea, Crystal Light, has opened up a new life of pitchers forever in fridges, adding another beverage option, competing with the only beverage I've ever really drank, water. That's how good it is.
This summer has brought many additions, whether they're temporary (I wonder if the Ice Tea will loose it's appeal with winter), or Am I actually changing the way I think, and therefore interact and feel? Can I actually just decide what to think about? Only think about things that bring the right feelings? That seems misguided, running away from whatever I should be feeling. I should just really dive into that, no matter what it is.
Sometimes emotions are so flimsy, I can change them by changing thought subject matter, and then even if it's not completly successfull, I end up laughing at myself for being so crazy, and I realize that I'm this crazy human.
Other times, I get trapped somewhere dark and sticky and CONFUSING and I can't get out, and then my whole philosophy crashes.
Today is my last day of work. I keep thinking about the last moment, throwing off that shirt and walking away from South Station for the last time; out into the Night with all those tall, tall Boston Banks. That first look and breath after closing of all those buildings that make me crain my neck to see the sky make me instantly forget about the troubles, if there were any, of work, and I sing, even when passing people, all the way to the green line.
Yesterday I sang for Jessica, and I realized that I think that I'm hitting the wrong notes when I should just be more comfident, and putting some feeling into it. I few times this summer I've decided that I do have a good voice after all, after a particularly nice rendition of Leonard Cohen or Devendra Banhart. Then, the next time I try to sing, I can't anymore. This time is different though, I think now my life will really be better.
This summer has brought many additions, whether they're temporary (I wonder if the Ice Tea will loose it's appeal with winter), or Am I actually changing the way I think, and therefore interact and feel? Can I actually just decide what to think about? Only think about things that bring the right feelings? That seems misguided, running away from whatever I should be feeling. I should just really dive into that, no matter what it is.
Sometimes emotions are so flimsy, I can change them by changing thought subject matter, and then even if it's not completly successfull, I end up laughing at myself for being so crazy, and I realize that I'm this crazy human.
Other times, I get trapped somewhere dark and sticky and CONFUSING and I can't get out, and then my whole philosophy crashes.
Today is my last day of work. I keep thinking about the last moment, throwing off that shirt and walking away from South Station for the last time; out into the Night with all those tall, tall Boston Banks. That first look and breath after closing of all those buildings that make me crain my neck to see the sky make me instantly forget about the troubles, if there were any, of work, and I sing, even when passing people, all the way to the green line.
Yesterday I sang for Jessica, and I realized that I think that I'm hitting the wrong notes when I should just be more comfident, and putting some feeling into it. I few times this summer I've decided that I do have a good voice after all, after a particularly nice rendition of Leonard Cohen or Devendra Banhart. Then, the next time I try to sing, I can't anymore. This time is different though, I think now my life will really be better.