subjects are subjective.... or ... subjunctive? maybe neither.
deep thought of the day:
just because i'm not awesome right now, doesn't mean i don't have the potential to be awesome.
my ears are in pain right now because i can't find the only pair of headphones that actually fit in my ears. and the earbuds i have in fucking hurt and keep falling out. but its better than silence, i had a few songs i wanted to listen to.
So Kate is my hero. I barely know her and rarely talk to her, but everytime i read her blog i come across some other amazing comment or observation... whatever. Not trying to be creepy, kate, but i had to quote you. hope you don't mind too much.
"So I went around the block to Idylwood Park. And for the first 10minutes I thought, "ah. I'm at a park. This is relaxing. Look, treesand water and shit." But after those 10 minutes of bullcrap, you really start to notice where you are. The water is moving and the ground isn't. The trees are sturdy and sheltering. The lake is this enormous calm blue thing against a huge sky with trees and mountains all around.It really is fucking relaxing. I remembered how over the summers in PAI would just hang around outside all day and stare at stuff and pokestuff and smell stuff. I can do that again.
So it's a little strange going from constant bombardment of deadlines and ridiculous assignments to living for.. living." -Kate
So i got to thinking, am i living for... living? I'm not sure. I think there's a lot more living that i could be doing. but i'm kind of scared of too much life sometimes. i've got a pretty small comfort zone. but then there are people who are full of too much life... and that scares me. i don't want to be a chaotic person. is it possible to be full of life, like really full of life, and not be chaotic? or, really, i think my ideal state of being would be purely observational. i want to be around life. i want to see life and feel life. but i don't want life to affect me or intertwine with me. if i could choose a superhero power it would be invsibility. i would go everywhere and watch life unfold around me knowing that i'm not involved. somehow the thought of me affecting other people or situations or them affecting me in a random (positive or negative) way is a weird thought. in just observing, you get the experience of the situation without the anxiery of cause and effect. effect, affect...... that's one of those synonym/ homonym things that i could never figure out, or remember correctly, or something.... so
maybe that's why i watch so much tv. it's purely observational.
completely unrelated, except more related than you know, this is where i want to work:
http://www.bnmc.org/BNMC/blsc.html
also, i'd post pictures from NYC mini- vacation but i'm not sure how to go about doing that, even though i've been shown several times.
k, that's enough lj typing for another month or so, probably.
just because i'm not awesome right now, doesn't mean i don't have the potential to be awesome.
my ears are in pain right now because i can't find the only pair of headphones that actually fit in my ears. and the earbuds i have in fucking hurt and keep falling out. but its better than silence, i had a few songs i wanted to listen to.
So Kate is my hero. I barely know her and rarely talk to her, but everytime i read her blog i come across some other amazing comment or observation... whatever. Not trying to be creepy, kate, but i had to quote you. hope you don't mind too much.
"So I went around the block to Idylwood Park. And for the first 10minutes I thought, "ah. I'm at a park. This is relaxing. Look, treesand water and shit." But after those 10 minutes of bullcrap, you really start to notice where you are. The water is moving and the ground isn't. The trees are sturdy and sheltering. The lake is this enormous calm blue thing against a huge sky with trees and mountains all around.It really is fucking relaxing. I remembered how over the summers in PAI would just hang around outside all day and stare at stuff and pokestuff and smell stuff. I can do that again.
So it's a little strange going from constant bombardment of deadlines and ridiculous assignments to living for.. living." -Kate
So i got to thinking, am i living for... living? I'm not sure. I think there's a lot more living that i could be doing. but i'm kind of scared of too much life sometimes. i've got a pretty small comfort zone. but then there are people who are full of too much life... and that scares me. i don't want to be a chaotic person. is it possible to be full of life, like really full of life, and not be chaotic? or, really, i think my ideal state of being would be purely observational. i want to be around life. i want to see life and feel life. but i don't want life to affect me or intertwine with me. if i could choose a superhero power it would be invsibility. i would go everywhere and watch life unfold around me knowing that i'm not involved. somehow the thought of me affecting other people or situations or them affecting me in a random (positive or negative) way is a weird thought. in just observing, you get the experience of the situation without the anxiery of cause and effect. effect, affect...... that's one of those synonym/ homonym things that i could never figure out, or remember correctly, or something.... so
maybe that's why i watch so much tv. it's purely observational.
completely unrelated, except more related than you know, this is where i want to work:
http://www.bnmc.org/BNMC/blsc.html
also, i'd post pictures from NYC mini- vacation but i'm not sure how to go about doing that, even though i've been shown several times.
k, that's enough lj typing for another month or so, probably.